“Make it stop. Make the pain go away. Please make it go away.”
Her breath hitched. “I can’t, child.”
“Kill me.”
Her eyes widened, alive with a memory from another time, a different place, where I had begged the same request.
In the other room, I heard Gabriel stumble and curse.
Thomas shut the refrigerator door loudly and placed a blood bag in front of me. He sat down across from me. “I don’t ever want to hear that come out of your mouth again, Red.”
“This pain—”
“You are in shock and have been through horrendous trauma. You are a new vampire, not even an hour old. It takes years to get used to the stronger emotions. You may feel this way right now, but trust me—you do not truly want to die.”
I actually smiled. The sensation felt cold. It must have been a sight because Inola pulled her hands away, and even Thomas looked uncertain.
“And how would you know?” I asked, my voice filled with deadly calm. “Because you, Thomas, chose this life? Because I might get used to it? Because one day I might want to live happily ever after with my darling sire?”
My tears hit the table, splashing loudly. I stared down at the pools. They were mesmerizing, almost beautiful. My smile went wider, quivering at the edges. “Because since I’m a vampire, I won’t be afraid of the dark?” I said.
Inola slid the blood bag closer to me. “Drink this. It will help you feel better. Although, if you had Gabriel’s, the pain would go away completely for a while.”
My smile faded. “Not a single drop of his blood will ever pass my lips.”
I heard Gabriel inhale sharply from the other room.
“Then drink that blood instead,” Thomas said.
“No.”
They stared at me, disbelief on their faces.
I couldn’t deny I wanted the blood. I could smell it through the bag, its iron tang promising temporary paradise.
But I wouldn’t give in. I wouldn’t be like them, like any of them. I wanted no part of it.
Despite my longing for it, I hated the sight of the blood. I hated its color. I hated the way it smelled, the way it stained, the way animals and humans and vampires needed it to survive. I hated it like I hated the dark, like I hated Elias, like I hated Gabriel.
“You have to drink this, Red. You know that,” Thomas insisted.
“I’m not going to. It disgusts me.”
Inola touched my arm gently. “If you do not drink, the blood frenzy will come. You don’t want to hurt anybody, do you?”
I smirked. The thought of someone running in fear from me filled me with a perverse pleasure. Immediately, I was horrified at myself, and I shook the image away.
“I won’t be like any of you,” I murmured.
Thomas crossed his arms over his chest. “No vampire can go without blood. If you starve yourself, you will end up killing someone. You think you can live with that?”
Tears were still falling from my eyes. “I don’t know, Thomas. Can I? Can I live with myself after everything that has happened to me anyway?”
He shook his head at me. “Don’t be stupid about this.”
I laughed humorlessly. “What will Gabriel do? Force it down my throat?”
“Probably,” Inola sighed.
Thomas stood up, taking the blood bag with him. He tossed it into the refrigerator. “She’s bent on learning the hard way. It will not end well, but if Gabriel is smart, he will not force her anymore. He will lose her if he does.”
“He already has lost me,” I corrected him. I heard no reaction from Gabriel, but I knew he had to have heard.
The room grew still. I could hear the birds outside, the wind touching the leaves. None of it was comforting. It only reminded me that I was changed, forever stained red.
I tried to stop crying, but it was no use. Inola and Thomas stayed with me for hours as I cried, and I could hear Gabriel breathing right inside the doorway.
Knowing he was there made me cry harder; I just couldn’t crush the part of me that still craved his presence.
Finally, I was so emotionally drained I could hardly keep my eyes open. It was more of a mental sleepiness than a physical one, although my body did feel tired. I put my head down on the table and closed my eyes.
Then I felt it. I could choose to sleep. I could choose to dream. I could even choose the conscious mode of sleep.
I tried the conscious sleep out of curiosity. My mind drifted, almost unconscious, but I was still able to gauge my physical surroundings. I heard everything around me. It didn’t feel particularly restful.
And there it was—my ability to go into the coma sleep. It was deep inside my brain, and as I came closer to it, my body was electrocuted with warning. If I did this, I couldn’t wake up on my own.
The last resort. What vampires did when they wanted to sleep dreamlessly forever, buried far beneath the ground.
I plunged into the pain-free darkness without hesitation.
Chapter 9 Joining
The sweetest taste filled my mouth, was smeared across my lips. Like a reflex, I reached my hand toward the container that was pressing the heady elixir to my mouth. I drank greedily, the stuff coating my throat like a balm.
When it was gone, I groaned in frustration. The pain in my throat was merely muted, like sucking on a sore throat lozenge when you had strep throat. The slight relief was almost mocking.
Then I realized what I had just consumed. There was only one substance that could draw such a profound reaction from me.
Blood.
I flung the cup away and opened my eyes.
Gabriel loomed beside me on the bed, his face unreadable. Thomas and Inola lingered at the foot of the bed, their arms crossed.
My fingers felt the black silk sheets while my eyes found the heavy crimson drapes, the unlit candles on the wall, and the cold fireplace.
Gabriel’s room at the coven house.
“No,” I
