At first, my days consisted of thoughts of him, school work and more thoughts of him as I attempted to sleep each night. My dreams were of him waiting for me, pleading for me to forgive him, to understand, begging me to give him another chance. The magic may have healed my pain but a small sliver of hope still lived inside me and my mind would not let go of happiness I found in his arms.
As the days pass thoughts of him take up less of my time and my school work becomes my focus.
Wren attempted to stay in contact with me via phone calls and texts, he even stopped by the house one day when he was on break. Some part of me still wanted his friendship but another part of me wanted nothing to do with him. I told him the day he stopped by I needed to keep my focus on my degree and my parents. I promised I would stay in touch with him but it was a lie. I never spoke to him again.
Ronnie and I talked frequently. She never brought up Kohl and I never asked, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t curious about what he was doing.
I got my answer one day when I was giving my brain a break and searching for something mind numbing to watch on television. While channel surfing, something made me stop on ESPN. The featured story was Kohl. Seeing him front and center on my television screen as a starting player for the Indiana Pacers cured my curiosity about him.
The small part of me that hoped my dreams were real and he was still at school waiting for my return faded that day. I knew he had moved on and it was the time I did the same.
One positive thing to come out of the whole ordeal is all the days I was unable to eat anything led to me losing another thirty pounds. I continued to work out at moms as a way to clear my mind.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Coffee is the nectar to cure stress if coffee doesn’t work try wine.
—Tensanne to Ronnie
Tensanne
Present Day
GAPING UP AT the sprawling mansion that holds so many memories from years ago, I take a deep breath.
“Well, don’t just stand there, Girl. Get your ass over here and give me a hug,” Ronnie calls in her thick southern drawl. I smile that it hasn’t lessened over the years, moving to where she is standing in the open door.
“Yes, Ma’am. Mrs. Mayor,” I reply wrapping her in my arms.
After a long embrace, we walk into the same living room where Kohl and I danced, the memories flood my brain and bring tears to my eyes. I put all these memories in a box for a reason and being back here is slowly letting them leak free. My time in this town may have been short lived but it impacted the rest of my life.
“Sit, sit,” she insists.
Taking a seat on the sofa, I let out a long exhale.
“Does it feel strange to be back?”
“A little, I guess. I never thought I would come back here and I’m not sure it’s where I want to be; but, in a few months, I’ll be back home.”
“This is your home for now and I’m going to enjoy every minute of having you here,” she smiles. “Come, I’ll show you to your room so you can freshen up. Then we will go grab some dinner.”
Following her up the winding staircase, we pass the room where Kohl and I came together for the first time. Stopping I put my hand against the door seeing images of Kohl’s body in my mind. His smell, the feel of his skin, his taste invades me in an explosion of memories.
Melancholy washes over my body. Though I fight to keep the emotion hidden, the sadness must show on my face.
“Have you followed his career?” she whispers.
Shaking off the glum feeling filling my heart, my lips tip up into something I hope resembles a smile. “No. Honestly, I have no idea what has become of him. I know he went to play for the Pacers but that’s all.”
“He suffered an injury a few years ago. A knee injury ended his basketball career. I lost track of him after that until he came back here to coach,” she replies, her mouth set in a grim line.
Looping my arm with hers, “That’s the past, Ron. Now, where’s my room?” I cheer, fighting the depressed feelings I have inside. I have perfected the art of faking it over the years. I can feign happiness better than anyone on the planet and that’s what I’m doing now.
Once I’m in my room, alone, I wash my face in the restroom. Catching my reflection in the mirror, a strong, independent woman is staring back at me. I’m a successful psychologist, a published author and the mother of four wonderful children. My body is exactly as it should be, curvy, voluptuous and all mine. Glaring hard into my own eyes, I can still see the naïve, insecure girl hiding in the depths. The one who wanted love needed acceptance and risked it all on a belief. Coming back here brought her back to the surface. With a deep breath, I shove her right back down where she belongs; buried and safe from the harshness of the world.
Pulling the pieces of myself back together and putting my happiness mask back in place I leave my room to have dinner with my friend.
A sliver of happiness fills my hardened heart on the walk to her car, her driver opening our doors. I always kept a soft spot inside for Ronnie. She’s one of the two people in the world, other than my kids, that I let past my hardened shell. My
