It makes me feel like part of their world.
I’ve always been part of their lives, but this is different.
I sit at the table while Clara moves about in the kitchen. Jacob reads the problem out loud, chewing on the end of his pencil while he does so. It seems normal.
Like a normal Monday night.
Clara sneaks glances at me, her smile tugging at the corners of her lips, her coy expression making my chest swell.
Emotions clog my throat. I’ve been less lonely with Clara and Jacob in town. And now that things are heating up with Clara and me, it feels like everything I’ve ever wanted.
Jacob tugs on my shirt sleeve. “Are you listening?”
I clear my throat and shift in my seat to study his textbook. “Ah, yes. Fractions. Let’s get to work.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. I have to go to bed soon, you know?” His eyebrows shoot toward his hairline.
As Clara joins us at the table, I rub my hands together, ready to crack this code.
It feels nostalgic, working with Jacob. I’m reminded of the times I tutored other students in college in order to earn extra money. It wasn’t much, but it was nice pocket money since I was saving for medical school.
It doesn’t take long for Jacob and me to work through the problems, and we eat while we work over the next hour. I hadn’t realized what time it was until Jacob yawns, his head bobbing like it’s too heavy for him to hold up.
“I think it’s time for bed, big guy.” I shut the textbook and rustle his hair.
From behind me, Clara shuts the dishwasher, then sighs. “Go brush your teeth, sweetie. I’ll be in there in a minute.”
“I don’t need you tuck me in or anything.” He drags his feet as he walks toward his room. His words are slurred, and I doubt he even knows what he’s saying.
Clara finishes wiping her hands on a dish towel, shaking her head as he shuffles out of the kitchen, his hair sticking out to one side.
I still smell garlic on my fingertips from the breadsticks, so I start toward the bathroom to wash my hands. As I pass Clara, I sneak in a kiss, tilting her head back. She tastes of everything good in my life.
“I’ll be just a minute.” She grins, then steps out into the hall.
Once I’m done in the bathroom, I hang out on the couch, the TV a low hum.
“Want to play hide-and-seek?” Jacob appears from behind the couch.
I jump, surprised. He appears more awake now than he did just a moment ago. I open my mouth to say something, but Clara’s voice calls out from the laundry room. “Can you get Jacob to bed, Mitch? It’s late.”
I freeze, and Jacob peeks up from behind the couch.
After a few seconds that feel like an eternity, Clara enters the living room, wiping a stray hair from her forehead. “Did you hear me, Jacob? It’s time for bed.”
“Heard you loud and clear,” I mutter as I usher Jacob into his room, hoping he doesn’t say anything.
Thankfully, he just crawls into bed without a word. I close his door, my body tense. My mind is a blur. When I face Clara, her smile spreads slowly, and I notice the suggestive twinkle in her eye that I’ve come to know and love.
But I don’t move.
I don’t throw her over my shoulder and run us up to her room like I wanted.
I don’t say anything.
Instead, I grab my jacket and head for the door.
“I thought you were staying.” Clara crosses her arms. She twists her lips like she’s hurt, but I’m the one who’s dejected.
Naive.
Stupid.
I was stupid to think this was as real for her as it was for me.
Dropping my hand from the doorknob, I step toward her. “You called me Mitch, Clara.”
“What?”
“Just now. You called out to Mitch.”
“I didn’t…” she trails off as realization dawns. She pales and covers her mouth with a trembling hand. “Dax, please don’t think I meant anything by it because I didn’t. It was a mistake. I’m so used to him being here to help with Jacob—”
“It’s more than that.” I grind my teeth like I’m using all my energy to push a dolly of bricks through a wall—impossible.
Clara and me—we’re…
Shit. We’re a fantasy I was lost in.
Reality settles in and hurts me more with each word that leaves my mouth.
“It’s more than routine, Clara. You miss him, and I get it. He was your husband of over ten years and Jacob’s father. I won’t compete with that—I don’t want to—but I can’t…” I point between us. “I can’t wonder if he’s who you wish was in bed with you every night instead of me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“This whole situation isn’t fair.” I raise my voice, then grip the back of my neck and try to keep my temper under control since Jacob’s in the next room. I lower my voice when I say, “I just can’t.” I reach for the door again.
“Dax, please don’t go.” Her voice is shaky, and I know even without looking that tears are forming in her gorgeous eyes.
I exhale a shaky breath of my own.
Anger.
Defeat.
Love.
I feel each and every emotion as I take her in—the woman I’ve chased and waited for all my life.
With each thought, my heart speeds up. If I was hooked to the monitors at work, the beeping would be deafening.
“Give me your hand,” I whisper.
Her hand is still shaking when I cover it with mine and place it over my left pec.
“Feel that?”
She nods, her lips quivering.
“My heart has beat for you since we were kids.” I pause, still attempting to keep my voice down when all I want to do is scream. “It’s
