“Are you guys seeing Twitter today?” Noah asked, swiping at his phone. “Some of the recruits have spilled the beans about MDG’s trained scrabs.”
“What’s the reaction?” Madison asked.
“Mixed. Some people are freaking out. Most don’t seem to believe it, though.”
Patrick turned back to me. “Julian said that Grayson didn’t understand the scope of what MDG is doing. What does that mean?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why wouldn’t you ask?” Gage demanded. “That would have been helpful information.”
“Gage,” Edan said sharply. Several members of the team regarded Edan with surprise. “Lay off.”
“I’m just saying,” Gage said, but his tone softened a little. “And why did Julian punch you?”
Edan’s eyes darted to mine. “He’s always hated me.”
“He was jealous,” I said quietly. “He thought Edan and I had something going on.”
“Do you?” Zoe asked.
“No,” Edan said at the same time Madison snapped, “Irrelevant.”
Madison’s phone rang. “I’ll be back. I think this is about Grayson.” She stood and walked across the gym, weaving through recruits sprawled out on the floor.
The lump in my throat grew bigger. Gage was right. I should have asked Julian more questions. I should have put the teams first. Instead I’d gotten hysterical and focused on our relationship. If I’d kept calm for a few minutes, I could have gotten information out of him. Helpful information.
Tears threatened to spill over again, and I quickly got to my feet. The back door was propped open, so I escaped through it and down the narrow alleyway. It was empty, save for two guys smoking near the street.
I crouched down, running both hands into my hair. I had taken stupid to new levels. I’d looked stupid in the face, laughed, and run right past it.
I’d had an easy way to pump Julian for information, and I’d blown it.
Madison had warned me about Julian, and I hadn’t listened.
My entire life I’d said I’d never be like Mom, and here I was. Just like her. I’d made excuses for Julian, just like Mom. I’d said that I knew the real Julian, just like Mom had always claimed with Dad. The anger, the temper, that wasn’t the real Julian.
Footsteps drew close to me and stopped. I glanced up. Edan stared down at me, his expression tight and unreadable.
I sat on the concrete, even though it was dirty and gross. I was too exhausted to care. Edan lowered down beside me.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “That he hit you.”
“That is in no way your fault.”
“He was reading my text messages. That’s why he was so mad today. Because he saw what we said last night.”
“That is deeply screwed up.”
“Yes.” And yet I felt like I should have expected it. “Thank you. For what you said last night. I did need to hear it.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier. I meant to. I wanted to. When we were at the farm, I kept thinking I should say, Hey, Julian is a real ass, and his temper scares me.”
“I’d seen his temper,” I said. “I’m responsible for my own choices.”
“That’s . . . yeah, that’s a really good point,” he said with a soft laugh. I managed a small smile. “But, still, I’m sorry. I wanted to be honest with you, but we’d just become friends, and I didn’t want to screw it up.”
“It probably wouldn’t have changed anything,” I said. “I was determined to be as stupid as possible. Still am, apparently. Gage is right. I should have asked Julian more questions. I was so mad about him selling you guys out, and then he grabbed me, and I panicked.”
Edan turned to me quickly. “He grabbed you?”
“It wasn’t a big deal, I just didn’t handle it well because . . . well, you know.”
His pointed to the scratches on my arm. “Did he do that? I think it’s a big deal.”
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out. I had a text from Julian.
Will you please come to my hotel so we can talk? Or I’ll meet you somewhere. Please, Clara. Let me explain.
A second message popped up.
I didn’t mean to scare you today. I’m so sorry.
“Julian’s apologizing,” I said softly. “He says he wants to explain.”
“Explain what? That he’s an asshole? We got it, thanks.”
I’m so sorry. I stared at the words. He always apologized after yelling. He would apologize and make an excuse—sorry, I’m stressed; sorry, I’m on edge; sorry, I’m just trying to keep you safe. You weren’t actually sorry if you kept doing the exact thing you claimed to feel bad about. I knew that better than anyone.
And yet part of me wanted to believe it. I almost wanted to march over there and hear him out and find that version of Julian I’d met on the floor of a hotel ballroom in Atlanta. At least then I’d find out why he suddenly decided to betray his best friend and join MDG.
“Wait.” I sat up straight as a thought occurred to me. “I should let him explain.”
“What?” Edan looked alarmed. “Clara, no, that guy is—”
“No, no, not like actually—” I cut myself off as I jumped to my feet. “Come on.”
I rushed back inside. Team seven was still in the same spot, Madison plopping down next to Priya. I hurried to them, Edan on my heels.
“I have an idea,” I said. “Julian just texted me asking me to come over. Let me go and try to get some answers about MDG.”
“Just to get answers about MDG?” Madison asked, her brow creased with worry. It was an expression shared by several other members of the team.
“Yes, just to get answers,” I said, exasperated. “I’m not an idiot. I mean, I am an idiot, I’m a total moron, but—”
“You are not a moron,” Edan said.
“Whatever. My point is, I’m not going over there to reconcile with Julian. I’ll just let him think that, and maybe I can find out some stuff.”
“Like what stuff?” Priya asked. “Do we need answers that badly?”
“They’re capturing and training scrabs for a completely unknown purpose,” Noah said,
