“Yeah, she wouldn’t do anything, right?” Sean says, staring off. “She’d never do that to me, right?”
27
BLYTHE
We walk into the gym, and the music explodes. The fizz through my bones. That fuzzy escape. I’m not sluggish the way I usually feel when I drink champagne, but bubbly and free. I see Ali walking in and I love her so much. I’m going to repair everything. When I’m done, it’ll be storybook. I can’t have him, but—my little prodigy, my little Ali Greenleaf—she can have him.
Even if she doesn’t want him, I should at least try to make it better. Don’t I owe it to them both? For her to see his soft side? To see the side that I see?
ALI
“Red tights? Shut the fuck up! You are like a fashion goddess,” Blythe says, attacking me the minute I walk through the dark gym. Screaming my name. Ali Greenleaf!
Strobe lights kick back purples and blues across the wall. All of a sudden, everything I’m wearing is neon as the music pumps with a deafening hum.
Blythe, Suki, and Donnie crowd around me.
Blythe’s wearing this long, soft pink, practically see-through, strapless lace dress with bright red strappy heels. Her hair is down and wild. She’s a rosy sky over an ocean. A peony in the spring. Overpowering and sweet-smelling. I’m scared that I’ll never stop idolizing her. I’m scared that I’ll always think she’s better than me.
BLYTHE
Dev and Sean fist pump to music toward the center of the gym. Chase and Cate are way ahead of us.
I float close to Ali. Sweet, innocent Ali. I hate to see her get so mixed up in the head about things. I want to talk to her, really talk to her. Really give her guidance. Really show her how it can be. How she and Sean can just wash this away. I want to say so many things to her—I want to tell her the truth. That I love Sean. That underneath it all he cares. That it has to be a big, drunken mistake. That he didn’t mean to hurt her. If she just saw him with his grandmother that day. If she saw how worried he was the night of Sophie Miller’s party. That he’s just a sweet, needy boy. Don’t we owe boys like him forgiveness? I know it’s not supposed to be that way, but I’m floating. I’m floating from too much champagne, from the music, from this dress, and I can’t stop. So I sieze her hands, just to hold on; otherwise, I’m like one of those rainbow balloons in the sky, taking off.
ALI
Blythe is so wasted that she doesn’t notice I’m backing away from her. She’s grasping at me. I’m not used to seeing Blythe so animated. She’s always so reserved and perfect. I feel uncomfortable. I want to crawl away. Donnie stands next to Blythe in this long black dress with sheer wings. Her skinny body almost translucent—the whole thing like a skeleton costume. She sways back and forth, unintentionally it seems.
I look for Sammi. She’s not going to like this. Them crowding me like this. So drunk. So out of control. She’s standing far behind. Outside the group. Her face in her phone.
“Where’ve you been tonight, Jensen?” Raj says.
“At Cate’s, you silly goose,” she says. More slurring. “You two bitches were supposed to come to the pre-party.”
We look over at Devon and Sean Nessel, who are fist pumping with a group of soccer players. They’re jumping up and down like maniacs. Raging animals ready to pounce.
Then Sean Nessel turns around and faces us. He stops jump-ing and nudges Devon. The two of them point to me and Raj.
Devon waves to Raj, hollering. “Re-run! Re-run!”
Raj turns to me. His voice real low. “We don’t have to hang out with these guys.”
I search around for Sammi. Meet her eyes. She slides in next to me.
“What’s going on? We can get out of here.”
But I feel paralyzed, like there are too many things happening and I’m trapped in this weird cell that I can’t get out of. And the lights. And Blythe screaming at me with too much energy.
Suki searches through her purse, a weed pen in her hand. In the school. With everyone to see.
“She’s going to get busted—” Sammi says.
“Put it away, you idiot,” Blythe says to her.
“It’s gonna be legal everywhere soon anyway, who cares,” she slurs.
These girls are too wasted and it’s too public. I thought I wanted this. For Sean Nessel to see me. To be strong. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do—confront him? Persuade him to fall madly in love with me? Kill him? I don’t know what I wanted. I don’t know what I want right now, except I don’t want to be around this. I don’t want to stand here waiting for Sean Nessel to stroll over. What a cute girl you are, Ali. I’m going to scream, or throw up, and I want to escape, but I can’t move. My legs feel like heavy weights. I imagine him on top of me. Pinning my shoulder down.
BLYTHE
I look over at Sean dancing, how dreamy he looks. Lights flash across his face.
Ali. Ali. I need to focus on Ali. Make it all better with Ali.
“If you’re not going to dance with me, Ali, then dance with him,” I say.
“Who?”
I pull her hands in. “Pretend we’re at a yoga retreat.”
She rolls her eyes, but Ali always rolls her eyes. I don’t care anyway.
“I’m not going to let go of you, Greenleaf. I’m going to make this better, don’t you see? Life is about forgiveness. You have to understand that people sometimes just don’t do the right thing in life. You and I know this. Don’t we? I want you to be happy, Ali. And he wants so badly for you to forgive him. It’s all he thinks about. If
