At first, I was afraid to get married and have children lest I follow in my mom and dad’s footsteps. Now that I was older and wiser, having a family was all I dreamed about.
If Jazmin didn’t want kids, that might be a deal-breaker, but she hadn’t explicitly said she didn’t want them. Judging by how old Jared’s kids looked, her relationship with him had to have been quite a while ago, so hopefully, her priorities had changed since then.
“All right. I think we can leave now,” she said, standing. “He doesn’t seem to notice us.”
I stood as well, and as I stepped back to let her walk in front of me, she suddenly grabbed my arm. “Don’t look but he’s staring at us.” Her voice was as quiet as a whisper, but there was panic there.
“You want to hurry out?”
She ignored the question. “Kiss me.”
I cocked an eyebrow and looked at her hard to make sure she was serious. She nodded slightly, and I didn’t wait for her to ask me again. I pulled her into my arms and lowered my mouth to hers. I’d thought about what it would be like to kiss those ruby lips for five whole months, but I didn’t think I’d get a chance to do it this soon.
My lips moved over hers gently, testing the waters, making sure I didn’t overstep. But when she threw her arms around my neck, that gave me the green-light to hold her tighter, to move my mouth over hers more fervently. A few seconds later, we pulled back at the same time, breathless. Perhaps she had allowed me to kiss her just to show the ex-boyfriend she wasn’t alone, or maybe she was just so overcome with my good looks that she demanded a kiss. Yeah, right. It was definitely the first option.
“That was amazing,” I said.
“You’re a great kisser.”
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
“I’m not, I…” She glanced over at the ex-boyfriend, but he wasn’t looking at us anymore. He was talking to his wife and kids which was just as well.
“You ready?” I asked.
She smiled and relaxed her shoulders. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
Chapter 3
Jazmin
1 month later
“What’s going on between you and Clay?” Sabrina whispered as we headed to the baggage claim to pick up our luggage. We had just landed in Anchorage, and the plan was to get rental cars and then head over to Clay’s house. My stomach fluttered at the thought of seeing him again, but I needed to stop thinking of him that way. The sooner I did, the better.
I shrugged and glanced around to make sure our families couldn’t hear. They were walking ahead of us, but I wanted to be extra careful since some of them were overly curious. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
In all truth, I had an inkling, but it was hard to push myself to do the right thing. When I’d first met Clay, I’d thought he was a little too outspoken…or maybe a lot. He’d rubbed me the wrong way, but once we started talking, we just…clicked.
I’d tried to distance myself, but when he flew out to California two times to see me, my heart melted.
And then there was that kiss. It was the kind of kiss a woman didn’t easily forget. But I had to forget.
“You don’t know because he’s been unclear about his intentions?” Sabrina asked. “Or because you aren’t sure what you want?”
In a perfect world, Clay and I might be able to move past our differences to make a relationship work, but I didn’t see how we could overcome the issue of having children. When we’d had dinner a month ago, he’d slipped his desire for a family into the conversation, and I’d seen in his eyes how important it was to him. It was like being with Jared all over again, only this time, I had to stop things before they progressed too far. Thinking about it made my chest ache, but it was the right thing to do. I just had to get the courage to push him away for good.
A better woman would have told him outright what the issue was, but I was too private to do that. No one knew that I couldn’t have children, not even my own mother. It hurt too much to talk about it. Honestly, it was easier to focus on what I could do. Building my career. Finding self-assurance in my ability to take care of myself. I didn’t need a man to survive.
But that didn’t mean I didn’t want love or marriage or all the things my friends and family had. I wanted that as much as the next person, but God had chosen differently for me.
I wasn’t bitter.
Okay, maybe I was a little. Most of the time I accepted where the Lord had me and was content with the blessings he had given me. But at times like these, when a sliver of hope slipped into my universe, it was really hard not to struggle.
Clay and I could have worked out if only I was able to have children, but that would never happen. Yes, adoption was always a possibility, but as a therapist, I’d found that many people—men and women alike—wanted their own biological children. In my line of work, I knew too well that coming to a decision to adopt often took years. I just couldn’t invest my heart in a relationship and then find out my infertility was the reason we had to break up. I’d seen a few of my clients go through that, and they were devastated. Maybe if I went into it with a more naïve mindset, I wouldn’t fear the worst.
Sabrina nudged me with her elbow. “Do you plan to answer
