It was midday on Sunday when I finally had the guts to make it all the way to her dorm, to walk through those front sliding doors and head straight to the elevator. I got on, punched the third-floor button, and let the doors close. She might not be home still, but she could be. There was a chance.
Of course, I was aware that I could wait until Tuesday to see her, when we had our bio lab together, but I couldn’t imagine myself waiting that long. I couldn’t picture letting these strange, conflicted feelings drag out so long. I needed to make things right when it came to Kelsey. I needed her to know that everything I said to her, everything we did, wasn’t fake. None of it was a lie.
And that…that’s probably why I felt so hollow inside. I’d given a piece of myself to that girl unknowingly, and she’d taken it, stomped on it, all out rejected it once everything came to light—which was much deserved. After that, though, she hadn’t returned the piece. She still had it, tucked away, and I needed her to know that I wasn’t going to give up.
Levi Harlen did not ever give up.
As the elevator doors opened and I walked off, I made a mental promise to myself that if she wasn’t back now, I’d try again tonight. And if she wasn’t back when I swung around tonight, then I’d camp out in front of her fucking door all day tomorrow until I saw her. She couldn’t avoid me forever.
First, I knew, she’d have to come back to campus, so one step at a time.
My legs drew me down the hall, stopping me in front of her door. My right hand curled into a fist, and I lifted it, about to knock. Hesitation coursed through me, and deep down I knew why. The most hidden, secret parts of me hesitated because I was afraid.
Afraid of rejection. Afraid that, no matter what I did or what I said, Kelsey would never take me back. Absolutely terrified that she would look at me with such hatred and contempt that I didn’t know how I’d live with myself after.
Stupid. I didn’t get afraid, especially when it came to a girl.
But that’s the thing—Kelsey wasn’t just some girl. She was it, the only one I wanted, the only one I needed. She marked the end of the old Levi and brought about a new me. A me that wanted to try to be better. A me that actually cared more than my overconfident swagger would suggest.
I heaved a giant breath, filling my lungs the exact moment I knocked.
The door opened, but it wasn’t Kelsey standing on the other side. I’d known all weekend that this could happen, that I’d stand face-to-face with Mel again, but still I hoped to avoid it. Looking at her face, seeing her frown, made me remember the things I did to her, every lie I’d told her.
Really, what I did with Mel was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life. I wasn’t proud of it, didn’t party it up with Sigma Chi the weeks after I broke her. How could I when I’d heard she had to drop out of her classes and go to rehab to be watched and, well, rehabilitated? At the time, Dean had acted like he didn’t even care, but I knew he did. He just drowned his feelings with booze and other girls. Me? I wasn’t like that. I could never be like that. I just wanted my time at SCC to be done.
And then Kelsey came strolling along, fucking up my plans. Fucking up me.
Mel looked pale when she saw me, her brown eyes narrowing and her lips turning into a frown. Her slender frame wore her usual leggings, and a long t-shirt that practically ended near her knees. She didn’t look healthy; her short blonde hair sticking every which way. With one hand on the doorknob, the other on the door frame, she eyed me up. “She’s not here, Levi.” The way she said my name, as if it was acid, almost made me flinch.
It would have, if I wasn’t expecting her to take a tone like that. I deserved her hatred and more. What happened last year, I blamed Sigma Chi and Dean, but in the end, it was me who went along with it, me who agreed to do it. I held as much blame as the rest of them.
Fucking Dean had just wanted to break her after she left him, punish her in some sick, twisted way, and he’d gotten his wish. He got his wish, and then he immediately regretted it, not like he would ever admit it, though.
I should just walk away, but I didn’t. I asked, “Do you know when she’ll be back?”
“No,” Mel muttered. Her short nails practically dug into the wooden door frame, the look on her face deadly. “But I imagine it’ll be either today or tomorrow. You do know why she left, don’t you?”
My jaw remained clamped shut.
“She left to make herself forget you,” Mel whispered. “I hope it worked.” The words were meant to sting, and they did. Oh, they stung harder than anything else she could’ve said.
The last thing I wanted Kelsey to do was forget me, even if it was what was best for her. “Mel, I—” Again, I was going to apologize to her, but I knew no apology I said now could ever right the wrongs I’d done to this girl. She was the reason Kelsey refused to look at me. She was taking her friend’s side over mine, which I could respect.
I could respect it, but also hate it at the same time.
“Don’t
