“Hello,” I gave a communal greeting to the couples at the table.
“This is Jillian,” DeAndre introduced before I could get any other words out. “Jillian, this is Mary and Chris.” He pointed to the dark-haired woman and the gray-haired man. “And this is Jean and Bob,” he advised, directing his attention to the short-haired woman with glasses and her husband.
“So nice to meet all of you.” DeAndre finally allowed me to speak.
“And if you have any trouble remembering the names of my wife and I, just remember Merry Christmas,” the man named Chris said with a chuckle.
“That’s a really good way to remember.” I smiled, already knowing there was something about these two couples I really liked. “Let me guess…are you from Chicago?” His accent was a dead giveaway.
“Close. Wisconsin,” his wife, Mary, replied. “And you?”
“New York.”
“Oh, so you and DeAndre are both from New York,” the woman who was introduced as Jean chimed in as she took a sip of her wine. She was an older woman who exuded confidence.
“Yes.” I placed my hand on DeAndre’s shoulder and continued. “But DeAndre here is from the city…I am not.” I looked at him and grinned.
“Got ya!” Jean nodded as if she too knew the secret code of native New Yorkers like DeAndre.
I looked at the empty seat beside me, imagining that Evan was sitting there, wondering if he’d be drinking red or white wine. He’d always switch it up, never being partial to one over the other. He would no doubt be adding to the conversation, taking away from the awkwardness I always felt when engaging with strangers. I could see his smile and hear his deep laughter over something someone would say. He’d place his hand on my thigh underneath the table, offering me reassurance to gather up the courage to add to the discussion. Why couldn’t I see when he was here that we were okay as just a couple? We were once so happy with us being just two. Sure, I wanted a child more than anything, but why couldn’t I just accept that it wasn’t in the cards for us and have been content with the life I had been given with him? I came to that realization a little too late. Maybe it wasn’t Evan I had grown tired with but instead maybe it was with myself.
“Theo!” DeAndre bellowed, breaking me from my daydream as I stared up at Theo with a glass of red wine in his hand. He was dressed in a black button-up shirt and khaki pants. His unruly curls looking a little tamer than they had when I last saw him earlier that morning.
“Is this seat taken?” he asked, locking eyes with me.
It took me a moment to reply because it was taken, but only in my heart. “Nope,” I finally answered. “Where’s Kate?” I asked once he sat down.
He paused anxiously, averting his gaze to the door. “She…umm, should be coming down. She wasn’t feeling too well.”
“Oh, no. I hope she’s not coming down with something. That would be an awful way to start a vacation.”
“I suppose it would.” His voice cracked. “But…” He shook his head. “I don’t think she is.” There was a sadness to his voice and his eyes. The same sadness I saw earlier when Kate had stepped out of the ladies’ room seeming out of sorts.
Theo introduced himself to our table mates and immediately struck up a conversation with them, the same way I had imagined Evan would’ve done. He seemed to have that same charisma Evan had possessed, the kind that captivated his audience and made everyone immediately feel comfortable in his company.
Dinner was a lot better than expected. As I thought from my first impression, the two older couples were a lot of fun. The two women were sisters, and this was the tenth trip they were traveling on together. I admired their sense of adventure, traveling to places I would’ve never dreamed of going, just for my fear of the unknown and my lack of adventure. But it was something Mary’s husband said that really got me thinking. “You only live once, you may as well see all you can while you can and not be afraid to take a chance on something new.”
He was right. My whole life I had lived by a rulebook. Go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have a child, live happily ever after. I had checked off all on my list except for two. I knew one of them would never be checked and I needed to accept that, but was it still possible for me to get a happily ever after, without Evan? Maybe my happily ever after didn’t need to include a husband and a child, maybe I could fall in love with traveling or a hobby. Maybe happily ever afters came in different forms than my preconceived notions. I liked to hold on to that. It gave me hope that maybe there was still a chance for me.
Kate hadn’t ventured down until we were well past dinner and on to dessert. She grabbed a cup of tea from the dessert table and sat in the empty seat next to her brother. Theo once again was caring and compassionate to his sister’s needs, asking her if she’d like something to eat. She shook her head and took a sip of her tea. DeAndre played table host, introducing her to everyone. I was certain that if something happened to the tour guide on this trip, DeAndre would be able to run the show with no problem with his vivacious personality.
Surprisingly, by the time dinner was over, I had gotten a second wind. My exhaustion from earlier had faded, and as I stood by the elevator waiting for the doors to open, I
