"Imagine the freedom of being impossible to kill," Adam pointed out. "Or as near to impossible as you can imagine. Sunlight? Bad news. The older we get, the more we can endure, but blades, bullets, cars, other weapons? We can stand against anything. And I want to give you that! You can't say no, Nathan. You just can't."
He introduced me to his friend William--- sorry, Will---Bosworth. I liked him straight off. He was a straight down the middle, honest sort; I could tell. I also got the impression he was one of the few, rare people Adam Locke would listen to.
He had a commanding presence, and I asked him once if he was older than Adam.
"Yes, by around five decades," he'd said.
I knew it; I could tell. Not world-weary, but long-lived nevertheless. I just felt I'd get a better hearing from him. Adam was all fired up on lust and enthusiasm. Will was more down to earth than that. I pointed out the negatives, and Adam brushed them off; Will considered them. "This isn't something you take on lightly, Adam," he'd warned. Several times.
I said yes, then no, and finally yes again.
Why? Because...oh, I don't know. Yes, he bulldozed me into it, but ultimately, no one had ever made me feel the way Adam did. He'd awakened something in me I'd previously thought was wrong and evil and immoral. And even if it had been? Adam made me not care. At that time, he was the only one I could imagine ever doing that. There were good times, too; it would be foolish of me to deny that fact. When I was inside him and trying not to cry because it felt so good?
Those times were good enough to make me agree to the craziest things.
And thinking I could be with him forever and ever, Amen, was a pretty crazy thing.
I didn't have much to give up. A job. A couple of rooms in Mrs. Hudson's converted house. That, placed against Adam? A feeling of coming home, of finally discovering what I was, moved me to agree. Reluctantly so. He was my first male lover, and part of me wondered if I was moving too fast, allowing myself to be swept along by events. But then, as so many people parroted, "There's a war on, you know!" The bottom line was, anyone (except Adam and Will) could be killed at any moment, and this was the only thing to give me a cast-iron guarantee that I could carry on living and enjoy what I'd discovered about myself.
But still, those little whispers of doubt played at me. Right up until the last minute when I stood in a room with Adam and Will, in a building they occasionally hid out in. Abandoned, half bombed- out, but with a few rooms still standing and a basement dry and dark enough for a vampire to spend daylight hours in if he were caught short.
"I can't do this." I gulped back fear, wondering if I were more scared of changing, or of disappointing Adam.
"You're just nervous; that's only natural,"
Adam said, dismissive of my concerns as ever.
"Natural? Natural? You think anything about this process is natural? Adam, after what we've done, after...you can't..."
Will laid his hand on my shoulder, immediately calming me. "Adam, give him some breathing space. You have to understand---"
"He's had plenty of fucking breathing space! He's the only one in this room who can breathe. There's a bloody war on out there." Adam swept his hand in the direction of where the windows used to be. Now they were boarded up to hide their shattered state. "People are dying all the time. We can't just delay and delay and delay while Nathan makes up his mind and changes it again. Ordinarily, yes, we'd wait, but..." He looked directly at me at that point. "War speeds things up. It's not normal or natural, but we're not normal or natural. Everyday rules don't apply here."
"Adam, I just need time to think about this."
"There isn't time. You've already had some to think, and we're quickly running out. You'll grow old. Or be killed. Then what?"
"That's what everyone has to deal with these days, Adam. I'm nothing special."
"Yes, you are; you're one of the few who has a chance to do something about it."
Adam asked Will to leave the room after that.
To give the two of us some privacy to discuss things. I thought he was going to try to persuade me with words.
So did Will, probably.
Chapter 8
"I HONESTLY DID," WILL SAYS.
"I swear, I thought he was just going to speak to you. Not...not..."
I've given them both a rundown of my history, most of which Will already knows, but he listened along respectfully for Kieran's benefit. I left out the details of the bedroom hand job and any other sexual intimacies. It's obvious Adam and I were lovers--- they are lovers too, but some things don't need to be discussed in detail. I, on the other hand, have no choice. I remember all too well. Those images aren't going anywhere.
"So what happened?" Kieran asks. I catch his eye, and he bites his lip. "Sorry. I don't mean to intrude, but I admit; I'm curious." He shifts around on the settee, having made himself clearly uncomfortable. We moved through to the living room some time ago while I was in the middle of sharing my story, ostensibly so we could all sit back and relax while I filled Kieran in on my past, but it looks as if none of us have managed to do so.
"I don't remember much of it. I'm not avoiding the question, I promise you. I literally can't remember. Adam banging on and on about how I had to change, I couldn't let him down, and I thought he was moving in to kiss
