Maybe I could have another friend. Maybe Ash and I wouldn’t stay friends forever, as much as I hated to admit that to myself. How often did people remain friends with their high school friends? People drifted apart, just like my parents.
Me and Ash…I didn’t want us to drift apart, though.
“I want to hug you right now, but you know I’m not really a hugger,” I told her, smiling.
“Please don’t hug me,” Mel said. “That would make this weird.”
I laughed.
“So where are you going tonight, getting all dressed up?” Mel asked, tilting her head. “Don’t tell me the library. You going to some party? If you are, just stay away from Sigma Chi—” Sigma Chi was Dean’s and Levi’s fraternity, so I knew enough to nod to agree with her. “And don’t drink too much.”
Ah, yes. She was my friend and my roommate, but she was also like a parent to me. Loved it.
“For your information,” I told her, “I don’t plan on drinking at all tonight.”
“That’s a first.”
“Hey!”
All Mel did was laugh, and I let it slide. I guessed I did give off that party girl vibe. What could I say? I’d always been down for drinks and dick, for years now. I’d dragged Ash to college parties and bars before; I’d had a fake ID for years. I couldn’t imagine being like Mel, never going out.
Once I decided on my outfit, I grabbed the clothes and headed to the bathroom to change and do my business. With my old clothes slung over my arm, I was walking down the long hall, intent on returning to my room, when I passed an open door. The girls who lived there were nice enough; I’d run into them in the hall a few times. Couldn’t remember their names, though.
“Wait,” one of them called out to me, stumbling to get off their futon. Their beds were lofted, and they had a futon under one bed and their TV under the other. A smart setup. Why wasn’t our room like that? It gave the appearance of more space in the room.
I paused in front of their door, waiting for the girl to come to me. She held onto her phone sideways, like she’d been watching a video.
Her eyes were wide. “Have you seen this?” she asked, offering me her phone. “It’s been going around, I guess. I just saw it today because it was shared to Sarah.” Sarah must’ve been her roommate, because the girl deeper in the room made a comment that she reported the video.
“What…” I stopped when I glanced down at the phone screen. The girl whose phone it was hit the small play button on the center of the screen, and I saw a room that was familiar, a room through a camera lens. Night-vision, because the room was too dark otherwise.
I knew, because I’d been in that room. I’d fucked Levi in that room.
And the people on the screen, the girl on her knees giving a blowjob to a guy with a thick, solid back…was me.
And the guy? Levi.
My stomach dropped, my heartbeat pumping louder in my chest. I…I didn’t know what to say. The camera must’ve been hidden on his desk, because I hadn’t seen it. I didn’t know he was recording the entire thing like some kind of amateur porno.
“No,” I eventually said, “I haven’t seen this.”
“I figured,” the girl said. “I heard rumors that shit goes on at Sigma Chi parties, so…if that’s where you’re going tonight, maybe don’t go?”
“Thanks for the heads-up,” I said, turning to walk back to the room, my emotions all over the place. That’s what Sigma Chi parties were known for? Being videotaped while having sex? What in the hell kind of fucked-up was that?
The girl said something about us sticking together, some kind of feminist motto, but I was too blinded by my emotions. I returned to the room, practically slamming the door behind me as Mel glanced to me.
“What’s wrong?” she said.
My face must’ve given it away, but I couldn’t tell her the truth; I couldn’t tell her that I’d fucked Levi, sucked his goddamn dick like some greedy bitch who couldn’t get enough cum. “Are you friends with anyone around here on social media?”
“No,” Mel said. “I deleted my profiles after what happened last year. Why?”
“Oh…some of the girls wanted me to add them, but I—” This was a shitty excuse, and I wondered if she’d even buy it. “—I don’t know if I should.”
Mel shrugged. “It’s up to you. They can’t force you to accept them, and you can always block them if you want.” The words she spoke were the truth, but me? I was a lair. I was the biggest liar ever, and I felt like absolute shit about it.
“True,” I said, setting my old clothes on my bed. I said nothing else.
Honestly? There was nothing else to say.
I might’ve lied to Mel, but I wasn’t the only liar here. Levi was the worst liar of them all. He’d actually made me believe that maybe I could be happy with someone, that maybe everything in my life wasn’t falling apart. His personality complemented mine so well that I…I actually had started to imagine a future with him. Months down the road. Holidays, birthdays, the works.
How fucking stupid was I? How stupid was I to believe a single word Levi had said? All along, I’d
