"Look, the sheriff was there. I had no choice but to leave. Besides, what do I have to offer a girl like Marley? She's the town sweetheart in Riverside. Everyone there thinks she’s a princess and her brothers have never let her date. So, then I show up, a goddamn ex-con, with a history they all know about, and I don't even have a goddamn house to bring her home to. I have nothing."
Walker nods, everything making sense. "And that's why you're working your ass off to build this place?"
I nod. "Exactly."
"Well, why didn't you just tell me that? Jameson and Beam would have been over here to help if everyone knew."
"Knew that I had shit to show for myself?"
"Maker, that's not true," Walker tells me. "You've got money, and that’s a start. Do you have any dreams? What do you want to do with your life?"
"I could ask you the same question," I push back.
"Look, Wavy and I are happy, and homesteading takes a shit ton of work. We have a simple life and that's how we want it. We make ends meet because we are working hard for what we have. Our ambition is small, but Maker, you're different than me. You've always had a bigger picture in mind. You've always managed lots of people, lots of money, lots of assets. Are you really going to be happy here in the middle of nowhere without a job?"
I shrug. "I don't know. Part of me would like to invest in something with Alaskan roots, make this state better than it is. Fuck, I know that sounds egotistical, but I have a lot of cash. I could do a lot of good if I knew what good needed to be done. I've spent so many years in California making money off people's pain. Now, I want to put that money somewhere it can help. And until I'm doing that to some degree, I won't be good enough for a girl like Marley Grove."
Walker grunts. "Look, I'm not telling you what to do. Hell, you've always been a man who did what he wanted anyways. But I've seen you change over the last few years, and I'm fucking proud of you, bro. Maybe that's not very manly to say or admit, but I am. Wavy is too. You've come a long ass way. So, don't stop now. Get Beam and Jameson over here tomorrow. We'll finish your fucking house. Hire a contractor to do the finishing work. If you need a home to bring your girl to, make sure that happens. And in the meantime, you've got to figure out what you want to do with your life. And you need to stop letting your past define you because I can tell you from my own experience, it'll only hold you back."
"Fuck, Walker. When did you become so damn inspirational?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, looking at my little brother and knowing he's a good man, the kind of man I want to be.
"Now finish your food," Walker says, taking the final drink of his beer. "And let's get back to work. We have a house to build."
Marley
I'm pregnant. Very clearly pregnant.
I went to a midwife in town the day after I took the test and now it's been a few weeks. I heard the heartbeat and even if no one else will notice the swell of my belly, I feel it, a little bean that's growing there.
I’m lucky that I don't have morning sickness, but it's hard for me to eat much without feeling slightly nauseous. Still, I'm grateful I'm not waking up every day running to the bathroom because the fact that I live with my brothers who do not know and will not know that I’m carrying their niece or nephew, is really important right now. Until I talk to Maker face-to-face, I don't want them on some rampage looking for him.
They already got in a fight over my virtue and everyone left with bloody lips. I don't want to know what might come of the fact that I'm now pregnant with Maker's baby. Even as I think, a smile crosses my face. I'm so happy even though I have a hundred different reasons to be scared. I'm not. I'm hopeful. And God, it feels good.
In the kitchen I make breakfast for my brothers like I do most days. Pancakes, eggs, bacon, a pot of coffee and a jug of orange juice. And this is why they don't want me to go on dates, to fall in love, get married, live happily ever after. Because if I wasn't here in this kitchen, cooking and cleaning and taking care of them, then they would have to face the reality that they are bachelors without many prospects, because there aren't many options in Alaska.
There aren't hundreds of women waiting for a man to sweep them off their feet. Most of the girls who are born and raised here leave when they get the chance. And the ones that come later in their lives, they're usually hitched by the time they arrive.
My brothers are good guys. And they're well-intentioned but sometimes when it comes to me, it gets them in trouble. I want them to be happy. But first, before I can worry about their happily ever afters, I need to deal with my own.
When they come into the kitchen, I start dishing up their morning meal. As I place plates in front of them at the kitchen table, I tell them I need to take a boat out to visit my friend Bellamy today.
"You hiring someone to drive you?"
"Well, yeah, unless one of you want to. It's a three-hour drive both ways. It would be the whole day. I was thinking of getting a charter and staying the night.”
My brothers exchange glances. “Sorry, we can’t drive you. We're busy today."
"With what?” I ask.
They're fishermen, and they go out
