“You have a lot to think about.” Roman stands. “I’ll let myself out. Call me if you need me.”
I lift my gaze as he heads for the door. “Roman?”
“Yes.”
“Where is she now?”
“Julius’s house.”
I nod. “Thanks, man.” I watch him enter my house, knowing he will leave through the front door, and then I close my eyes and force myself to go over the past week-and-a-half in my mind. Was I really that dense?
If Sabine is as disappointed as Roman insists, maybe I was too hasty. Not about yesterday. She was wrong to go through my things, even if I did leave them out. But, is it possible she might not be as quick to defy me every day if she felt like she was wanted and desired enough that she could relax and let down her guard?
I need some time to think about this. It’s a huge step. If I go to her, I need to do so fully committed to bringing her home. Not for three days, but forever. If I bring her back into my home, I will never want to let her go.
If I bring her into my bed, I’m certain that will be true.
Even though she may have been acting out to challenge me, that doesn’t mean she’s prepared to stay in Seattle and change the course of her life. Becoming someone’s full-time little is complicated.
She may think she would be emotionally damaged if I left her, but I would be devastated if she left me.
Hell, maybe I’m the one with the problem.
Chapter 20
Sabine
I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been asleep, but when I bolt awake, I find Master Kellen sitting at the foot of my bed. I sit up so fast that I get dizzy for a moment, scooting back to lean against the headboard.
I glance around the room, reminding myself I’m at Abby’s house. I’m in the guest room I used for a month before I went to Master Kellen’s house. I’m wearing a long T-shirt and nothing else.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says.
“What time is it?” I have no idea why this is my first question, but I’m confused.
“Three in the afternoon.”
Geez. That means I wasn’t asleep long. I haven’t slept much in the twenty-four hours since Master Kellen told me to leave.
I pull the comforter up over my chest. “What are you doing here?” My voice is gravelly from sleep and from crying. I’m a mess. I can’t remember when I’ve combed my hair, and my last shower was spent sitting on the floor of the enclosure sometime last night. I’m not sure soap was involved. Most of the moisture came from my eyes. Hell, I even cried because I was in a shower instead of a tub.
“I overreacted.”
I flinch and shake my head. “No. Really, you didn’t. I never should have been in your room, and I had no business snooping in your stuff. It was my fault. I ruined things. I accept responsibility. You can go on with your life now. I wasn’t a good little anyway.” My chest tightens as I speak. So much remorse. Not just for my behavior in his bedroom but for all the times I defied him blatantly for no reason. I can’t fix it. I can only learn from my mistakes and try to move on with my life.
“I’m not going on with my life, little one. Not without you.”
I gasp and blink at him. “What are you talking about? I’m a horrible little. You need a good girl. I did nothing but disobey you. You told me you don’t like girls like me.”
“And what kind of girl are you, baby?” His voice is gentle, caring.
I’m stunned. “The kind who can’t follow the rules. A brat.”
He smiles. “Maybe, but I don’t think so.”
I can’t breathe, let alone speak. What’s he talking about?
He scoots closer and sets a hand on my thigh. “I spoke to Roman.”
I lower my gaze. Of course he did. I can’t be surprised by that.
“He helped me realize several things. The most important one is that you needed me to care for you unconditionally, and I failed you.”
I jerk my gaze to his again. He failed me?
He nods. “I should have realized that you were testing me.”
“Why would I do that? It backfired on me. Every time I defied you, it cost me your attention. I was there long enough to know you wouldn’t let me get away with anything. I had no good reason to continue to disobey you. I don’t know why I did it.” I fidget, lowering my gaze and my voice. “I’m not good. I’m naughty. I’m not right for you.”
Besides, it was a two-week arrangement. I knew the stakes when I moved in. It was never going to last longer than fourteen days. I shouldn’t have pushed him every chance I got as if I didn’t want to be there. It was stupid. I did want to be there. I really, really liked it.
“Don’t ever let me hear you say you’re not good again. That’s not true. Nor is it true that you’re not right for me. That’s not why you were testing me, little one.”
I widen my eyes. “Enlighten me then, because I’m not following.”
His hand slides up to grab mine, and he threads our fingers together loosely. “I tried so hard to analyze your childhood and make sense of the way you were raised and apply it to us. It’s incredibly common for littles to crave something they missed out on. I was so wrapped up in thinking your defiance was because you needed boundaries, that I missed the most important thing you yearned for.”
I grip the comforter with my free hand. I’m confused.
“What you really need, little one, is for someone to never let you down. You need someone to be committed enough to stay through thick and thin.”
I swallow, trying
