I’d been so lost in thought I’d forgotten what she’d asked. “Sorry, my mind is elsewhere today. What was the question again?”
“Are you unsure about Clay because he hasn’t made his intentions clear? Or are you feeling ambivalent about him?”
People gathered around the baggage carousel, but we lingered back, figuring we’d get our turn soon enough. Our luggage wasn’t going anywhere and neither of us liked to fight the crowds.
“He’s been clear about what he wants, and I like him a lot, but we have different goals in life. Different desires.”
Sabrina met my gaze, and there was a gentleness in her manner as if she understood how hard this was for me. “The melding of those goals and desires is what makes a good marriage. Both parties have to compromise.”
In this case, there was nothing I could do to compromise. I physically could not have children. My endometriosis had progressed to the point that my doctor told me it was very unlikely that I would ever get pregnant. Yes, there were surgeries and things people could do, but I was in my early forties and that made the challenge that much harder.
I glanced over to find Sabrina watching me intently, a crease on her forehead indicating concern. “I’m not trying to push you. You don’t have to be with Clay if you don’t want to be, but I love you and want to see you happy.”
“I am happy.” I didn’t sound convincing even to myself.
“All right. If you say so.”
“I do.”
A masculine hand squeezed my shoulder, and I turned to find Clay standing there, a silly grin on his face, wearing the same cowboy hat he’d had on when he’d visited me in California. “Good morning, madam. Can I be of service?”
My eyes widened, and I stepped back. “Clay…what are you doing here? I thought you would be at your house waiting for us.”
“That was the plan.” He just stared at me, not giving an explanation for his sudden appearance.
Sabrina stifled a laugh with a hand over her mouth. “Plans tend to change, don’t they?” She looked almost giddy with delight.
Hunter approached behind her and put a finger at his lips indicating we shouldn’t alert her to his presence. He picked her up off her feet before she even saw him. He twirled her around and she squealed when she realized who it was, and then he hugged her tight. “How is the future Mrs. Gaines?”
She pulled back, placing her hands on both sides of his face. “Perfect, now that I’m here with you.”
He bent down and kissed her, and I turned away, not wanting to intrude on their private moment. Clay was watching me intently; his gaze moving to my lips and then up to my eyes. That one look felt like a caress, and my insides turned to liquid, my face heating at the reminder of that kiss we’d had a month ago. Suddenly, it became extremely important that I distract both of us from those kinds of thoughts.
“I can’t believe you drove all this way. In a few minutes, you’ll have to turn around and drive right back.”
He laughed like the idea didn’t bother him in the least. “Well, I was hoping you’d drive with me. It’ll give us the chance to talk.”
“Oh.” I needed to say no, but doing that would hurt his feelings, and I didn’t want to do that. Spending more time with him wasn’t a good idea. The thought of driving with Clay for four hours to Anchor Point filled me with warmth, and it was like a shot of serotonin. It literally made me feel high. But I had to be practical and not allow emotions to rule my decisions. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I didn’t want to lead him on even more.
“That’s a nice idea,” I said politely, “but I plan to get my own rental car.”
Sabrina nudged me on the shoulder. “You don’t need to do that. Hunter has an extra vehicle you can use. Isn’t that right?” She turned to Hunter and although I couldn’t see her face, I knew she was giving him silent communication on the matter.
“Yes, absolutely,” he said. “I recently bought a used truck to haul in lumber when I need it. You’re more than welcome to use it while you’re here.”
“That’s okay. I would hate to inconvenience you.”
Clay winked. “It’s not an inconvenience at all.”
I smiled wanly. “Easy for you to say since it’s not your vehicle.”
“It really isn’t a problem,” Hunter said.
“Well, that settles it.” Sabrina wrapped her arm around Hunter’s waist and the two of them moved closer to the baggage carousel to get her luggage.
“Guess you’re stuck with me,” Clay said, a mischievous grin on his face.
“Looks like I am.”
The drive to Anchor Point was awkward and uncomfortable after that. I wanted to relax and enjoy myself, but since I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression, I couldn’t let my guard down. I’d already shot his hopes up with that kiss, which I felt terrible about, by the way. I’d responded irresponsibly and acted on impulse.
Seeing Jared with his wife and kids had crushed me, not because I had lingering feelings for Jared, but because I wanted what he had…a family. The Bible said not to covet, and I had, despite my desire to be content with the life God had given me. Kissing Clay was a way to feel alive—like I wasn’t alone in this world—but I shouldn’t have done it.
Besides that, I hadn’t counted on liking it as much as I had, and I hadn’t considered how it would affect me afterward. Clay was all I could think about for days after he flew back home. It had taken a lot of discipline to push thoughts of
