I bang the door shut behind me and I collapse on the floor in a heap of tears and misery.
I also wish Drew was here to hold me. Stroke my hair. Kiss me.
But how can I be with him? How can I love him the way he deserves to be loved if I am constantly in fear of losing him? He should be with a girl who is proud of him, who holds him up, who is strong for him.
I can’t be strong for him.
I run into my bedroom and strip off my clothes.
I don’t even have his number. He doesn’t know where I live. We know nothing about each other.
I don’t think I will ever see him again.
I get in the shower and turn the temperature to hot. The stream of water nearly burns my skin, but this is exactly what I need. The sting of the hot water soothes me a little, calms me. I can see my skin starting to turn red. The makeup runs down my face. I lean against the cool tiles of the shower and close my eyes.
Why? Why did this have to happen to me? Why did it have to be him?
I thought I’d just met the man of my dreams. Handsome, charming, kind, sexy. A man who can look at me and make me want to give up everything and just run…run away with him. But I will never run away from the loss of my brother. It will always haunt me.
And if I tied things with Drew and lost him, it would break me…I can’t go through that pain again.
Am I destined to always be alone? Will I ever find someone else who makes me feel the way Drew does? I have such deep feelings for him. It happened instantly. One look and I knew he was the man I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. But I can’t let that happen.
After what feels like hours; I finally step out of the shower and dry myself off with a towel.
It’s over now. I will never see him again. The few hours that I have spent with Drew will only be a distant memory in a few months.
All I can hope for now is that I move on from this.
Drew
When Tristan walks through my door, I am standing at my window in the dark, knocking back my third shot of whisky. Since Lena ran out of my apartment, I haven’t turned on the lights or done anything else, but drink.
“Hey man, what’s going on?” I hear Tristan’s voice but I don’t see him.
He doesn’t turn on the big lights but seeks out one of the floor lamps and switches that on instead. There’s a dim glow in the room now. He stands near the light, staring at me. I know he senses something is wrong.
“I’m fine. I’m great. Just having a drink,” I reply.
We have been brothers-in-arms for some years now. We have served and fought and almost died together. Tristan knows when I’m lying and this time is no exception.
“Shane has been trying to get in touch with you since you vanished from the wedding, apparently. Hey man, we’re getting worried here,” he says and comes towards me.
“I met a girl. Her name is Lena.”
“At the wedding?” he asks and I nod. “That’s cool. Who is she? Where is she?”
“She’s gone. She made the decision to leave when I told her I’m getting deployed in three weeks.”
I watch as Tristan weaves a hand through his hair. He looks frustrated.
“Then forget about her. You don’t need some chick who chickens out. Let’s go to the bar. Everyone’s waiting there for you.”
“That’s the thing, man. I don’t want to forget about her.”
“Why did she leave? What scared her off?”
“She lost a brother in active duty. I can’t ask her to put herself in that position again.”
“You just met her today. You meet women everyday.”
“But there’s nobody like her. You don’t fuckin’ get it!” My voice is raised now. I mean, I love Tristan like a brother, but he is not exactly the kind of guy who understands what I’m going through. Nobody will unless they’ve gone through the same thing as me.
Love at first sight. I thought it was the stuff of children’s fairy tales. Now, I know how painful it can be.
“Okay, sure, I don’t get it. Why don’t you explain it to me, then?” he says. He knows I’ve been drinking, he knows I won’t stop tonight. He can see it in my eyes. He might think I’m only saying these things because I’m drinking, but my head has never been clearer.
“She is the one. She is the woman I’m supposed to make babies with. I want to marry her someday.”
“Marry?” he says, completely shocked. We have never discussed this before. Marriage has always been out of the question. But today has changed my opinion on marriage entirely.
“I want to have a family with her. Nobody else even comes close. But now she’s gone and I don’t think I will ever feel this way again.”
Tristan sighs. Maybe he thinks I’m a big idiot. Just an idiot drunk.
I watch as he walks over to the mini bar in my living room. He grabs a can of beer and snaps it open.
“I need a drink to wrap my brain around this,” he finally replies.
Lena
Ten days later
“Okay, buddy, you’re all set,” I say cheerfully, giving Clifford a hug before I set him down. He licks my hand, wagging his tail before he goes running to Naomi outside. She brings him around once every two weeks for a grooming session and he is one of my favourite customers.
Naomi usually spends the time flipping through magazines in the reception area so I’m expecting to find her there. When I step outside, I see a man sitting beside her
