“Is there a reason why she kil- why she did what she did?”
He nods slowly. “She was... raped...” He hesitates, “by my real father.”
I gasp.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
“And I’m the result. I’m the child of a- a rapist.” He covers his face with his hands. “She couldn’t handle it, what he did to her. No wonder I am the way I am, it’s because of him. I’m just like him.”
I rush over to Kyle and kneel down on the carpet in front of where he sits. I take his wrists and pull his hands away from his face, forcing him to look at me.
“Don’t you dare say that! Kyle, you are nothing like him. Do you really think I would be here now if you were?”
“I tricked your father so that I could have you, forced you to spend the week with me, I forced you into it when you didn’t want to, I might as well be like him.”
“You saved me from those guys in the alley... if you were like him at all, you wouldn’t have stopped them, you wouldn’t have come to save me. You haven’t done anything to me, you haven’t forced yourself on me or took advantage... you are not him, do you hear me?”
His eyes well with fresh tears.
“I’m so sorry for what happened to your mother.” I tear my eyes away from his and place my hands in my lap. “It happened to me too,” I say quietly, almost inaudibly.
“What do you mean?”
“I was seventeen.” I begin. “It was a few months before my mom died. I was in my room doing homework...”
I tell him my story, and he’s the perfect listener. He doesn’t speak at all. The memories flood back to me as if it only happened yesterday, vivid like a dream, pouring out of me. I’ve never once told my story, of what happened to me that day, just kept it bottled up inside, trying to block it out of my mind, I’d convinced myself that maybe if I didn’t think about it, or talk about it, I could pretend it didn’t happen, that it was only a nightmare.
“After it happened, when he’d gone, I just lay there, in shock.” Tears stream down my face, my voice beginning to falter, “I couldn’t move. I just lay there for hours before I found the courage to get up. I walked into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror... the bruises...” I sob, my face falls into my hands.
Kyle kneels down in front of me, his knees either side of mine and wraps his arms around me, letting me cry into his chest, my hands clutching handfuls of his shirt.
“It’s alright.” he reassures.
It feels good to be in his arms, it feels safe. I feel safe with him.
Regardless of everything that has happened between us, I know he would never hurt me.
I trust him.
He rests his chin on the top of my head and holds me until my tears subside.
I pull back slightly, his shirt is soaked. “Oh my God, I’m sorry.” I wipe my eyes on the back of my hands.
“You have nothing to apologise for.” His hold tightens around me as he kisses the top of my head. “Fuck,” he mumbles into my hair. “I want that bastard dead. I want him to pay for what he did to you.”
“He’s long gone. Nicholas disappeared, we never saw him again,” I say.
“Nicholas?”
I nod. “Yeah. Nicholas Payn.” The edge in my voice fills with disgust as I spit out his name.
Kyle remains silent, staring off into the distance as if deep in thought.
“Are you alright?” I ask.
His eyes flick to mine. “Hmm? Oh, yeah. Fine.” He cups my face in his hands, staring deep into my eyes. “I will never hurt you, ever. I need you to know you’re safe with me. You can trust me, I promise.”
I nod slowly. “I never got to thank you, for what you did for me in that alley, for saving me. I was so sure it was going to happen all over again.”
He shakes his head softly. “No thank you needed. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.”
I rise up and wrap my arms around him, my face buried in his neck. My lips graze the skin on his neck, sending a shiver through his body. “I trust you.”
Chapter 14
Kyle
I jump in my car and speed off down the street, Guns ‘n’ Roses’ entire Appetite for Destruction album blasting through my sound system, filling the car with noise, the deep bass reverberating through my body and pounding in my eardrums.
I had to get out of there.
I couldn’t stay there a moment longer.
That apartment felt too small all of a sudden, claustrophobic.
After Hayley fell asleep in my arms from all the crying, after the revelations and secrets we both shared not even an hour ago, I carried her to my bedroom, laid her down in the middle of my bed and left her to sleep.
I left a note in case she woke up before I got back saying that I’d gone for food, that was partly true, but as I stood and watched over her deep in sleep, the pain, and the guilt and the anger flooded in, cutting me up from the inside.
My head is swimming, unable to focus.
Nicholas Payn.
Fuck.
I knew that name.
My heart stopped beating once it left her lips.
Time stood still.
I thought I would never hear that name again, I hoped and prayed that I never would. But here I was, the name plaguing my thoughts all over again.
My hands grip the steering wheel so tight my knuckles are beginning to turn white.
I turn sharply and pull up to the curb, turning off the engine. I pound the wheel with my fists, hard, before resting my forehead forward, taking slow, deep breaths.
This was too much, just too damn much to handle, even for
