“You know what? Call me when you have the kid, and I’ll just send some money, all right? Obviously, that’s all you want anyway.”
“Keep it, Ren,” My voice was barely more than a rasp. “If you don’t want to be a dad, then don’t.”
He stormed off, throwing a hand behind his back like he was dusting me off completely.
Good.
After he disappeared, my legs went weak. I dropped to my knees, holding tight to my unborn baby. Did I do the right thing? Would a better mom marry Ren, just so she could make sure there was always food on the table? Was I being selfish . . . again?
I don’t know what I’m doing, God, but if you can give me a sign, I’m watching.
Fifteen
-CARTER-
The bonfire cracked and popped beside the lake, and the staffers were out celebrating the end of another camp week. I sat beside the fire, trying to pretend like I came down here for the camaraderie. Judging by the lack of people around me, I wasn’t doing a great job. My mom always said I was good at hiding everything except my anger.
After the whole basketball thing, I realized how stupid starting to care about a girl like Lauren had to be. I should’ve listened to Tucker when he tried to warn me about her the first time. Anyone who’d fall for a guy like Preppy was a deathtrap waiting to happen. Just thinking about him now made me want to punch something. One-legged, or not, I could’ve beaten him to a pulp if I had to. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I needed to prove my mental stability to everyone back home, and beating a rich kid at a Christian camp, when I was supposed to be up here healing, probably wouldn’t cut it.
I blew another hot breath and poked the fire with a stick. A flurry of sparks danced in the air above it and a round of laughter sounded from the volleyball pit. At some point tonight, I should probably make an attempt at socializing.
Not yet.
I set the stick down and crossed my arms, leaning back in the Adirondack, tilting my head back to study the stars. Orion’s belt wasn’t hard to find over the peak of the mountaintop across the lake. Must be nice, just looking down on everything, instead of living it.
Coconut perfume hit my senses. Just when I thought I’d finally found a sense of calm, she had to show up.
“I’m so sorry for what Ren did to you, Carter.”
Lauren set an Adirondack chair up next to mine, and I turned my attention back to Orion. “Sure your man’s cool with you sitting next to me? Seemed like he had a pretty big vendetta earlier.”
“He’s such a jerk.” She grunted, shaking her head. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. Aside from a tiny scrape on my arm, I was fine.
She pulled the hair tie from the end of her braid and slid it onto her wrist as she worked the ends of her hair loose, releasing another fruity scent—I inhaled it deep. Dang it, Carter. Self-control. I hated what her presence did to me. I snatched my stick from the sand and jabbed at the fire again. “Why’re you here?”
“Ren proposed.”
Nice. What more could go wrong with this day? I jabbed harder.
“Guess I should say congratulations.”
“I turned him down.”
“What?” I frowned, shifting to face her. “Why?”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“The guy’s a Grade A moron.”
She sniffed and wiped a tear from her cheek, tugging at that soft spot in my chest.
“He wanted to marry me, but only—I think—because his mom liked the idea of him being a family man. Good for business.” She grabbed a stick and started poking at the fire too. “I want what Megan had, Carter. I want to be loved the way you loved her. I see it every time you talk about her, how much you loved her. I didn’t think a love like that was possible before, but now that I know it is, I won’t settle for someone who wants to be with me because of the career perks he’ll get.” She swallowed, lifting a shoulder. “Can you really blame him though? I’m just a military brat with a broken past.”
“Don’t believe that lie.” Did she seriously not see how incredible she was? I mentally kicked myself for my negative thoughts earlier. “Let me ask you something. Did you or did you not just walk away from total security and an easy path to your dream job?”
“Oh shoot.” She sniffed, burying her face in her hands, “you think I screwed up too.”
“No, girl,” I bumped her shoulder with mine. “You’re a warrior, Lauren. You chose to be alone over marrying a jerk who could’ve provided for you, yeah, but he would’ve made you miserable in the long run. Your kid, too, probably. You’re already being a good mom. I’m proud of you for turning him down.”
Her brows drew together and part of me was aching to kiss it all away, a part of me I’d been ignoring until Preppy-gate.
“I thought you’d tell me to go after him. That we’d be better together, for the bab—marshmallow.” She tucked her hair behind her ear.
“I said all those things before I knew what kind of a moron he is. You kind of painted him in a rose-colored light there for a while, cowgirl.”
“I do that a lot.”
“What?”
“Amp guys up to be way better than they are.”
“Whatever your reason, I’m actually really happy you turned him down.”
“Really?” The slightest grin pinched her dimples.
“Not gonna lie, Lauren. Seeing you with him . . .” Dang. Was I really about to say this?
She gnawed her bottom lip, and that rebel strand of hair floated back over her face. I reached out at the same time she did and tucked it with her, sparks igniting between our fingers when they touched. “Just . . . I haven’t been that jealous in a really
