“You have t-to shift,” she told me softly.
“No,” I sniffled, closing my eyes and waiting for the muscle cramp to dissipate.
“It’s the only way it’s g-going to g-get b-better,” she said stronger.
“No,” I snapped.
“This isn’t healthy.”
My legs stopped cramping, and I tested my weight. I could stand on them again, and I took the opportunity to walk out of the room. Gemma followed me.
“We c-can help you shift,” she explained. I didn’t want to shift, nor did I want their help doing it.
“Go home,” I told her softly, walking towards the stairs. “Go tell Theo what I did today.”
Her footing faltered. “What are you t-talking about?”
“I know you’ve been reporting back to him,” I confronted her, turning as I hovered on the first step. “That’s why you’ve been visiting so much. He can’t be here, so he sent you. I get it.”
“M-margo, I’m here b-because I’m your friend,” she shook her head, though her eyes held a little guilt. Both could be true.
“It’s okay,” I told her. “I’d do the same thing.”
She groaned as I went back upstairs. “You c-can’t j-just hide out for the rest of your life!”
“I’m not.”
She made a noise of disbelief. “Really?”
“I just…I’m waiting until it goes back to normal,” I murmured, crawling back into bed.
“Normal?”
“Human,” I whispered into the pillow. She sunk into the mattress next to me, laying where Theo normally did.
“You c-can’t go b-back,” Gemma said emphatically. “You’re never g-going to b-be human again.”
I ignored her and pulled the blanket closer to me.
“Is it really that b-bad?” she asked.
It took me longer to answer her than before. “It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
“It’s the choice.” She sucked in a breath and remained quiet. “I know not all wolves are bad, I know that,” I said, sinking further into the pillows. “But it was my choice. Not his. It was my choice what to do with my body and what I wanted to be or not be, and he took that away. I don’t want this body. I don’t know what to do with it. I wasn’t meant to be this.”
“You would’ve d-died, M-margo,” she returned.
“I know.” I nodded into the blanket. My voice grew thicker. “I know that. But I can’t help but think that would’ve been better than this.”
“It’s hard.” She nodded against the sheets. Her lungs quivered as she sucked in a sharp breath. “B-but this life is b-better than that. You c-can’t let that feeling win.”
“I didn’t get to choose,” I told her, rolling over to look at her. Her eyes were filled with the same fat tears mine were. “I didn’t choose this.”
“I know.” She nodded, wiping her tears away. “B-but, what was he supposed to d-do? Watch you d-die?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. She smiled sadly at me and took my hand in hers. That night, I didn’t fall asleep alone in the house. And in the morning, I made the decision to call Theo over to the house. He smiled when I opened the door, but he didn’t smile when he left that day.
Catch-22
Theo arrived at the house at 8:59 but waited outside the front door until I opened it at 9 a.m. He smiled when he first saw me and reached to touch me, but I stepped out of the way, giving him room to enter. He stepped around me and strolled into the house, taking note of things that were moved as he walked.
“You wanted to talk?” he announced, perching on the edge of the couch. I gingerly sat on the chair, nodding my head. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Why did you turn me?” I blurted out, looking straight into his eyes. He knew this question was coming.
He let out a small breath and said, “You were dying.”
“Yes, and?”
His eyes narrowed. “And I needed to save your life. It was the only way.”
“Are you sure?”
“What?”
“Are you sure?” I asked again. “That is was the only way?”
“Margo, you were flatlining. Your heart stopped.”
“I know,” I pressed on. “But was it the only way?”
“What are you trying to imply?” he said defensively.
“Did you change me because I was dying, and there was no other way or did you change me because I was dying?”
“You think if there was any other way, I would’ve done this to you? I know this isn’t what you wanted,” Theo fought. He was wringing his hands over and over again on his knees.
“When I said I didn’t want to be a wolf, I meant it,” I bit out, glaring at him. He paused to collect himself.
“You would have died,” he said.
“And that should have been my choice.”
“You don’t mean-”
“Don’t tell me what I mean or don’t mean,” I said pointedly but calm, looking away from his intense gaze. “I’m allowed to feel however I want to about this.”
“I know that.” He shuffled around, trying to seem calm. “But this isn’t the worst thing that could have happened to you.”
“You don’t know that. You’ve never been a human, Theo.”
“And you’ve never been a werewolf until now, and you’re not even giving it a chance.”
“Giving it a chance?” I chuckled, shaking my head in disbelief. “I shouldn’t have to give it a chance. I shouldn’t be this.”
“But you are,” he argued. “And I’m sorry that you hate it this much already, but you could also be dead and buried in the ground right now. So I’d say that’s a victory.”
“It’s not,” I sniffled. “It’s not a victory. This,” I gestured to my body. “Is not a victory. I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I am anymore.”
“You’re still Margo,” he breathed.
“I don’t feel like myself.” My voice was tight. “I feel like the last thing tying me to my parents is gone.”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel like that,” Theo said, sitting beside me on the bed. We both stared down.
“You’ll
