Travis held Sawyer in place as I moved towards him, reaching for his dark head. His hair was greasy to the extreme, and my palm practically slid off, but when it did, the faintest bits of pink became visible, the black rubbed off on my hand. Some kind of hair paint or something.
“Oh, my…fuck.” There was literally no other word to say, so I repeated the word fuck about a dozen times, turning my back to both of them as I went down the stairs to look for my best friend.
My best friend.
How could I even call her that after what I did?
I mean, it wasn’t like I did what I did on purpose, like I set out to sleep with one of her guys. Hell, they weren’t even together. She wasn’t dating any of them, unless she’d kept that from me, like I kept most of my drama to myself.
No. There was no rationalizing it. Ash had a thing for Sawyer. I should’ve seen it on her face. I should’ve recognized the look of absolute shock and horror when she opened that door and saw us together, but I didn’t, because I was too wrapped up in my own self, too focused on trying to prove myself wrong.
I called out her name, searched the entire downstairs. I looked in the back near the fire, unable to find her. I even went out in the front yard, called out her name to the empty sky, and got not a single word in response.
Ash was gone. She left. She left because of me.
A shaking hand lifted to my mouth, and I felt my emotions spiraling out of control. Tears formed in my eyes, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to have other thoughts besides this can’t be happening and no, no, no. But I didn’t, because my life wasn’t simple, and it sure as shit wasn’t easy.
I’d fucked up, and now my best friend probably hated me. I’d fucked up, and now there was no hope of redemption. There was no coming back from this. You didn’t sleep with your best friend’s crush and come out unscathed.
No.
You know the saddest thing about all of this? If I would’ve taken a step back, if I would’ve listened to my gut all along, none of this would be happening. Ash would still be here, I wouldn’t have violated our friendship, and maybe she’d even be convincing me to hear Levi out.
Hate. Ash had to hate me after that. Levi would too, if he knew. But that was fine, because I already hated myself for it.
I hated myself so much. You knew what they said, right?
You’ve never really felt true self-hatred until you’ve slept with your best friend’s crush while in love with someone else.
Making Mistakes
The Sequel to Playing Games
Candace Wondrak
© 2019 Candace Wondrak
All Rights Reserved.
Book cover by Victoria Schaefer at Eve’s Garden of Eden – A Cover Group
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Books by Candace Wondrak are only available at Amazon. If you are reading elsewhere, please note it is an illegal, pirated copy, uploaded without my permission. I, the author, nor the distributor received payment for the copy, and if prosecuted violation comes with a fine of up to $250,000. Please do not pirate books.
Chapter One – Kelsey
Crying was so…gross. Your nose got stuffed up, your eyes got all puffy and watery, and when you breathed you sounded like you were hyperventilating. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I felt like such utter shit—worth less than the actual dog crap you frantically try to scrape off the bottom of your shoe after you accidentally step in it.
I fucked my best friend’s crush while in love with another guy.
I was a terrible person, it was simple. A terrible, horrible person who didn’t deserve to have friends at this point. No friends, no love, no happiness. I should be miserable forever and always for this.
God, I’d known that dick was wrong when it was in me, but now…now I knew just how wrong. I knew, and I hated myself more than ever for it.
I’d been thrown out, basically. Which was fine, I understood why none of the other guys wanted to look at me. After all, how could I be Ash’s best friend while fucking one of the guys she liked? Declan brought me to the dorm, let me get my stuff, and then I was out of there, trying to hold it together. Trying to keep it together. Trying with a desperate, frantic heart to not break down as I made the long drive back home.
It’s where I was now. Home. My car was off, the lights off too. It was dark, but I’d driven through most of the night, so dawn would arrive soon, gracing the world with its light and extra warmth.
I could really use some warmth right about now, because I just felt so utterly cold after what I did.
I stared at the dashboard of my rust bucket, the one reliable thing in my life, my beaten-up, shitty car. Go fucking figure. My family and friends I couldn’t count on, nor could I be there for them because all I ever did was fuck up. I couldn’t count on Levi, because he was an ass, like the rest of them.
Damn it. Why’d I have to go and complicate things by falling in love? I didn’t want love. The last thing I wanted was to fall head over heels for someone, so hard and so fast
