“Maybe…” My first thought was to say hell yes. I would love nothing more than spending more time with Cass. But both of us sleeping in her house? Eventually, I would have a moment of weakness seeing her beautiful face and sexy body every day. And I would probably end up hurting Cass and ruining our friendship when I couldn’t give her more.
I need her in my life more than I need her in my bed. Other than my family, Cassidy’s the only person who has always been there for me.
Chapter Ten
Cassidy
I can’t believe it’s finally happening – Xavier may be moving back home!
I’ve been waiting for this moment for ten years, missing him like crazy for each and every single minute.
Not only is he probably moving back, but he’s single again, which makes me wonder if it’s finally time for me to tell him the truth about how I feel about him.
I didn’t tell him in high school because he was my one and only friend. Then, in college, he was too far away, so even if he felt the same way about me, which I don’t believe he did, long distance never would have worked.
Now though? All it will take is a leap of faith to find out if he wants to cross the friend line and we could actually be together.
Am I willing to risk the fallout?
Losing Xavier as a friend would be devastating, but the last twenty years haven’t exactly been easy, keeping my feelings for him all bottled up. Even if Xavier tells me he doesn’t want to be more than friends, at least I’ll finally know and be able to move on. Holding out hope for something that may never happen is becoming depressing and exhausting.
It’s time to go for it. We’re up here in the mountains alone, and I don’t think he would up and leave me here. We could just have a conversation, and he’ll say yes or no, and then we can go from there.
“Xavier…” I start and then pause, trying to find the words to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him. That I’ve loved him for so long it hurts and that I hope he feels the same way.
His pacing pauses, and then he turns to me and says, “My parents think I should give Camilla a second chance.”
What the everloving fuck?
“That’s…that’s…”
“Stupid, right?” he finishes for me. Running his fingers through the front of his hair, he says, “Apparently they had a falling-out years ago and separated when I was only three or four, before Macy was born.”
“Really?” I ask in surprise.
“Yeah. I had no clue. My dad said he thought they were headed for divorce, but my mom gave him another chance and let him move back in.”
“What did he do?”
“I don’t know, neither of them told me what the argument was about,” Xavier says. “But they made up, so that’s all that matters now.”
“But I thought you’ve already finalized the divorce, so why would you want to have to see or talk to Camilla again?” I ask.
“I know,” he agrees before his pacing resumes. Then I notice the glint from his left hand that he’s fidgeting with. How did I miss that before? He’s still wearing his wedding band. “My mom and dad both said everyone makes mistakes and deserve a chance to make amends. One day, I probably will have to talk to her to figure out what went wrong,” he says, making me want to slap him across his handsome face.
“You don’t need to talk to her, because I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong. Even if you didn’t, she may be pissed and lie to say something just to hurt you now that it’s over.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Xavier agrees. “I moved out because I didn’t want to even see her face.”
“You didn’t see her at the attorney’s office?” I ask.
“What?”
“During the divorce proceedings or whatever?”
“Oh, no,” he responds. “Lawyers handled all of that shit.”
“Yeah,” I say. “It’s done and over now, so I think it’s time for you to move forward and not look back.”
“You’re right,” Xavier says. “I can focus on training to keep my mind off of her. Hell, off all women. I’m so done with trying to screw away my insecurities. I really should focus all of that time and energy into the cage.”
“Right, yes,” I say even though I’m inwardly deflating.
The moment to admit to Xavier how I feel about him has passed for now. He’s right — he needs to be focused on fighting. I’ll just have to wait until another one comes around in a few months or maybe years after he decides he’s ready to date again.
Chapter Eleven
Xavier
“Are you still awake?” Cass whispers from her sleeping bag that’s next to mine. Despite her earlier threat, she let me share her tent.
“Yep,” I reply. “It’s only, like, ten o’clock,” I remind her.
“You hate camping now, don’t you?” she asks, the sadness clear in her voice.
“No, I don’t hate camping. I just haven’t done it in a while, so it’s going to take some time to get used to all the animal sounds and hard ground underneath me again,” I assure her when I reach for her hand and cover it with mine. Why, I have no fucking idea. But Cass doesn’t pull away, so I leave it there because the skin-to-skin contact feels nice. I like the jolts of awareness that passes between us, not exactly sexual but deeper, like my soul reconnecting with its other half again.
Is that why our kiss was so much better than any other kiss? It was just two friends growing close again like when we were younger?
No, that hot tongue action definitely felt like it was headed toward more. If Cass hadn’t been tipsy, and if the doorbell hadn’t rang, it would have been the kind of kiss that
