“Where’s Ali?”
Lindsey pulled out her phone and called her, her teeth pulling at her lip as she waited for her to answer. “She’s not answering.”
“Shit. Okay, we just have to get him to a doctor.”
“Like that?”
I glared at her. “No, I’ll pull up his pants.”
“Please do. I mean, it’s not a bad look, but I’m pretty sure my husband would kill me if he knew I was staring at another man’s massive penis.”
“It’s not that big,” I grumbled, even though I knew that was a lie. I tried to pull up his pants, but his cock was in the way, refusing to go into his underwear.
“Just shove it inside,” she said, motioning for me to cram it in there.
“I don’t want to hurt him.”
“He’s passed out. He’s not going to feel a thing.”
I tried again, but it just wouldn’t go in. I panicked, knowing that this wasn’t really that hard, but between my fingers being soaked in his blood and the fact that he was bleeding out on the floor, I was not in a state to be able to pull up his underwear.
“What is with all the racket- Oh. My. God.” Vanessa stared down at Parker’s waist, obviously transfixed by his penis. I rolled my eyes, wondering what the hell was going to happen if an old lady walked past. Would she die on the spot? I couldn’t be responsible for two deaths in one day. “Look at the size of his penis!”
“I know, right?” Lindsey shrieked. “It’s like, freakishly big!”
“How did you fit that inside you?” Vanessa asked.
I held up my hands, hoping to point out that we had bigger problems, but she jumped to the wrong conclusion.
“Oh my God! He tore you open? How are you still awake?”
“It’s not from me!” I pointed down at his side and motioned with my eyes for her to look. She gasped and took a step back.
“Holy shit. I thought you said you weren’t going to hurt any of them!”
“I didn’t do it!” I shouted back, wondering why the fuck everyone was thinking that I had done this, all while his giant penis was fucking me.
“Lindsey!” a male voice shouted. Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth. “Quick! Hide the body!”
“Hide the body? He’s still alive! He’s not dead. We can’t just shove him in the closet!”
“Well, I can’t have my husband walking up here and seeing a man laying on the ground in your room with his gigantic penis sticking out!” she whisper-hissed.
“It’s not gigantic. It’s slightly larger than the average male!”
Vanessa snorted, shaking her head slightly. “That is not what the average male looks like.”
Heavy footsteps on the stairs had Lindsey and Vanessa grabbing me and hauling me to my feet to stand in front of Parker, all to cover his penis. Seriously, did they not understand that the man was lying in a pool of blood on the floor?
“Princess?” A blonde god of a man walked up the steps, giving a sexy smirk that had my knees shaking. I could only assume that this was Lindsey’s husband. Good God, what did the town put in the water? The men were all freakishly good-looking, and this one reminded me of Val Kilmer when he was in Top Gun. In fact, if I looked at him just right, I could imagine him out in the sand playing beach volleyball.
“Holy crap,” I muttered.
She elbowed me, bringing me back to the present. “Hey, John. What’s going on?”
He narrowed his eyes at her stiff tone and took in the three of us, standing in the bedroom in a line. “What’s going on?”
“What? Oh, nothing,” she waved him off. “Vanessa and I were just getting our new tenant set up for the evening. Isn’t that right?”
“Uh, yep. Just moving in for a few days.” I jerked my hand out to shake hands with him, my politeness instincts that my mother ingrained in me kicking in. He looked down at my hand, and ever so slowly, it dawned on me that I had made a critical error. My eyes drifted down to my blood-stained hand and then lifted to meet his eyes. For an FBI agent, I was really sucking big time at the moment. Put me in a fight with a killer and I would come out on top. Have me search a crime scene for evidence and I would bring you back every scrap of evidence that could be found. But apparently, if you put me in the room with a man whose cock was so ginormous that it wouldn’t go down, even after he passed out, I turned into a basket case and couldn’t fucking control myself.
“Is that blood?”
I barked out a laugh and waved him off. “Oh, you know, that time of the month. Didn’t have any tampons handy,” I laughed. Good God, just shut up! “Guess I should have used something other than my hand. Toilet paper or a hand towel,” I burst out in laughter, before it slowly died on my lips.
He was staring me down like I was psychotic. He stepped forward and quickly grasped onto Vanessa and Lindsey’s arms and yanked them toward him, shoving them behind him. Only then did he see the man on the floor.
“Parker?”
I cringed and took a step to the side, thinking I might still have a chance at hiding him. John shoved past me and knelt down on the ground, only to pause when he saw his giant cock staring up at everyone.
He looked up at me warily and then back down. “Did that cause that?” he asked, pointing first to Parker’s cock and then to the blood on my hands.
“No! They don’t have anything to do with one another!” I said exasperatedly. “I mean, technically they do.
