I'm not really sure how long I sat there for, but after I had eaten almost everything in sight, I noticed that it was definitely darker and getting colder. I grabbed all my things and started the long walk home. And with nothing to distract myself, all the food was gone, my only thought was of Maria.
Maria....
I needed her like I needed air. And I wasn't sure how I was supposed to go to another school and not have her a literal stones throw away. I arrived at my house, with an automatic look up at Maria's window. The lights were on, but the curtains were closed. I went up to my room and dumped my sorry self on the bed. I took my phone out and the scout had called two more times.
"You have to take the scholarship", she'd said. "All of it."
She was right. A part of me knew that, even if I didn't want to do it. I picked my phone up and started writing the scout a message, but then stopped myself. I rolled off my bed and walked over to my window and opened it. I sat there facing Maria's window and wrote her a message. The memory of that kiss was still playing on my mind and my body.
Mike: What are you thinking about?
I waited. I felt like I waited a lifetime.
Maria: What are u thinking about?
Mike: About u.
Maria: Me .
Mike: I still love u.
Maria: Me
Mike: So why can't we be together then?
Maria: Cos u have go and conquer the tennis world and I have go and find myself, and some ruins. Promise me you'll take the scholarship Mike.
My heart started beating faster as I looked at her message. I didn't want to take it. Every part of me didn't want to leave her.
Maria: Promise me!
I still couldn't believe this was actually happening.
Maria: Promise me you'll do it!
I bit down on my lip and tasted blood I had done it so hard. My fingers wee shaking and my stomach churning as I typed.
Mike: I promise.
My heart broke into a million pieces. How many more nights was I going to be able to stand in my bedroom and look across as Maria's window? What if this was one of the last nights?
That kiss.... My fingers started typing again.
Mike: Why did you kiss me like that?
Maria: Because I wanted to.
Mike: Open ur curtain. I want c u.
I looked up and waited. Finally, a tiny hand peeped out from around the curtain and it was pushed aside. She was standing there wearing a totally oversized t-shirt that hung off her one shoulder. Her hair was wet, like she'd just stepped out the shower and I'd never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her. I wanted her in every way possible.
Mike: Ur so fucking beautiful Maria.
Even though we were far away, I could still make out her blush. She shuffled from side to side and looked coy. I was transfixed by her and stared. Gaped maybe. The sound of my phone beeping snapped me back to reality.
Maria: Ur not to bad either.
I smiled at her message and started typing my own. Once I was done, I stared at the words I had written.
Maria: I want to kiss you like that again, and more....
My finger hovered over the message. I didn't know whether to send it or not. If I did, we were crossing over a line that we'd never crossed over before. We had toyed with the line during the kiss though. A feeling started rising in me and I had no idea whether I should act on it. Especially considering what was going on. But I had no idea how much longer Maria and I had left, and it was now or never. I pressed send and her response was instant. She looked up at me and then quickly averted her eyes. It looked like she was trying to type a message, but kept deleting it.
Mike: Can I come over?
I typed the words, and they were totally loaded with something else. We both knew that, the way she shuffled while reading the message let me know that she knew exactly what I meant.
Maria: I don't know.
My heart sank and I suddenly felt bad for even taking the conversation there. Shit, I had crossed line, but just as I was about to type something back apologizing I got a message from her.
Maria: Let me think about it.
My head snapped up and I looked across at her. She was smiling this strange, coy, yet naughty looking smile and it made me crumble. She closed her curtains with a flourish.
Maria
I woke up the next morning with the fattest smile plastered across my face. I hadn't been able to get rid of it since the message exchange. That message exchange. In fact, when I thought about it all, the smile kind of turned into something coy and very girly- unlike me. Totally unlike me. A bit blush-y and totally girl-y.
But the whole thing also seemed to have backtracked. Done a and looped the hell around. I had gone there to end it with Mike and now I was thinking, about us.... The possibility that we might...
I couldn't even quite say it in my mind, let alone out loud. I guess in a perfect world I had always wanted Mike to be my first. But Mike was also changing schools, and I was going away at the end of the year. Perhaps not the best
