I blow out a breath, exasperated. “Fine. For what? What the hell have I done?”
“You hardened your heart. You won’t let another submissive in. And I hate to see you like this because you’re only thirty-eight years old. You have your entire life in front of you. It’s time to let go of Stacy and open your heart to another woman.”
“Even if you’re right… Even if I were ready for that, Sabine is not a little. She did everything she could to sabotage our agreement. When and if I decide to bring another woman into my life, she will be a little because I’m a Daddy Dom.”
“That’s bullshit. Just because she got herself into trouble most days doesn’t mean she wasn’t a little. I saw her with you. She was enjoying every moment. You were, too.”
“She was a brat.”
Roman sets his mug down and cups it with his hands, his elbows on the table. “Maybe she was testing you. Maybe she wanted to see if she could push you hard enough to end your agreement.”
I glance away. “Why on earth would she do that?”
“Because she needs to know without a doubt that you won’t leave her. That there’s nothing she can do that will ever be so bad that you turn her away.”
I jerk my gaze to him. “Turn her away? What are you talking about? She pushed my buttons because she’s a brat and she craves the negative attention. She needs boundaries she never had as a child. She needs to know her Dom won’t waver on those boundaries no matter what. I don’t want to be that kind of Daddy.”
Roman lifts a brow. “Okay, first of all, you’re admitting she’s a little in that speech. And I’m sure you’re right. All of that makes perfect sense, but Lucy and I went over there yesterday after she met with Quinten, and I feel like there’s more to it. I don’t think she simply wanted you to punish her. She was sabotaging things even further because she doesn’t think she’s good enough for you and you would eventually leave her. Sooner would hurt less.”
I jerk in my seat. “She wanted me to kick her out?” That’s ludicrous.
He shrugs. “Maybe not consciously. Probably not that moment. But, yes.”
I stare at him, remembering she told me that all her boyfriends dumped her because she was too bossy and domineering. I informed her she wouldn’t be the boss in my house, but I hadn’t considered the scars she might be carrying.
I ponder Roman’s words and groan inwardly. If Sabine defied me in order to prove I would leave her, then I’m an ass because I did just that, fulfilled her prophecy. Why didn’t I think of this possibility? “Shit.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. She stepped over the line. I’m not suggesting she didn’t. She struck a nerve when she snooped in Stacy’s belongings.”
“I left them out though.” Maybe part of me tempted her. Maybe I sabotaged things as much as she did.
“That doesn’t mean she had the right to open the box. I’m just pointing out another viewpoint. I doubt she understood how strongly she might feel about you when she first moved in, but you set the parameters. You’re the one who told her it was only for two weeks. I bet in your mind you wanted more, but she didn’t know that. She didn’t realize how suited she would be to the lifestyle. Hell, I’m impressed by how fast she settled in.”
I smirk at him. “Come on. Lucy was yours within hours of putting on her first outfit.”
He laughs. “True. But not everyone is like that. Sabine was still quick to come into herself.”
“And I would maintain she did not come into herself at all. How can you be sure about any of this?”
“I can’t, but I do know she was a hot mess of tears and sorrow and remorse. She feels awful for what she did.”
I’m not surprised by anything he’s saying. Of course, she spent the day with Lucy. She would have been the better choice over Abby. And Roman could have helped guide her better, also. Toss Quinten into the mix and apparently Sabine had a full day of soul searching.
His voice is softer when he speaks again. “I understand it was wrong of her to go through your things. She might not forgive herself, but put yourself in her shoes. The box was there. It was tempting. She didn’t mean any harm. She was curious and then, Kellen, she was jealous.”
I flinch. “Jealous?”
“Of course. You have a shrine to your dead wife. She can’t compete with that. And she got carried away looking at the relics. When she saw the collar, she lost herself in the vision of what it would be like for someone to love her as much as you loved Stacy. She was crying so hard when she told me how she felt that I had to stop her several times for her to get it all out. She doesn’t think she’s good enough for anyone to love her like that. For anyone to collar her. She thinks she failed you and herself.”
“That’s ridiculous. She was bratty, but that doesn’t mean she failed. She is who she is.”
“She’s a little, Kellen. And I’m not sure she’s a brat. Even though she was frequently disobedient, I think it was because she needed someone to prove they would never turn away from her.”
I groan and toss my head back. “And that’s exactly what I did. I sent her away.”
“Yes. Not that I blame you. You were rightfully angry. You needed space and time. But now you need to talk to her. Air it all out. Really discuss your feelings. You two spent ten days together in a misunderstanding, both of you certain the other wouldn’t extend the agreement past the two weeks. In reality, you both wanted more.”
I set my elbows on my knees now
