***
After Mathew woke, he shifted back, and John put her too-big T-Shirt over his head and knotted it at his thighs to keep him from tripping. They’d had an extravagant meal of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, followed by cut-up apple and banana. All of which, Mathew gobbled down as if he hadn’t been fed in a while, and for all Eva knew, he maybe hadn’t.
Eva then found Mathew some pots and a wooden spoon, which he was currently happily bashing away on, filling the cabin with not-so-pleasant music. John watched him with a longing that Eva had to ignore if she was going to get through handing him over to the mated pair who were coming to collect him in a few minutes.
“Will they have proper clothes for him, John?” she asked as they watched him play.
He shrugged. “I’m sure someone has clothes that will fit him.”
“He’s so small.”
“Josie said he’d just turned two.”
“And he really hasn’t spoken since… not even baby talk?”
She’d heard him laugh, seen him express his emotions through his huge eyes, which seemed to take up his entire face, but not once murmur a word. Eva was trying to ignore the niggling worry eating away at her.
You don’t need to worry about him. He’s not yours to worry about. Chill, Eva.
“So I’m told. He screamed when I tried to take him off my neck and put him in the car to come here, but it was sound, not words. I’m going to get Oliver to check him over tomorrow. Double-check he’s okay.”
“I’m not an expert, but he looks physically fine to me, maybe a bit underweight. It’s his mental health I’m concerned about.”
John glanced at her and smiled. “He just needs love, Eva.”
Love. The magic emotion with the ability to lift you to greatest heights and cause you unimaginable sorrow.
John’s head snapped up, and a moment later, Eva heard a knock at the door. Mathew jumped to his feet and hurtled over to them faster than Eva could have imagined. He clung to John’s leg.
“It’s all right, buddy.” John ruffled his freshly washed hair. It was a rich chocolate brown, which curled up into tiny ringlets at the ends. “Just some of my friends who’ve come to visit.”
“I’ll get the door,” Eva offered when Mathew didn’t appear to be letting John go anytime soon. “Hey,” she said, finding Bass and a couple she’d seen a few times in passing outside. “Matty’s in here.” Stepping back, Eva let them in, then closed the door.
Mathew hadn’t unattached himself from John’s leg, and the couple hovered nervously a few paces in. Bass walked further into the room and held up a bag.
“Josie said these were his things.”
One bag. Eva took a few steps back and positioned herself behind the kitchen counter, as if the wooden cabinets would somehow provide a shield from the pain that was about to come. She could feel it. They could all feel it. Mathew was traumatized by his parents’ deaths, and he’d attached himself to John, quite literally. Tearing him away wasn’t going to happen without tears.
He’ll be okay. He’ll still see John. Eva couldn’t shake the feeling this was happening all because of her. Because she wasn’t ready for all John could give her. For his love. For a ready-made family and the highs and lows of everything that came with that.
“Drinks?” Eva asked into the silence.
“Oh yes, tea, please,” the woman replied.
“Coffee, black for me,” the man added.
“I’m all good, thanks, Eva,” Bass said. “Sorry, I’ve just realized you’ve probably never met Melody and Joe before.”
“Hi.” She did a half-wave, then wanted to kick herself for it. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Melody answered. “Is that your top he’s wearing?”
Eva smiled. “Yeah, John bathed him before thinking about clothes.”
“And a diaper?” Melody laughed.
“Oh. Erm.” Eva glanced at John. She felt suddenly small and far too young to be in the room full of adults, which was stupid considering the alpha of Dark Shadow was a year younger than her.
“We didn’t have one of those either.” John smirked. “No puddles on the floor so far.”
Turning away, Eva picked up the kettle and filled it with water before lighting the stove. Being in the room with them all reminded her how out of place she was in John’s world. Constantly fumbling for the right thing to say and get a grasp of a situation. It was all too much. All adding to the massive pile she was avoiding in the back of her mind. John was happy to treat her as if they were any other couple, just the same as Bass and Katalina or any other mated pair she’d met, but those women had an understanding in their gazes, one Eva couldn’t even begin to grasp. An understanding she secretly longed for. To love someone so much you were connected on a level beyond human concept. It was the stuff of fairy tales, and most days, Eva felt like she’d stumbled into one, albeit a darker, more dangerous fairy tale than those she’d read as a kid.
“I’m sure we can find some until the store opens in the morning,” Melody said. Crouching down, she smiled at Mathew across from her. “Are you going to come out and say hello, Mathew?”
“He doesn’t speak,” Eva found herself saying.
“Oh.” Melody caught her gaze, then went back to Mathew. “Well, come show me your cute face, huh?”
What am I doing?
John was staring at her strangely. Eva avoided his gaze and turned her back on the room, spending far longer than needed staring into the cupboard for tea and coffee.
I’m jealous. Why am I jealous?
It was like someone had hijacked her body. She kept picturing Mathew
