“I believe he does. He wants our betrothal to be real, and I know he wants me in his bed.” Gilda hung her head.
Freda watched her for a while in silence, then said, “You knew from the beginning there was something between the two of you, and yet you came on this journey. I thought you wanted to see how things would develop. Now you have found out, and yet you are troubled.”
“Yes. I’m troubled because since I was quite young I’ve never lived anywhere but the convent. Teaching children and helping abandoned women is what I do. I feel useful and I like that. If I married Justin, my life would change. I’ve visited court, and the life of the lords and ladies there never appealed to me.”
Gilda thought about her recent glimpse of court life. “Before you arrived, we met a group of nobles at the shrine, and the encounter reminded me of how shallow they can be. One of the ladies was gleefully telling Justin that Lady Lilith’s husband just died. She was matchmaking while the earth on the dead man’s grave is still fresh.”
“Gilda, you can’t judge a group of people by a few you met on the road. You know better than that.”
“There’s more. Justin knew Lady Lilith when she was a widow. He knew her very well and for a long time before she married again.” Gilda was sure Freda would get her meaning.
“But he didn’t marry her, did he? Perhaps that means she did not mean as much to him as you do.”
“Or perhaps he wasn’t rich enough for her to marry. She may be richer now that she has survived a second husband.” Gilda was surprised to hear the bitterness in her own voice.
“Gilda, we don’t really know what went on between Justin and Lady Lilith, and it was a while ago. He wants to marry you. And you believe he cares for you, is that right?”
Gilda nodded.
“Well, you have a choice to make. I think you are fortunate, as you are torn between two things you love. Others don’t have such luxury. I know it will be hard, but you have to choose. Then you live with your choice and throw all your energy into making it the right one.”
Freda paused, rethinking her words. “Forgive me, Gilda, I make it sound easy, and it isn’t. Perhaps I’m a little jealous. You need to talk to Justin.”
Gilda smiled at her friend. “I appreciate your honesty and understanding. Lord Justin and I have to concentrate on resolving the question of Count Cedric’s annulment. I can’t be distracted now.”
“You are already distracted, Gilda. Don’t wait too long to speak with Justin.”
The next day as they rode through the gates of the Convent of Saint Ives, Gilda breathed a sigh of relief at being home. Her smile was wide when a few of the sisters and young children ran to greet her and Freda.
As Justin watched her reception, his expression was sober. Then he noticed a few of the girls looking at him and giggling behind their hands. They didn’t leave Gilda’s side, but their interest was clear.
Gilda saw the children’s reaction to Justin. He was a handsome figure, and even Philip did not receive as much attention from the school children. When Gilda grinned at him, Justin lost some of his reserve and came to walk beside her.
As Gilda and Justin headed for the community hall, the same girls followed, staying a short distance behind. The one exception was a round-faced cherub who followed on Justin’s heels, inspecting him closely. She even reached out a chubby finger to touch the fur piece that lined the knife sheath hanging by his side. He smiled down at her, and she ran back to join the others. Justin saw her laughing while her friends patted her back.
“What was that all about?” Justin asked.
“No doubt the girls dared Hilary to touch the rabbit fur. Maybe for good luck, or just to see how it felt,” Gilda replied.
“Are they always this curious?” he asked Gilda.
“Oh, yes. That’s why it’s such fun teaching them.”
“I can understand why you feel that way.” He paused a minute, then leaned toward her to whisper, “You could teach your own children, you know.”
Pretending not to hear him, Gilda suddenly felt very warm. In spite of Freda’s advice, Gilda had avoided talking about their future. Now she was home, and it felt good. But the longing she had for the man beside her had not gone away.
It wasn’t until after vespers and supper that they had a chance to speak with Abbess Ermguerrd. As the abbess welcomed them back, Gilda felt the force of her observant eyes watching them as they related all that had happened at Mainz. Justin spoke of interviewing Count Cedric and Bishop Gunthar, and Gilda filled in the details and made it clear how clever Justin had been in learning that the count hoped to wed another. When they related the story of Philip filling in for Cedric at his wedding ceremony, Justin credited Gilda with realizing that Mariel, rather than being afraid of Philip, had arranged to meet him in the garden shed.
“Clearly you have worked well together, as King Louis had hoped.” It did not escape the abbess’s notice that both Gilda and Justin spoke well of the other’s contribution. “If Mariel thought she married Philip, surely he is the one most likely to have bedded her.”
“I don’t think so,” Gilda replied. “He admitted befriending her, but he is devoted to Lady Emma. Count Cedric could be lying.”
Justin was shaking his head. “It is just as unlikely that Cedric was intimate with the lady. He had plans to marry Lady Emma even before Lady Mariel arrived in Mainz. Bishop Gunthar, who also favors the alliance with Lady Emma, would have warned Cedric not to touch Mariel if he wished an annulment. I don’t know the answer, but I’d like to be there when Lady Mariel is questioned.”
Staring at Justin,
