Probably, Tom thought. Only his brain couldn’t function enough to form any. He shook his head.
‘Well, if you do think of anything, I’m happy to help. We’ll be in touch shortly to arrange your next check-up appointment, okay?’
Tom nodded and stood up, taking the hint that the appointment was over. He could feel a headache coming on, but this wasn’t the usual type caused by his eyes, this was a stress headache. His stomach lurched with queasiness and though he was clenching his jaw to keep his emotions in check, a stinging in his nose spread to the back of his eyes. ‘Thanks for your time, Mr Carrington.’
‘Take care, Mr Barton.’ The consultant rose and the two men shook hands before Tom left.
Closing the door softly behind him, he noticed he’d wrapped the scarf tightly around his hand again. Tom slumped down into a waiting-room chair. He was aware of the receptionist stepping out from behind the desk. She went to the water machine and filled a small plastic cup then, to Tom’s surprise, she came over and handed it to him. ‘Here you are, love. Have a minute.’
She’d probably never know it, but that small gesture of concern meant everything to him in that moment. The bottom had fallen out his world and everything he’d ever hoped and imagined was sliding down a big dark hole, forever lost to him. It felt like his life was over.
Taking a deep breath, he tried to regain some perspective. Others had it far worse than him and he hadn’t been told he had an incurable brain tumour which was something he’d genuinely feared. He sipped the water, feeling the coldness slide down his throat. Calming down, Tom felt more able to find Kieran though his hands were trembling. He took his phone off silent and saw he had some more messages from his friend who was only down the corridor, clearly as worried as he was. Tom went to find him, thinking that they could go into town and get a coffee to steady his nerves and give him some energy to figure out how he was going to cope with the rest of his life. There was no way he could think about anything like that on his own right now. Thanking the receptionist for her kindness, he stood on shaking legs and made his way out of the waiting area.
He made his way to the café feeling wobbly and almost faltered seeing the troubled look on his best friend’s face. Kieran went to the vending machine and bought them both a coffee. When he brought them over, Tom wrapped his hands around the thin paper cup. He still had a plaster on his index finger though it wasn’t as huge as the previous ones. It was just a normal plaster now.
Looking at Kieran, he suddenly realised he might never see Cat and Kieran’s kids, if they made it down the aisle, that was. Then his heart almost stopped beating. He’d never see Nell’s face again. A face he’d always wanted to cup in his hands, to kiss her lips and let her know just how much he loved her, how special she was and how different. To give her one of those romantic moments she loved in movies. Though it hadn’t ever really been on the cards for them, he felt the loss of the chance even more keenly.
‘So, what did the doc say?’
Tom’s eyes met Kieran’s and he told him the news.
‘Geez, mate. I’m so sorry.’ He shook his head. ‘Have you called Nell yet?’
‘No.’
‘Nigel?’
Tom sighed. ‘No.’
‘You have to. You know that, right?’
Tom stared at the dark liquid swirling in his cup. Kieran was right, he did have to tell his grandad and Nell too, but until he’d figured out how his life was going to work from now on, he didn’t want to worry them. And there was Janie to think about.
An overwhelming urge to make the most of the time he had to do the job he loved consumed him. What would happen to his business if he couldn’t do the deliveries? If he couldn’t see to make the designs and if he couldn’t do the actual accounting? Janie was proving to be very gifted, but she was young to handle so much responsibility and it was still responsibility he wanted to bear. When it came down to it, he wasn’t ready to give it up. He needed to get back to work. He’d left Janie alone in the shop enough already over these last few weeks.
That night at the Langdon Mansion Hotel, Nell had mentioned that her life seemed to be at a turning point. He hadn’t really understood at the time, but he did now. Only he hadn’t expected such a major one. ‘I’d best get back to the shop,’ he said, standing.
‘But you’ve hardly drunk your coffee,’ Kieran pointed out. He reached out and grabbed Tom’s sleeve. ‘I know it’s not the nicest coffee in the world, but come on, mate, take a minute. If you want to shout, cry … whatever, I don’t mind. I’m here to help.’
‘Sorry. I just – I just want to do something normal. I think I’ll head to work.’
‘Work? Really?’ Tom nodded. ‘If you’re sure.’ He let go and swigged some of his coffee before standing up. ‘Want me to come round tonight and we’ll watch the footie?’
Watch the footie. Even that phrase was like a knife plunged further into his chest. How long would it be until he couldn’t actually watch anything? All he’d have was the sound and audio descriptions. ‘No, thanks, mate. I need some time alone to get my head round this. Do you mind if we just go? I can’t stand this smell anymore.’ The aroma of disinfectant was even more pungent here. Or maybe it was him. Whatever it was, it was making him queasy.
‘Of course.’ The teddy bear side of Kieran was coming out again as his voice rang with
