“I could be different now.” I insisted. “LTZ is at the top of the charts, I have more leverage to get a better life balance.”
“C’mon, Jace. I know you’ve been very successful with Z, but your next album is crucial. It will determine LTZ’s staying power.” Alex spoke quietly.
My heart started thumping.
She was totally right.
We lay in silence cuddled together for a long while. To someone observing us, we probably looked calm. Peaceful even. Not the case. The rollercoaster of fear and resolution in my head was anything but.
There was no way on Earth I’d leave my band. We were just finally making life-changing money. I couldn’t ask Alex to give up on what she had built either.
The entire situation was fucked.
“Jace, it’s okay,” Alex whispered, entwining her fingers with mine.
“Would you at least come back to Seattle with me?” I was desperate to hold on to her, which was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. For anyone.
“It will just postpone the inevitable.”
“So what?” I said petulantly. “It gives us another month.”
“You’ll be busy the whole time!” Alex sounded exasperated and annoyed with me. “It won’t matter if I’m there.”
“It will matter because I want you there. Please,” I begged, abhorring how weak I sounded.
Alex kissed the stubble under my chin. “Jace, I don’t ever want this to be over.”
“You don’t?” I gripped her tightly, wondering how Ty managed to ever get through five years of this heartbreak shit.
“I’ll come home for a visit. I gave up my flat in Belfast, and I need to see my folks anyway. But we can’t go on like this.” She was firm. “I have my own life, my own stuff. I can’t put my own work on the back-burner like I have for the past few months, or my momentum will change.”
“I’m sorry you made such a sacrifice to hang out with me.” I snarked.
Was it really such a fucking hardship?
“C’mon, don’t pick a fight tonight. I didn’t say that,” Alex soothed me. I realized that somehow our roles had reversed. “I’m just saying, don’t be the type of guy that expects his girl to drop everything she’s worked for.”
“I’m not that guy! I never expected that.”
“Let’s please just live in our awesome sex bubble for one more night?” Alex pleaded. She snuggled into my side and stroked my cock slowly. “We can hash through this in Seattle.”
“Fine. Okay,” I conceded as my dick grew under her touch.
And so we were able to compartmentalize our geography situation for the rest of the night and focus on each other. I memorized the details of her beautiful, lithe body with my fingers, hands, and lips. Every dimple, every freckle, every erogenous zone, every moan, every breath.
I wouldn’t allow any thought that we would break up enter into my mind. Not when every part of her body was touching every part of mine. Not when I was inside her and I didn’t know where she began, and I ended.
By the time we left the villa, I felt more confident that we’d figure it out.
I wasn’t prepared for it to all come crashing down around me.
Alex stayed behind for a couple of appearances and didn’t arrive in Seattle until I’d already been home for ten days. Our television production schedule was insane, and my promise of the endless hours we’d spend together in our hometown had been broken.
We were like ships in the night. I could feel the connection we had in Europe slipping away each minute. My body ached for her. My heart yearned to hold her and kiss her. To fuck her so she’d never forget me.
But our time was up.
Alex filled up her schedule and pulled away from me even more.
Which crushed my soul because I tried so hard to make time to see her. To find stolen moments. To bring her to the set. To have her stay over and at least eat breakfast together.
Instead, we were settling for a few nights of frantic sex, which wasn’t enough for me. I could tell it wasn’t enough for her either.
I was irritated. She deflated.
Our stupid secret love affair meant I had no one to talk to about my frustration. The rest of the guys, even Ty, were having a ball filming and were psyched to get back out on the road in South America.
For me, after having some time off in Italy, I wanted to stay home. It was exhausting thinking about the fact that we wouldn’t be back home for at least another year. Maybe more. The only thing I could do to free up my time was to finally turn over social media to Andrew and Sienna.
So I did.
As my departure date neared, Alex became even more distant. Almost like she was waiting for me to leave so we could just get the breakup over with and go our separate ways. I, in turn, became more clingy. It was like I couldn’t help myself calling and texting her all day.
Frantic to reassure her we could keep our relationship going, I decided to try one last grand gesture.
Alex was visiting her dad on Bainbridge Island overnight, and I had the entire day to kill before her ferry arrived that evening. I called in a favor with my tattoo artist friend at Slave to the Needle and spent the day in Wallingford to incorporate a new design on my arm. Hours later, I was really pleased with the results.
I made a few stops before it was time to pick her up and get on with my plans.
When her ferry pulled to the dock, I was waiting with a giant bouquet of flowers I’d picked up at Pike Place Market. In homage to our time in Barcelona and London, and an attempt to be incognito in my hometown, I wore a Seattle Supersonics T-shirt, a Seattle Mariners baseball cap, and
