The lady looked at his cut and bruised face, her eyes full of sadness. “I would like nothing more, Philip. But I worry about putting you in more danger.”
“Emma, please, we’ve talked about this. Your father can’t force you to marry my brother while he’s still married. Give me time to work out a plan for us to be together. I know I can do it.”
Gilda was also startled by Emma’s words. “Being a nun is a vocation that gives a woman a chance to help people and to find spiritual peace. It’s a very satisfying life, but it’s not for everyone. I don’t recommend it as a solution for resolving your conflict with your father. It’s a choice you should make for other reasons.”
Emma nodded. “I understand what you are telling me, Sister Gilda. I want to be with Philip. But if that isn’t possible, I can flee to a convent as Lady Mariel did.”
“I hope things work out for you and Philip,” Gilda replied. Although she was glad Emma understood that there was something she could do to escape marrying Cedric, Gilda didn’t want to encourage flight while Philip was staring at her in dismay.
Philip took Emma’s arm. “I wish to say goodbye to Lady Emma in private. I’ll be back in a minute,” he said as he moved through the door quickly, not giving Justin a chance to object.
As soon as they were alone, Justin turned to Gilda. “You shouldn’t have encouraged Lady Emma to join a convent. That’s not the answer for every woman who has a problem.”
“It certainly isn’t, and I did not encourage her to join a convent to solve her problem. If you were listening carefully, you would know I said the opposite.” To avoid his piercing stare, she turned to help herself to a piece of the fresh bread Emma had left on a bench.
“You made the life seem ideal. All that freedom from the dictates of husbands and fathers. That’s all she is going to remember.”
“Emma is a clever woman, and I think she understood what I was saying, even if you didn’t.”
With a violent movement, Justin ripped a piece of bread from the loaf in front of them. “Oh, I understand all right. You love the freedom you enjoy as a nun with no father or husband to worry about.”
Gilda stopped chewing and threw her bread down. “That’s it, isn’t it? You aren’t worried about my misleading Emma. You’re angry because I’m satisfied with my life as a nun.”
“You receive satisfaction from other things, too, Gilda. You like being kissed, being touched. How do you plan to fit that in with your love for your vocation? Answer me that.”
“Lower your voice,” she hissed. “Yes, you have taught me to appreciate those things. What are you trying to say?”
“I want to know what your intentions are. Are you going to make love to me to satisfy your curiosity, then return to the convent? Is that your plan?”
“I don’t have a plan, Justin.”
“All right. I can accept that. But what if I had given you what you wanted this morning? What would you have done?”
“But you didn’t give me what I wanted, did you? Because you knew it would have been wrong. And you were right, Justin. Thank you for having the control and good sense to stop.”
“Holy mother. You are turning this around on me. Are you angry because I stopped?”
Gilda paused to consider his question. “Maybe a little. But please believe me, it was the right thing. I’m the one who made a mistake. I forgot who I am.”
“It doesn’t feel right now.” He took a step toward her, but before he could reach out to touch her, the door opened, and Philip strode in.
The young man glared at Gilda. “Did you have to put ideas in Emma’s head about becoming a nun?”
Before Gilda could reply, Justin spoke harshly to Philip. “You forget yourself. You shouldn’t have brought Emma here, and you shouldn’t have left in the middle of the night. I hope you got some rest because we’re leaving.”
Philip looked like he wanted to say more, but Justin’s fierce expression discouraged him. When Justin began to gather together the few belongings they had brought to the cottage, Philip moved forward to help.
Gilda followed their lead, packing up the food she no longer had an interest in eating. Justin was being unreasonable, but he had made a good point. That morning she had acted recklessly. If Justin had made love to her, as she had all but begged him to do, she could have become pregnant. If that happened, she’d lose all control over her decision about the future.
Her involvement with Justin was threatening her freedom to choose. She stole a look at his face and could see that he wasn’t happy with her. But at least Philip hadn’t stayed angry.
“Let me help you with that,” he said as he lifted her pack.
“For heaven’s sake, let’s get going. The others will be way ahead of us,” Justin complained, causing Philip to look at Gilda and shake his head.
CHAPTER NINE
Philip, Justin, and Gilda rode in gloomy silence as they made their way along the road that would lead them to the Convent of Saint Ives. Philip, who was upset at having to say goodbye to Lady Emma, took a while to realize that he wasn’t the only one in a melancholy mood. When he did notice that Gilda trailed behind and Justin rode well ahead, he urged his horse forward until he reached Justin.
“Is something amiss?” the young man asked Justin in a quiet voice.
“No,” Justin answered, keeping his eyes on the road ahead.
The curt reply kept Philip silent for a few minutes, but he finally spoke again. “Sometimes it helps to speak of the things that are bothering you.”
When Justin turned his eyes upon Philip, one eyebrow was raised. Unaffected by the wary look, the young man persisted, “Perhaps I
