Maybe we all are, Maker included.
I swallow and get through my shift until it’s over. I cash out my till and I grab my jacket, throwing my purse over my shoulder, thinking about what's inside of it.
When I get home, I ignore my brothers, who are half drunk in the living room. I go to the bathroom, locking the door, opening my purse and pulling out the package that I bought at the pharmacy earlier.
I hated buying it because in this town, nothing is a secret. It's too small for that, but I had to get the test. So I bought it along with a Snickers bar and a Diet Coke. And I averted my eyes, not meeting Tony's gaze as he rang me up. He didn't say anything. And I thanked him silently for that.
Now alone in my bathroom, I open the test up, and pee on the stick. Hoping for what? I don't know. I guess just a definitive answer. Some sort of understanding. Part of me is wishing everything were different, and also not wanting anything to change because if it all had been different, I guess maybe I wouldn't have had that night with Maker.
I wait the three minutes, just like the instructions tell me, and finally I glance at the test strip. My heart’s beating fast as I look at the two pink lines, a positive result.
I close my eyes, but the tears fall anyways. My heart pounding with one emotion: joy.
Maker
"When's the last time you got any rest?" Walker asks, setting down his drill and wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "I mean, I've been out here every day this week, but you've been out here every day for the past two months. Aren't you tired?"
I grunt, picking up another screw and drilling it into the baseboard. "I have a vision," I say. "Corny as that sounds, I've got to do this, Walker. I mean, I've got to make a life for myself out here."
Walker nods. "I get that, brother. I do. It's just, why the rush? You have the land. You don't need a big ass cabin right now. Take some time to breathe. Have you even slept recently?"
I shrug. "I sleep at least five, six hours a night. That's plenty."
Walker laughs. "Hell, I guess I can't say it's much better for me, considering the babies keeping me up half the night."
"Yeah," I say. "But they sure are cute."
Now Walker does more than laugh. He's cracking up. "Dude, did my bad ass brother just make a comment about babies being cute? Who the hell are you?"
"I don't know," I tell him, running a hand over my beard. “I’ve just been out here watching you and Jameson. Hell, Beam sent me a text. Bellamy’s having a baby too. It's just, fuck, everyone's moving on with their lives. And I want that."
"Well, you're not going to find a wife and a baby out here in the middle of the woods," Walker says with a laugh. "Come on, let's have a beer and something to eat. I'm fucking starving and Wavy packed us a lunch."
"Damn, Wavy's good to you."
Walker laughs. "Too good for me."
"Yeah, and how do you deal with that, knowing the woman you love, the mother of your children, is way better than you'll ever be?"
Walker opens up the cooler he brought with him this morning and hands me a beer and a meatloaf sandwich. Fuck, good old home cooking. And it's good too.
“I look at it this way," Walker says. "The girl of my dreams somehow decided I was the man she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. And instead of pushing that away, I made a choice to be what she needed, the man she believed I could be. I know it sounds cheesy, but hell, I don't give a shit. I just know that I don't want to let my wife down ever. I love Wavy. I love her enough to give her the life she deserves. And I can only pray that I'll live up to her expectations."
"I think I fucked up," I tell Walker.
"How so?" he says.
"I just keep thinking about Marley."
My brother's eyebrows raise. "The girl from the wedding? You keep in touch with her?"
I shake my head. "No." I never told him the truth of what happened after I dropped her off at her house, the fight in the back yard. I hadn't seen him for a few weeks after the wedding so he never saw my black eye, the bruise on my face.
"I don't keep in touch with her, but I wish I had."
"Yeah? She seemed like a nice girl. Too nice for you.” My brother shakes his head.
"That's the problem. She is too good for me, but hell, we spent a night together. Well, two nights really, and—"
"Wait, what? You hooked up with her?"
I shrug. "Look, I'm not trying to get into the details. I just really care about her. Is that crazy, to care about someone you hardly know?"
Walker takes a slug from his beer. "Look, I'm not the right man to answer that question. I fell for Wavy hard. I didn't want to let her go. So, I'm maybe not the right guy to ask about taking it slow. When I want something, I go in. All in."
I nod. "That's how I've always been too. And it worked well for me."
"Until?" Walker asks.
I tell him the truth. "Until her three brothers beat the living shit out of me when I took her home." I explain the rest of the story to Walker and he nods in understanding.
"Three on one? What the fuck were you thinking, Maker?"
I run a hand over my beard. "I was thinking I cared about Marley and I would do anything to be with her."
"And then you got beat up and ran home
