He grabbed my arm, his fingers tight around my wrist. “Why don’t you calm down first? Then we can talk about it.”
I tried to twist out of his grasp, but he held firm.
“Julian, let go.” My heart pounded in my ears.
Danger, danger, danger.
“Would you just listen to me for a second?” His voice was raised, full of frustration. “You’re getting hysterical without even listening to me.”
“Let go of me!” I’d meant to yell, but it came out hoarse and pathetic. A choked sob escaped my lips as I finally wrenched my arm free. His fingernails scratched my skin. I barely felt it.
I took a few hurried, clumsy steps until I was around the corner and back onto the safety of the street. Julian immediately blocked my path. He reached for me again. He put a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“Move,” I said shakily, trying to sidestep him. “Don’t touch me.”
“Clara, would you stop being ridicu—”
An arm shot between us, muscling Julian out of the way. Madison. She fixed Julian with a hard stare.
“She said, don’t touch her,” she said slowly.
Julian took a step back, rolling his eyes. He actually looked amused.
He lifted his hands in surrender. “Can we stop it with the dramatics?”
Madison made a noise between a laugh and a scream, like she’d heard this before.
“Just go, Julian.”
“Fine.” He peered past her, his expression soft when it landed on me. “Call me when you calm down OK? I’m not mad.”
“Wonderful. Thanks for letting us know. We were all so concerned,” Madison said. Her arm was still stretched out in front of me.
Julian shot Madison a withering look and then strode quickly away. I watched him go.
Madison finally dropped her arm and turned to face me. My heart was beating too fast, tears clouding my vision.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “What was that about?”
I drew in a ragged breath. I needed to tell her about Julian calling the cops on Grayson, and that he apparently had information about MDG, but the words wouldn’t come out. My whole relationship with Julian had been upended in a matter of minutes, and I couldn’t make my brain or my mouth work.
My gaze snagged on my arm, on three shallow scratches where Julian’s fingernails had left a mark. I pressed my own fingertips to the edge of each one. A hysterical laugh escaped my lips.
“Do you want to go inside? Find a bathroom? I like to have my panic attacks in bathrooms,” Madison said.
That struck me as wildly funny. I laughed until tears streaked down my cheeks. If Madison was alarmed by this, she didn’t show it. She just watched me, head cocked to one side.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “I’m just . . .” I took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. It didn’t work. I made a strangled noise that was kind of like a scream.
“Are we yelling now? Oh, I can get behind that.” She balled both her hands into fists and let out a truly impressive scream.
I laughed, wiping a hand across my wet eyes. I screamed.
A passing man jumped, startled, and gave us a disapproving look.
“Fuck you, keep walking,” Madison said, pointing at him. “We’re having a bad day.”
He grumbled something and hurried down the sidewalk.
I wiped my cheeks again as I leaned back against the wall. I was crying harder than I’d realized. My brain couldn’t fully process what had just happened, so apparently all my emotions were going to leak out my eyes instead.
“Thank you,” I said with a sniff. I opened my mouth to apologize, to say I was stupid for not listening to her about Julian, but my gaze caught on someone behind her. She turned.
Edan had just emerged from the hostel, a tissue pressed to his nose. His worried expression deepened when he caught sight of us.
“I should tell you guys something about Julian,” I said.
38
The staff at the hostel called the police to get the lingering recruits out of the lobby. The remaining team leaders stood in the street and argued about where to go until Madison announced that she’d convinced the owner of the gym to let us stay there for the night. A few of the team leaders looked a little taken aback that she’d solved the problem so easily. I didn’t think people expected much of Madison.
We followed her down the street and into the gym. Everyone immediately broke into groups, staking out sections for themselves. Team seven huddled in the corner of the main room, and I relayed what had happened with Julian.
Well, I relayed the part about how he’d called the cops on Grayson. And about how his parents were working with MDG, and it seemed that Julian was now too.
I had to sit on my hands because they were shaking. I understood that the important thing here was that Julian was working with MDG, and that he’d let his team march straight into a dangerous trap yesterday.
But my brain was stupidly screaming about everything but Julian’s MDG ties. I was thinking about eating macarons with him outside the training complex in Paris. About kissing him in the train station after he told me that he wouldn’t leave me.
About how I’d ignored his temper, and his jealousy, because I liked how I felt when I was with him.
“Why would he do that?” Patrick asked. I focused on him and tried to look like I wasn’t screaming on the inside. “Was he with MDG this whole time, or did he recently switch over? Does it have something to do with his parents coming into town?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“His parents just got here a couple days ago,” Madison said. “It doesn’t seem likely that Julian changed his mind since then. He must have known something all along.”
She was right. My throat closed, and I just shrugged.
“He didn’t explain exactly why he’s helping them?” Priya asked.
“N-no, we didn’t get a chance to . . .” I took a deep breath. “We
