I cry for the girl I love, how I lied to her, kept the worst secret possible from her and abused her trust. How I hurt her.
I cry for me, the stupid selfish bastard who destroyed the only good thing in his sad pathetic life. I cry for the future I used to see so clearly, but now she’s gone, it fades away just like a dream.
My front door opens, and the sound of footsteps draw closer.
“Hayley?”
I look up to find my mom and my dad staring down at me, their eyes wide in shock at the state of my apartment, and me.
“Oh, Kyle,” my mom gasps.
“Come on.” My dad steps towards me and pulls me up on to my feet and walks me to the sofa.
I fall back against the cushions as my mom perches on the couch next to me, she places her hand on my knee comfortingly.
“You’re father told me everything, Kyle, I’m so sorry.”
I look up at my dad. “Everything?”
He nods regretfully. “Everything,” he confirms.
“So, mom, how does it feel to know I’m the spawn of a rapist?”
My mom gasps, holding back a cry. “Kyle.”
Fuck. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“What happened with Hayley, did you find her?” my dad asks.
“Yeah, I found her, and she wants fuck all to do with me, can’t say that I blame her.” My head falls back against the cushions, exhaling deeply.
“Why did you keep it from her, Kyle. She had a right to know don’t you think?” my mom says softly.
“You don’t think I know that? I kept it from her to protect her, to save hurting her, and look how that panned out. Look, I’m really not in the mood for talking, I just lost the only good thing in my life and it’s all my fault, so could you please leave so I can carry on feeling sorry for myself?”
My dad sighs, shaking his head. “Come on, honey.” He holds his hand out for my mom, she reluctantly takes it. He hangs back and tells her to head out and that he’ll catch up. He turns to me.
“Straighten yourself out, Kyle, pull it together, you’re not doing yourself any good acting like this, you’re no good to anyone like this. Now, I’ve never known you give up on anything in your life and you’re about to give up on that wonderful girl? That girl that has had such a profound change on you, I’ve never seen you as happy as you are when you’re with her. Don’t give up on her.” With that, he walk out the door, leaving me alone to wallow in my self-pity.
Chapter 39
Kyle
“Wake up, asshole.” I'm in bed, my face buried in the pillows, I’m being shoved repeatedly in the shoulder. “Wake the fuck up, man.”
Luke.
“What the fuck?” I grumble half asleep, refusing to open my eyes.
“This is ridiculous.”
After my party of one a couple of nights ago, in which I drank myself into oblivion, drowning myself in as much alcohol I could find and bottles and cutlery went flying, my head feels like it’s going to explode, like a weight is pressing down on it.
I haven’t left my bed all day, didn’t bother going into the office. Hell, I can call in sick too, I’m the boss, I can do whatever the fuck I like. Work is the least of my problems right now.
I just lay here wallowing in my own self-pity, slowly begin pulled into the huge empty void inside me, where my heart used to be.
The void that she left when she walked out on me, taking my heart with her.
The void that I created all by myself.
“Get lost, Luke. Not in the mood.”
“Tough shit. Get out of bed, right now.”
The pounding in my head is getting worse, his voice is not helping.
“No.” I roll over onto my side, facing away from my brother.
“Kyle!” he shouts.
“Fuck, could you be any louder?”
“Jesus, Christ,” he huffs, walking away, finally getting the message.
I begin to drift back off into a deep sleep when a torrent of freezing cold-water cascades over me, soaking me, and the bed.
I jump up off the bed and onto my feet. “What the fuck?” I bellow. Luke stands there, empty tumbler in hand. I give him a warning look, he stares me down. “Let me guess, dad sent you to come straighten me out?”
“No, I’m here for me. I’m not leaving you, Kyle. You're my brother and I love you. You need to snap out of this.”
“I’m quite happy doing what I'm doing.”
“What? It’s three in the fucking afternoon and you’re here, still in bed, feeling sorry for yourself when you have absolutely no right to.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you, Kyle. I know exactly what happened between you and Hayley, what you did, dad told me everything, I mean, Christ, no wonder she ran out of here, I don’t blame her.”
Her beautiful face flashes in my mind, I wince as the pain floods in.
Sure, the drink dulled the pain, but it didn’t make it disappear, it only postponed it, at some point it was going to come back and bite me in the ass, and I deserve it.
I deserve every shred of pain for what I did.
For how I hurt her.
I sit back onto the bed, my forearms resting on my thighs. “I love her, Luke.” My voice cracks.
He sits himself down next to me and lets out a sigh. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
“I did it to protect her, the truth was only going to hurt her.”
“And instead, lying to her about it and having to find out about it from dad probably hurt more than it would have coming from you.”
“I know. At the time it felt like the best thing to do.” I breathe in deeply. “Is she alright? Have you heard anything from Gwen?”
“Spoke to Gwen, she didn’t really say
