“It was my decision Stacie, and Maria honored that. You can’t blame her.”
“But I could have helped out more. The doctors said you shouldn’t get overstressed.” Stacie started pacing in the small space at the foot of the bed. “It’s bad enough that you’re having trouble with your kidneys, but you could have thrown a clot, had a stroke...then what would happen?”
When I agreed to be the twins’ godmother, I never dreamed I might have to step up because Josie might not be here. A horrible thought entered her mind. It opened a huge chasm in her heart that immediately filled up with a million questions. Did she know? Back then, did Josie know she had this disease and this might happen? She couldn’t ask her though. It would be a horrible thing to do, and besides, she didn’t know if she could handle the answer.
Josie stared up at her from her hospital bed. That was all the reaction she gave her, and that scared Stacie even more because somehow, someway, Josie knew exactly where her thoughts had gone. She had read her face. She knew the question there and she didn’t give her a straightforward answer.
Josie spoke in a measured, low voice that matched the tension in her jaw. “I’m not going to answer that because none of that happened. And the reason I didn’t tell you is because I knew you would react exactly the way you are right now.”
“And how am I reacting?” Stacie practically snarled. It was either be angry at her best friend or completely lose it.
“Let’s see.” Josie squirmed until she was sitting up straighter in the bed. “You dropped everything you were doing and came here, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Of course I did. You’re my best friend.”
“Exactly,” Josie said, jabbing her finger at Stacie’s chest. “I’m your friend.”
“Okay?” If she hadn’t been confused before, she certainly was now.
Josie sighed and looked down at her hands. Her left hand was covered in bruises and had a painful looking IV sticking out of it. The tape was curling up at the edges and Josie picked at it, trying to press it back down flat, but it wouldn’t stick. “I’m your friend, Stacie, and I want what’s best for you just like you do for me. But you’ve let yourself get too comfortable. We’re your family and we always will be, but we shouldn’t be the only ones in your life. You deserve a family of your own. Someone like Dee, who’ll be there when you’re hurt or sick.”
Stacie felt her heart drop out. Intellectually she knew that what Josie was saying was true, but she felt like Josie was pushing her away and it hurt. She barked a laugh. It sounded forced and hollow, a foreign noise bouncing around the sterile white surroundings. “You know I have no interest in that sort of thing, and you already grabbed the only good guy in the county.”
Josie wasn’t buying the old joke, one they had bandied about so many times before in the past they had it memorized. Josie would joke about getting serious with someone, and Stacie would claim she was married to her job. It was easier than admitting she was afraid. Afraid of being outed, afraid of losing the only family she ever wanted to lay claim too, and through and around all of that, afraid of failing.
“You know exactly what I’m saying, Stacie! You have a perfectly good woman out there, one willing to put up with you and your crazy schedule, but you are so worried about everyone and everything else that you’ve lost sight of what’s important.”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t be worried about you, or my career, or anything else?”
“No. I’m saying that you are so busy being everything to everyone else that you’ve forgotten about yourself. Go! Be greedy. Be selfish. Do something for you for once in your life.”
“But…”
“No. No buts. Look Stacie, we’ve been friends forever. But friendship can only go so far. You deserve to have someone to keep you warm at night,” Josie paused, “and to wake up in the morning to.”
Even lying in a hospital bed and looking like shit, Josie made a formidable debate opponent. Add the mom voice usually reserved for her children and Stacie didn’t stand a chance. She gave in and sat down. “What should I do?”
“You need to go home. Maria is watching the kids but Dee will be home soon. He’s got a few things to do at the barn first, so you should have time to catch her. For God’s sake, don’t let her leave. Take her home and talk to her before that decision is taken away from you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, sweetie.” Josie’s expression twisted something deep in her heart. “You know Maria isn’t from here. She was only planning on staying for the summer. She’s going back home next week, unless…”
“Unless what?” Stacie demanded.
“Unless there’s some reason for her to stay,” Josie said. She took Stacie’s hand and squeezed it gently. “Stacie. If she means anything to you at all, find a way to be that reason.”
*
“She’s not here,” Dee said by way of apologizing.
Stacie stifled a curse and started pacing, something that seemed to be happening a lot today. She had to keep moving, even when she didn’t know what she was supposed to do. She was so full of nervous energy she thought she would explode. She stopped in front of the living room and peered in. Rowan and Rob’s attention was plastered on the television, a rare treat for them during the day. Dee followed Stacie’s gaze and shrugged. “They don’t want to go out and play, just in case Josie calls. I
