“Let’s go,” Jason says from beside me as we get on our stomach and keep our head down. My heart pounds in my chest. We trained for this, and we are the best of the best for this. We both looke up at the same time, scanning the area to see where the other members are. We’ve been together for the last three years. My brothers, the ones I walk beside, the ones who carry me on their shoulders.
“On three,” he says. I get ready, and on three, we all spring into action. My gun is ready to fire, and I look over, seeing all of us dressed the same as we make our way to the building. It happens so fast that none of us see it. The first bomb strikes near us, and my ear buzzes right away as we are thrown off our feet. My head hits hard, and all I can hear is more bombs around us.
“Fuck, I’m hit.” I hear from beside me, but I can’t move. I try to keep my eyes open, but they shut as the sound of bullets whizz around me. I must be hit, I think to myself. This is it. I feel myself being carried and think it is the end, and the only thing that flashes through my head is Emily. I hear voices around me, and then I’m thrown on the ground, and I hear four more thuds.
They start talking in Arabic. “Four are dead,” one of them says.
I keep my eyes closed as I hear footsteps walk away. I make the mistake of opening my eyes, and one of them kicks me in my ribs. I’m about to say something when the same foot that kicked my ribs aims for my face.
I wake up yelling with my body trembling. My T-shirt is soaked through with sweat, and it takes me a second to look around and get my bearings. I try to get up, but my knees are still weak, so I fall right back down. I force myself to walk to the bedroom where I take an ice-cold shower. My hands rub the scars that the mission left me with. Scars that made me see so many things and want to come back home. I don’t bother going back to bed; instead, I head to the gym and push my body, and when the sun comes up, the barn door opens and Casey comes in.
“Got your text,” he says to me, and I can see he’s been up a while. “What the fuck were you doing up at three thirty in the morning?”
“Thinking,” I say, dropping the dumbbells I’m holding. I don’t tell him that the nightmare kept me up all night or that I still have flashbacks. I will, just not yet.
“You know that it is never a good thing,” he says, walking in and looking around at all the equipment. “This gym was a good idea. Olivia’s idea.” He smiles. “She has the best ideas sometimes.”
“I’ll thank her the next time I see her,” I say, and then I grab the water bottle. “I want to know everything.” He just eyes me. “I want to know everything you told them.”
“Does it matter?” He puts his hands on his hips.
“Yes,” I say, looking out at the sun now high in the sky. “If I’m going to mend bridges, I need to know what you told them.”
“If you are going to mend bridges, the first thing you have to do is decide if you’re staying or going.” He glares at me. “It’s fine to visit and all that, but—”
“I’m staying,” I say. I don’t tell him that I made the decision the minute I stepped foot back into town.
“For good?” he asks, and I nod, making it official. “What changed your mind? Five months ago, you wouldn’t even entertain the idea of coming home.”
“What matters is that I’m here to claim my life back,” I say, not ready to go into why. “I need to find a house,” I say, and he just shakes his head. “You can’t just give me your house.”
“But you’ll be doing me a favor.” He tries to persuade me.
“I’ll take the help for now, but I want to earn my keep,” I say, and he just smiles. “Why does that smile make me scared?”
“How are your rodeo skills?” he asks, and I just glare at him, putting my hands on my hips. “Perfect, you have a class tomorrow at eight a.m. I’ll send you the details.” He claps his hands and starts to walk out of the barn.
“Casey!” I shout his name. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“And I’m not going to.” His hand is on the door. “You want to know what I told them, find out yourself.” He walks out but then stops. “Hey, Ethan?” He calls my name, walking backward. “Welcome home.” He smirks and walks back to his truck. I watch him leave, and when I go inside, I make the second most important phone call of the day.
* * *
I’m parked in front of the school, and I hear the bell ring. I get out of the truck and lean against it while I wait for Chelsea. I look around as the kids slowly start piling out. I spot her right away as she walks out, surrounded by three girls I recognize. One of them notices me and points me out, making her look over at me. I raise my hand to say hello, but she just glares at me. Pushing off the truck, I make my way over to her.
“Hey,” I say to her and then smile at her friends. They are checking me out, making me feel like a piece of meat.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
“I thought I could give you
