“No!” he said. “No, no. Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“But it’s not your fault. That’s the only way you can get out of it.”
He laughed, no humor in his voice. I could hear him pacing back and forth. The familiar sound of traffic was going on around him and I could feel my anxiety ramping up. The longer he was silent for, the more scared I was. “I’m not a rat,” he said. “I’m not going to give anyone up.”
I scoffed. “Why not?”
“Look, even if I wanted to give them away, which to be clear, I don’t, going into a new environment like jail after you give up your accomplices is basically a death sentence,” he said. “It would be different if it was a trial and we had all gotten picked up, because then everyone does whatever they need to in order to survive. But I just went in, told on them because I was scared, and then just peaced out so I could get a short sentence? Please.”
“I mean… When you put it like that.”
“I’m,” he said. “Jess, I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t gotten you involved with this.”
“I’m a big girl. I can deal with that.”
“I don’t know if you can. I’m going to confess—”
“Stop,” I said. “Don’t do anything stupid. You need to speak to a lawyer.”
“No, I don’t. Even if I could, I have thought about this a lot,” he said. “And like I said, I don’t think you can talk me out of it. I’m trying, trying here. I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“Martyring yourself is not doing the right thing,” I replied. “You’re being ridiculous.”
He scoffed. “You don’t understand,” he said. “I’m trying to—”
“You’re not trying to do anything,” I said. “If you are truly going through with this, then I would like to be there with you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he replied.
“Too bad,” I said. “You can’t talk me out of it. Where are you?”
He laughed quietly. “Fine,” he said. “I’m in central, the police station near the plaza. I’ll send you a pin if that helps you find me.”
“Okay,” I said. “Please hold off on confessing until I get there, at least.”
“Fine,” he replied. “Fine. There’s a huge line, anyway…”
“Good,” I said. “Stay where you are, please.”
“Okay,” he said, after a little while. “Fine. I’ll wait for you. But only because I like you.”
I hung up and smiled for a second before I thought about the sinking feeling in my stomach.
CHAPTER TWENTY
2019
I got to the police station after navigating about forty-five minutes of traffic. My heart was beating so fast as I thought about whether he had walked into the police station and confessed, even though he had said he was going to wait for me. There were too many things on the line. I was worried, no, in fact, I was panicked. It took forever to find parking too, because the downtown area was always full of people, and I was worried that the ten minutes it took me to find a way to park was enough to push him over the edge.
When I got to the plaza, however, he was waiting, sitting on a bench. His hands were clasped together over his lap, and he was staring into the distance. I sped up my walk as I began to approach him, worried because he looked very pale. His foot was bouncing up and down on the hard ground, and I could see his jaw was tightening as he thought about what was about to happen. In truth, it did scare me. I thought maybe he would have changed his mind as he waited, but I knew him enough to see the determined look in his eyes, and see that it was not the case.
He was definitely going to do this. I was going to get no say. Whether I wanted it or not, he was going to turn himself in, and he was going to take responsibility for things that he was not responsible for. He probably thought it was his only way out, but I couldn’t help but be upset at the idea that he would be serving time for crimes he didn’t commit.
I knew he was responsible for some of it, but certainly not for all of it. He had tried to get out. He didn’t deserve to be the one taking the fall.
I sat down next to him.
He picked up his head and smiled at me. “I didn’t think you would make it.”
“Just because it took me like an hour to get here?”
“No,” he replied. “I thought you had come to your senses. I thought maybe you had found a doctor to date or something. You know, someone who isn’t getting you into a world of shit.”
“Ew,” I replied, wrinkling my nose. “Gross. Doctors are so arrogant.”
He laughed. “That’s not my experience,” he said. He stopped moving his foot up and down, and he looked at me, his gaze on my face for a few seconds before he spoke again. “In any case, you didn’t have to get involved.”
“I know. I wanted to get involved, otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. I noticed you were pulling away, and I was worried about you.”
He rolled his eyes, a smile still on his face. “Nothing gets past you, does it?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” I said, moving slightly so I was close enough to him that I could feel the heat from his body. I put my head on his shoulder and he draped an arm around me, holding
