This time, I follow him to his office. I’m shaking. I’m so mad at myself. I can’t fix this. I’ve ruined a good thing with my stupidity.
Master Kellen yanks open the bottom drawer of his desk. He pulls out my purse and another bag that I can tell contains the clothes I came here in. He drops them on the sofa. “Change. Julius will be here in a few minutes. I’m going outside. I don’t want to see you again. Wait for him by the front door.”
He leaves.
I can hear his footsteps even though my head is ringing. He heads toward the kitchen and then the sound of the back door opening and closing makes me flinch.
I don’t move for several moments. I’m stunned. Angry with myself. I’m still shaking as I pad over to the pile he left. There’s nothing I can do but finally obey him for the first damn time. Ironic that my obedience comes when he has dismissed me to send me away because he doesn’t want me.
What did I expect? Wasn’t this always how it was going to end, anyway? He was never going to keep me. I seem to have made sure of this.
I pull my dress over my head, fold it, and set it on the sofa. Next, I remove everything else—shoes, socks, panties. I’m naked and shivering in his office as I put my old clothes on. It feels strange to wear jeans and a bra again.
I’m moving on autopilot, totally out of my body now. Sadness settles in my chest. I spin around to take a last look at the room and spot my journal on the little table. Taking a breath, I shuffle toward it and pick it up. I flip through the pages. I’ve written so much in here. My soul is between these pages. It’s a lost soul, to be sure, but it’s mine all the same.
Instead of taking it with me, I wander over to Master Kellen’s desk and set it down, right in the center where he can’t miss it. I may be a fucked-up mess, but he deserves to know everything I was ever thinking while I was here living as his little girl.
I’m crying silently. I didn’t even realize tears were running down my face until I reach up and swipe at them.
Finally, I grab my purse and head for the front door. I’ve ruined what was possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. And I don’t even know why I’ve done it.
Chapter 19
Master Kellen
I’m not in the mood to discuss my shitty life with Roman, but he’s here anyway, sitting on my patio, drinking my coffee, staring at me. “Tell me what happened.”
“I’m sure you heard.”
“Yes. Julius had Quinten come over to the house and talk to Sabine.”
I glance at Roman. “Quinten Odell?”
He chuckles. “Yes. Do you know another Quinten?”
I ran a hand down my face. “Good. I’m sure she needed someone to talk to.” Quinten is a clinical psychologist and sex therapist who also happens to be a formidable Dom and a member of Surrender. He’s been known to help members out when they have issues.
“What about you? You don’t think you need someone to talk to?”
I groan and roll my eyes at him. “I’ve met with Quinten before. You know that. He helped me and Stacy often when she was dying. He’s a great guy. I don’t need a shrink right now though.”
Roman sighs. “Fine. Be stubborn. I’ve heard the entire saga from Lucy and Sabine, but tell me your side in your words.”
I sigh and sip my coffee before leaning back in the chair and meeting his gaze. “It doesn’t matter. It was never meant to be, anyway. It was a two-week arrangement to help Sabine find herself. She found herself, all right. She’s not a little. What else is there to say?”
He stares at me for several moments before pulling in a breath. “You don’t believe a word of that.”
I lift a brow.
“First of all, even though your agreement was for two weeks, I know you were interested in her beyond that. Don’t try to tell me, or yourself, otherwise. You watched her for weeks before you brought her home. You saw her almost the same number of times I saw Lucy before I brought her into my home. The situation is eerily similar.”
I shoot him a glare.
He groans. “Fine. You didn’t lie to her. Not blatantly, at least.”
“I didn’t lie to her at all,” I point out. Roman, on the other hand, withheld quite a bit of information when he first met Lucy and “hired” her to work for him, knowing full well he really wanted her as his own and not telling her those minor details.
“You kind of did because you insisted it was for two weeks when inside you knew you wanted more. That changed the way she looked at things from day one. She never once had an inkling that maybe you would change your mind. Maybe you would keep her.”
I run my hand over my face and then sip my coffee again. “I didn’t intend to keep her, and obviously it was the right decision because she didn’t have it in her.”
Roman rolls his eyes. “Kellen, I’ve known you for years. I knew Stacy, too. She would have her hands on her hips and be shooting daggers with her eyes at you if she were here.”
I chuckle sardonically. “Stacy never defied me like that. She would have demurely dipped her head and deferred to my judgment.”
“You really believe that? Look, man, you loved her. We all know you loved her. But she wasn’t perfect. She was human. She sometimes got herself into mischief. If you don’t remember that, you need a memory jog. And she would be pissed
