I didn’t want to think about Mom and Dad, and I sure as shit didn’t want to think about what I’d done. There was no safe place for my mind to roam, so I settled on something, someone, I shouldn’t.
Levi.
Things were too messy. We’d both made mistakes, and some of those mistakes you couldn’t come back from. How he hurt Mel…that wasn’t something you could just forgive. I could handle it when I thought he’d taped us together—I was pissed, but I could’ve maybe worked through it—but finding out everything with Dean, how Mel had nearly killed herself last year because of what happened, I just couldn’t.
There was no coming back for us. No me and him. Some mistakes weren’t meant to be forgiven or forgotten. I would not be that chick who got together with a guy who obviously hurt other people like it was nothing. Levi was no better than Dean.
And Dean…ugh, don’t even get me started on that fuckboy. He needed to get a swift punch in the dick, and then some. Frankly, a dick punch wouldn’t be enough. There was no amount of pain that would ever right the wrongs that one had committed.
Who knew college was as full of drama as high school? Here I used to think that once I started college, the cliques and all the useless shit that made up high school would be a thing of the past. But you know what? People didn’t change, and neither did the way they acted. There would always be dickwads out there; their faces just got a little more handsome with each passing day.
I must’ve eventually dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I heard my door creak open, soft footsteps on the carpet as someone entered my room. “I’m surprised you’re back so early,” my mom’s voice filled the room, causing my aching head to pound even harder. “Do you want some breakfast?”
Breakfast? It’d only been a few hours then. Shit, I really needed to close my eyes and go to sleep, get this growing migraine to head for the hills, and cleanse my brain of last night’s events.
“No,” I muttered, not hungry. So unlike me, I knew, but the mere thought of stuffing food down my gullet made me want to puke. Or maybe that was just the stress mixed with the bit of alcohol I’d drank last night. I didn’t even drink that much, I didn’t think.
Then again, clearly I wasn’t the best judge of things, so I supposed you should take that with a grain of salt.
“Okay,” Mom spoke, sounding as if she didn’t really believe me. “Well, if you change your mind, just let me or your father know, okay?”
Though she couldn’t see me, because I was still under the covers and refused to leave them, I rolled my eyes. I knew my way around the kitchen. I might not be a chef, I might barely know how to boil water, but hey, if I was that hungry, I’d find something. I didn’t need their help. The one thing I wanted right now was to be alone—was that too much to ask?
My mom didn’t ask about last night, thank God. She didn’t linger to ask about Ash, either. My mom knew better. She simply left my room, gently closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, I let out a sigh.
I had a feeling I’d be doing a lot of sighing these next few days…or until I forgave myself for what I did.
Fuck that. Who needed forgiveness when self-loathing came so easily?
Chapter Two – Levi
This wasn’t the first time I’d made the walk across campus, heading to Kelsey’s dorm building. It was the first time, however, that I didn’t turn around sometime during the walk. I walked to her dorm late Friday night, which was stupid because I knew she wouldn’t be there. Saturday, I knew it would be a stretch for her to be home so soon, but I walked anyway—twice, turning around at the halfway point each time.
Kelsey didn’t want to see me, that much was obvious, but for whatever reason, I just couldn’t let it be. I couldn’t let things go on like this. I might’ve held back before, kept the truth from her thinking it wouldn’t help, but now? Now I said fuck it to everything. What did any of it matter if I didn’t have her?
It didn’t.
Nothing mattered without Kelsey.
It was bizarre of me to admit that, because a few months ago, the only thing on my mind was keeping to myself and getting through this last year at SCC before I transferred to a different college. Now? Now the last thing on my mind was transferring. I knew that had been the plan all throughout high school—my mom’s plan for me, really—but now I couldn’t even think about leaving this campus and not seeing Kelsey again.
Maybe that’s why I hurt so much inside. This girl had caught me in her web, which was ridiculous in and of itself because no girl had ever even come close to catching me, and now I was helpless when it came to her. The thought of Kelsey not being in my life was one of the most awful thoughts I could think of.
I needed her. I needed her like the air I breathed. She made my heart beat with meaning, with a purpose. I couldn’t let that go. Call me obsessive, call me insane, I didn’t care. I just couldn’t let that
