It was still early, and I sat at my desk, trying to plan my outfit. Mel was on her bed, on her laptop. Her blonde pixie cut had grown a little longer; she was trying to grow it out. She’d gotten it cut a while back, way too short she said, and she missed her longer hair.
Mel’s kind voice broke through the silence, “I’m surprised you haven’t gone home again.”
Ah. My wonderful parents. Also refused to do our weekly calls. I was not feeling it, not feeling them. Right now I wanted to live my life, not focus on the fact that my family was falling apart. Was that so wrong?
I shrugged. “What about you? Why haven’t you gone home at all? Don’t you miss your parents?” I turned away from my desk, looking at her. If Mel left for the weekend, I could have Levi over here. We could actually lay in a bed together. How amazing would that be?
Mel’s lips were caught in a frown, and she looked pensive. “I live a little further away. And besides, my parents are…overbearing. I’m actually shocked they haven’t shown up here for a surprise visit, just to check on me.”
“Why would they come to check on you?” That seemed…a little too much. Mel was nineteen, an adult in America. She could handle herself. Checking in on her randomly just felt so intrusive. I honestly couldn’t imagine having parents who’d do something like that—if my parents ever tried anything like it, I’d give them hell.
But then again, I’d been playing an adult for years.
Mel was quiet for a bit. She shut her laptop, setting it aside as she swung her legs off the side of her bed. Today she wore her usual outfit—leggings and a loose shirt. “Remember when I told you that even though I’m technically a sophomore, I don’t have that many more credit hours than you?”
She’d mentioned it back when we first met, yeah, and I’d let it go, not asking why. I nodded once.
“Well, I had classes last semester, but I had to pull out of them. I was…” Mel’s voice quieted. “Something happened, and I…I did something I’m not proud of.”
That could literally mean dozens of things. I did a lot of things I wasn’t proud of, but did that stop me from doing them? Hell no. Life was about making mistakes and playing games, and I’d be damned if I let common sense tell me what to do. Now that I was with Levi, I was a little more reserved, but deep down I was still the same wild child I always was.
“What happened?” I asked quietly, not knowing if I should push her to tell me the whole story or not.
“I tried to kill myself,” Mel said, breaking the news to me bluntly. “I was so depressed that I honestly didn’t want to live anymore. I never thought my life would get better. My parents put me in rehab for a while, where I could be watched, hence the whole dropping out of my classes and not being able to get those credit hours thing. I’m retaking most of the same classes this semester.”
The news shocked me to my core. Mel had tried to commit suicide? I couldn’t see it, could hardly believe it, and I sure as hell couldn’t imagine the girl five feet away trying to kill herself.
Fuck. Should I be keeping an eye on this girl more than I had been? Did that duty automatically fall to me?
“You were right to keep me away from Dean,” Mel went on. “I know in the end it was my decision to do it, that no one forced me to, but…he was the one that started it. I felt like trash after I found out he’d cheated on me, and then, when I finally put myself out there again, I…” Her shoulders shrugged. “It was too much. I couldn’t handle another broken heart. I’m just not meant for a relationship, I think.”
I wanted to rush to her, hug her, tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t. I remained in my chair as I said, “Don’t say that. You just need to find your right person—but your right person definitely isn’t that dickbag.” That, I knew without a doubt.
“Eh, it’s fine. I need to focus on my classes anyway. No more repeating semesters for me,” Mel said, giving me a smile.
Now, after all this time, I finally knew why there was such a sadness behind her smiles, why she always felt closed-off, no matter how much she shared with me. Mel had been suicidal; God, I hated knowing it. Myself, I could never imagine getting so low that I would want to end my own life. Once it was over, it was over. There was no turning back, no reset button. Once you were dead, you were dead.
Maybe it wouldn’t seem so final if I believed in an afterlife, but I didn’t. I was one of those people who believed that when you died, you were just gone. There was no place your soul spirited off to, no place for your consciousness to rest forever. When you were dead, you were dead, and because I believed that, I knew that this life was my one shot at it. Granted, it wasn’t a great life; people who were born with money had it easier, but I would do everything I could with it.
“Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m—”
“If you say you’re always here for me, I’m going to be the one dick-punching you,” Mel spoke with a chuckle. “It’s okay, Kelsey. I didn’t tell you all that to make you feel bad for me. I told you…I told you because you’re my friend.”
Friend? We were friends? That was…not exactly
