"But..." I stuttered. I just said the word, even though I didn't have any other words to say afterwards. My mind was totally blank after 'But.' What the hell kind of thing could I say to that anyway?
"I'm sorry." Maria said softly, before she started standing up.
All my reflexes fired to life as I started to panic. I grabbed her by the hand, pulling her back down towards me. She slumped next to me again.
"You're kidding, I mean... this cannot be the end. It can't. It hasn't even begun yet Maria. We haven't even given this thing a chance... and now what? It's over, before it's begun?" The words flew out of my mouth like bullets. All of a sudden I had a whole bunch of stuff to say, and I wasn't ending anytime soon, not until she got it. Not until she understood how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. "Maria... you can't walk away now. It's only beginning for us. Our adventure is only beginning..."
Maria reached up and put her hand over my mouth. I grabbed it and held onto it. Kissing the back of it like it was a long lost lover.
"We have no choice." She said taking her hand away "You have to take that scholarship, and I'm going away next year. That's just the way it's worked out."
"But I don't want it to work out like that." I twisted my fingers through hers and gripped her hand hard. I wasn't going to let her go. Not now that we were so damn close.
"Maybe it's the way it was supposed to work out." She offered, her fingers twirled in my hand and I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb.
"How can you be so calm about this. So logical?"
"I've had time to think about it. And when you do, you'll also realize it's the right thing to do too."
She started getting up again and this time I didn't stop her. But before she did, she grabbed a giant slice of pizza and an extra few donuts. She took a bite and smiled at me faintly. I could see she was trying to put on a brave face.
"But this is not supposed to happen like this." I jumped up, "This is meant to be your big Hollywood gesture, the one that cannot be refused because it's so romantic and blows you off your feet and – "
She took another bite of the pizza. "This was perfect. This was the best romantic gesture in the history of romantic gestures."
"But it wasn't enough?"
"It was. It was more than enough."
I wanted for her to add to that, but she didn't. "And?"
She shook her head. "There is no 'and'. It was perfect." Her eyes looked like they were tearing up again and she began to turn around. That panic from earlier was back. It felt like if I let her walk away now, it was over. Maria and I would be over.
"Wait! Why don't you stay for supper, we're still friends aren't we?"
She turned back slowly, "We are still friends. Best friends, but I need some..."
"Time." I added before she had a chance to finish. She needed time. Maria needed time away from me. Maria needed time away from loving me.
"Time." She repeated the word and nodded back at me. I tried to give her a faint understanding smile, but my lips didn't move. She took a step forward and planted a small kiss on my mouth. I felt her lips linger and heard the breathy whimper that escaped her lips just a tiny bit. She started to pull away and I grabbed her and kissed her harder.
For a moment I thought she would pull away, but she didn't. She kissed me right back and wrapped both her arms around me. I didn't hesitate in reciprocating. My hands wandered down her back and I wanted to move them lower. The kiss was different this time. It was hungry, and sexy and hot as hell. She took my hand in hers and moved it down over her ass. I was shocked, but wasn't going to snub the invitation. I started walking her backwards until her back pressed into the tree. The kiss grew faster and hotter by the second, until... as if we were both thinking the same thing, we both pulled away. Both of us gasping for air. I looked into her eyes. Her pupils were big and black and dilated and she was looking at me in a way I'd never seen before. She wiped her mouth and turned. She started to run. Down the hill, getting smaller and smaller and darker and darker the shadows swallowing her up until... she was gone.
What had just happened? That whole thing hadn't gone as planned. At all. And the kiss had left me reeling. One minute we were breaking up and then next minute she was kissing my like that. Like she wanted more. God, I wanted more. I wanted everything from her.
The kiss was just so unexpected that I wasn't sure how to feel about it, not to mention what had just happed between us. I guess it must be like going to the doctor for a cold, and him telling you he needs to amputate your arms. It was that unexpected.
I sat there on the blanket in absolute, still silence listening to my heart beating faster and faster like a drum. Waves of adrenaline were surging through my body and telling me to get up and run. To chase her and get my girl. But another part was telling me to let her go.
Without thinking I grabbed a slice of pizza and donut and kind of shoved them both in my mouth at the same time. It instantly felt good to chew and soon I was popping more into my mouth. HA! This was
