So I said nothing."
"And all that time, Nathan was still alive, in a way, and Adam didn't know? Still doesn't know?"
Kieran stares at us both, wide-eyed.
"That's right." I lean back in my armchair, glaring at Will, who by this time has stopped pacing. "He still doesn't know."
"Please, Nathan." Will reaches out to me with both hands, cradling my face in a way so tender, it reminds me of someone else who loved me once. Or claimed to.
Kieran's asleep on my settee; poor human man with his poor, human frailties.
"You have to. For me."
I lift my eyebrows and repeat, "Have to?"
"I..." Will's fingers tighten in my hair. "I did something for you. I kept your secret all this time, even though it was difficult. I've lied to Adam for decades; we never spoke about you, but I could tell he was hurting."
"It was his own fault. He only had himself to blame."
"Yes, yes, I know that, but the guilt must have torn him up---"
"Don't do this, Will. Don't lay a guilt trip on me." I can't stand what he's doing to me, but I can under stand it. He loves Kieran, Kieran loves Will, and if I don't do what I can to help them be together, I'm as selfish as Adam Locke. "Why can't you do it yourself? Like you did with me?"
"Because with you, it was an emergency. I would never normally do it that way." He relaxes, takes his hands out of my hair, and rests them on my shoulders. We lurk in the kitchen while Kieran sleeps in the other room, not because we want food or drink, but because we want to talk without risk of disturbing Kieran or being overheard. Some things, he doesn't need to hear.
"You expect me to drink your lover's blood until he's nearly unconscious?"
"Yeah. Well, I don't expect it as such. I'd like it if you did."
"You know you're capable of changing someone on their own. I'm living proof. If you'll pardon the pun."
"But it was touch and go. I wouldn't want to take that risk with Kieran. Nathan, I love him. And I don't want to watch him grow old and die."
Like I should have. "You're worried you won't be able to stop."
Will's entire body flinches, and he steps back, breaking contact with me. I know I've hit home. "Yes. What if I am?"
"You're not like Adam. You'd be able to stop."
"Please, Nathan." He screws his eyes shut. "I can't do this myself. And you're the only one I trust enough to ask."
"I drink? I break him, then what? You take over?"
Will's eyes flick open. He obviously hears agreement in my voice, wants to so badly that he'll leap on any chink in my resolve. "I take over, cut myself, let him drink from me, and the job is done."
"Really, Bosworth. I'm surprised you didn't s a y Bob's your uncle. And the job wouldn't be done. He'd have to be taken to the changing rooms at the local safe house." Changing rooms; what a ridiculous term for what amounts to an infant vampire hospital.
"Which I'm hoping you'd help me with."
"I can't drive."
"Call a cab."
"Jesus, Will. How can you ask me to do this and lay the but I love him guilt trip on me? I hate the thought of---"
"You'd be trying to preserve a life, not kill him."
I don't say a word, merely standing there and biting my lip. I know what he's doing. Will's saying I'm better than that, that I'm moral enough to do this for the right reason---the only right reason: love.
"I think it's just your horror at your own transformation, the trauma of that, which stops you from saying yes. Ultimately, you trust yourself. I think so, anyway." Will's hand is on my shoulder again, giving it a friendly squeeze this time.
"And you're asking me because...what? You don't trust yourself? What?"
"I don't want to go through this alone, watching the man I love die. Like Adam did."
Fuck.
I agree. Ultimately, I can do nothing else.
"It'll hurt," I tell Kieran. "Not as bad as I did, because Will loves you, and he'd kill me properly this time if anything happened to you." A quick, watery, weak laugh. "I'll be your original pain in the neck. Expect to fight it. You'll weaken as you begin to lose consciousness. And that's when Will steps in. Ever seen that film, There Will Be Blood ? It wasn't written for you, but it might as well have been."
"Black humour, huh?" Kieran asks. "Gallows humour. Whatever they call it. Okay, I get it. I understand that." He stands and rubs his hands together, either in eagerness or to get himself into a state of preparedness. "When do we do this?"
I look across the room at Will. He stares back at me. Without looking away from him, I say, "No time like the present."
I agree because, ultimately, I can do nothing else. And there is blood. And I hate every damn second of killing Kieran for Will's sake.
He doesn't have to go through this alone, watching the man he loves die.
Like Adam did.
Chapter 9
DESPITE GIVING IN TO WILL on all counts days ago, I still can't quite believe I'm doing this, and I'm--- against my own will and better judgement---half- admiring of Will's persuasive powers. I never wanted to see him again, and yet, I agreed to do so.
I never wanted to change anyone, and I did. Not alone, but I certainly helped in the transformation.
And I never wanted to let Adam know I was still alive, but here I am, on a night train, travelling to do just that.
And to think I'm only doing it to distract Adam from the fact that Will, his long-time friend, or should I say guardian, now has a love interest who's also a vampire. My mission, should I choose to accept it: pull Adam away
