After I left him and made it to Germany, my plan was to go back to my old, carefree life. Let loose and date as much as possible to get him out of my system. Reality was different. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone but Jace touching me. Especially after my pregnancy scare and our breakup. I ended up taking all of this time to “just do me.”
Needless to say, I’d been celibate for almost two years.
In Munich, I soul searched about why I was so opposed to having kids. I knew that it was the reason Jace backed off from our relationship, so it was important for me to get clear. Partly, it stemmed from my teenage angsty self. My parents’ divorce sucked, and I didn’t ever want my own kids to go through that.
After a year, my perspective was broader. I still wasn’t sure that having a baby was for me, but the thought of a tiny Jace made me smile. Not that it was a possibility anymore. My reaction to the potential baby we could have had hurt him irreparably.
He was through with me.
Zoey and I made a fine pair. She didn’t date much. Well, at all. Her excuse was the long hours she worked, which had replaced the long hours she buried herself in college and law school studies. I didn’t bother making my own excuses.
“God, I’d sure love to travel with you sometime.” Zoey looked at me wistfully. “I’m heading toward thirty and losing out on the best years of my life.”
“You’re barely twenty-five, you geek. Hardly thirty. Why don’t you take a year off?” I encouraged. “We could see the world together!”
“I so want to take you up on that.” Zoey pulled her wild mane of hair into a messy knot on top of her head. “Maybe someday.”
Not wanting to pressure her, I let it go. Each of us grabbed a box and brought it out to her car. It took about five trips and all I owned was ready to move. We jumped into her Toyota, and soon, we pulled into my parking space under the new condo building. We grabbed a flatbed dolly and in one trip brought the boxes up the elevator to my coveted corner unit.
“I can’t believe this view!” Zoey ran to the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the Olympic Mountains and Puget Sound. Two ferries crossed as they made their way to Bainbridge Island and Seattle, respectively. If you craned your head, it was possible to see a glimpse of Mt. Rainier to the left.
“Yeah, the place is small, but the view is to die for.” I was going to love having a gorgeous view of the water, so peaceful.
“Can we order pizza and watch some TV?” Zoey flipped on the big-screen TV that came with the condo. “I never do that anymore.”
“I haven’t watched TV in years.” I laughed, plopping down next to her. “Why not?”
After ordering a large Pagliacci AGOG pizza, we settled into the oversize double chairs and started flipping channels. We struggled to find something to watch and laughed at the fact that I had over 600 channels, but “nothing” was on.
Finally, we settled on an entertainment show that was featuring Emmy nominees. As they were reporting on the best actress category, Ty’s gorgeous face filled the screen and the shot panned back to reveal a full shot of him wearing a black-and-green-plaid suit, his hair flowing wild around his shoulders. He was holding the delicate hand of the beautiful actress Ronni Miller, who gazed up at him lovingly through a cascade of chestnut curls.
“Tyson Rainier, the sexy singer of LTZ and Ronni Miller, who is nominated for an Emmy this weekend make a gorgeous couple. Hearts are breaking all over the world now that Ty has finally coupled up. Does this mean he is finally over the mysterious Z? She’s no doubt crying in her pillow tonight . . .”
Zooming in on Ronni’s big, soulful brown eyes, even I had to admit that she was stunning. Peaches-and-cream skin, full, pouty lips, and a smile that would make the saddest person happy. Her toned body was the perfect canvas for the understated black Versace dress. Black Louboutin pumps made her legs look like they were miles long.
As the cameras on the red carpet flashed, Ty and Ronni looked at each other with huge smiles on their faces, almost like they shared a secret.
I shut off the TV quickly and looked over at Zoey. Her face was, at first, impassive. Then she looked at me and tears pooled in her eyes and then spilled.
“I can’t handle it,” she could barely get the words out. “Even now. I’ll never get over him, Alex.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I leaned over to her and rested my head on her shoulder.
“I actually didn’t mind as much when he was a slutty whore-man. Those girls didn’t mean anything.” She buried her face in her hands and wept.
I let her get it all out for a few minutes.
Zoey’s voice was raw, anguished. “Now he’s settling down with someone. It could have been me, but I threw him away. How pathetic am I that I’m still in love with a guy who doesn’t even give me a second thought.”
“That’s not true.” I stared out the window and tried to give her some of the insight I had without overstepping the boundaries she’d always set. “He wrote an entire album about you.”
“A hate album.” She cried harder.
“It’s also a love letter to the only woman I think he’ll ever love. Focus on the positive.” I gripped her hand. “Sometimes I wish we had never gone to that show.”
“I don’t. I don’t regret any of my time with Ty.” Zoey
