“There’s so much to do again.”
“Don’t worry about that right now. You have help this time. Use us.”
“I will.” Though I know I won’t. Getting my friends to arrange my mum’s funeral feels so wrong. It’s something that I need to do myself.
“And you should tell Wren.”
“I knew this was coming. She’s away with Brody.”
“And she’ll be pissed when you eventually tell her. She won’t care about her break. I would go postal if I were her.”
“I care about her break. She was so excited, and I don’t want to ruin that for her.”
“This is bigger than that.”
“I’ll call her tomorrow.”
She tilts her head. “She’s home tomorrow.”
“I’m scared, Mila,” I admit.
“What of?”
Tell her, talk to her, rip the plaster off. “Having no parents, which is ridiculous since I’ve never really had them.”
“Oh, honey. It’s not ridiculous. They’ve always been there, even if they weren’t always there. Will you be okay at home on your own? You can stay with me or I can come and stay with you. Whatever you want.”
I lick my lips and lay my head against the back of the sofa.
Mila’s eyes widen. “You want Spencer to stay?”
More than anything, I want him with me. “He can’t. He has a new movie to film.”
“No, I don’t,” he says, walking into the room. He places two drinks on the coffee table for us.
I watch steam rise from the coffees for a second, steeling myself for this next conversation. Turning to him, I watch his defiant eyes.
“What do you mean, Spence? What did you do?”
“I told them I can’t do it.”
“What? No! Call them back!”
“No. I was on the phone to Denny last night. They’ve said they can’t wait so I’ve let it go. They’re recasting.”
My heart thuds. “Spencer, no! You can’t do that. Please call them back before they do anything.”
“Indie,” he says, sitting down beside me. “I don’t care about the movie. I’ve just messaged Denny to let him know I’m taking a year off.”
Most normal people would excuse themselves; Mila watches.
“But you can’t. You’ve just started. This will only be your second movie, Spence. I don’t want you to stop that momentum because of me. Please… that is the last thing I want. Please fix this. Please.”
Shit, he’s risking his success because of me.
He doesn’t blink. “There will be other movies.”
I slump back against the sofa and groan. Why would he do this now? More than ever, we need things to be normal. What if he leaves it too long and someone else takes Hollywood by storm? His career could be over before it really started because of me.
“Indie,” he says softly. “I love acting, but I love you more. There is nothing I wouldn’t cancel for you.”
“Aww,” Mila chimes.
I cut her a look, and she presses her lips together.
“What if you don’t get jobs in a year?”
“I will.”
“I don’t want our life to change that much.”
“But it has.” He scoots closer, feeling brave. “We stick together.”
How is that ever going to work?
“We can do that while you’re working on this movie. I’ll be fine here, I promise.”
“A long-distance relationship isn’t right at the minute… not for either of us. You’ve lost both parents in the space of two months. I can still audition and take roles. Not all of them start right away. I can do some work in the UK even. It’s fine, Indie. I want to be here with you.”
My stomach twists in knots. Those really big, tight ones that sailors tie.
“Spencer.”
“No. It’s done. I love you so much. Nothing is more important than being here with you.”
“Can we talk about this later?”
“Of course,” he replies.
I change the subject.
“Mum would want the same songs Dad had at his funeral.”
He nods. “We can arrange that.”
I turn back to Mila, feeling worse than ever.
Everything is getting away from me and I have no idea how to get any level of control back. I’ve missed so much uni.
I swallow down rising bile.
My life was never shiny and perfect, but now it’s crumbling so fast, and I’m too slow to catch any of the pieces.
Fifty
Spencer
Three weeks have passed in a blur of funeral arrangements, holding Indie while she cries, and assuring her over and over that I’ve made the right decision by staying.
I watch as the hearse pulls up outside my house, right on time. Indie has been staying here with me. She’s not been back into her family home since her mum was taken from it. My parents are all too happy to have her. They’ve offered for her to stay indefinitely. I’m scared that she won’t take it because she thinks she’s imposing.
Mila packed her a bag. When Wren got home, after scolding Indie for not calling her sooner, the three of them had a sleepover in my living room. It was exactly what Indie needed, too. The next day, she slept through, spending most of the night with her head on my chest.
Mum and Dad are fussing around, making the house as neat as they can because the wake will be held here. Indie said there was no point, but a few people will be at her mum’s funeral. Me, my parents, her friends, and her mum’s old work colleague.
Indie was surprised that Sheila wanted to come. They’ve not worked together in years. Apparently, though, they were quite close. It’s nice that Jessica has someone who still cares. In the end, we should all have someone to mourn us.
I’m still a bit gutted that I didn’t get the chance to warm to her. I was pissed for what she’d done to Indie, and I’m even more so now.
I’m just grateful that Indie’s close to my parents.
She’s sitting on the sofa, with Wren and Mila on either side. Brody is leaning against the fireplace like he’s unsure what to do. There’s a slight scowl that holds no menace or annoyance. I think he’s lost.
Brody straightens his back as I walk into
