“I have no doubt she’ll be honored, Willow. This is great.” My smile falters, the mood shifting around us. I glance from Willow to Zach and back again. “I’m excited for you both. Mom and Dad would be too.”
My sister’s not the emotional type, but she gives me a watery smile.
I squeeze her hand and nod. We both miss them every day.
Now, Willow is going to start her own family.
My chest is tight as we continue chatting about the adoption process. Willow insists she’s not getting her hopes up for anything to happen anytime soon because it’s such a long and difficult process, but I can tell when she looks at Zach that she’s excited.
They both are.
I am too, but part of me is crushed by how quickly time has passed. Willow used to rely only on me, but now she has Zach. Soon, she’ll have another person relying on her. It’s overwhelming and amazing and emotional.
And Clara? She survived on her own with Jacob while Mitch was sick and after he passed. It seems she’ll continue to be just fine. She’s strong like that, and it’s one of the things I love about her.
But I used to be needed. I used to be enough for the people close to me. What will happen to me when they all move on? Life carries on no matter what, after all. After the accident, life continued, even though it was a blur for me. Even though I wanted it to end. For the world to grieve with me.
Eventually, I rejoined the world and found relief by being of service to people, as well as my patients. How will I spend my days now? More time alone?
Fuck.
After a while, I pay the check, and we make plans to have dinner at their place soon. I walk outside, taking in the late afternoon sun. I didn’t have too many calls today, which was a relief, but I didn’t have anyone to spend my free time with.
Staci and Brooks were busy at the hospital and their own lives.
I haven’t been able to speak with Clara. I told her I’d always be there for her, and I plan to. I just need time to clear my head.
Thankfully, I got to see Willow and Zach.
On the way to my truck, I receive a text and stop as I reach my door. “What the hell?” I mutter as I read the message.
I jerk my door open, throw the truck in reverse, and race across town until I reach its outskirts and keep driving, my throat clogged with worry and dread. I pull into a parking spot and jump out.
“What’s going on, big guy?” I run up the steps and give Jacob a once-over, my heart racing. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He grabs my arm and leads the way through the hall to a well-lit opening. Tables covered in checkered tablecloths and wineglasses are taken mostly by couples.
The rain yesterday brought with it a slight cold front, and the trees sway around us.
Helene comes out with two plates and silverware, but she stops when she sees me. “Hi, Dax.”
The blood slowly starts pumping to the rest of my body at normal speed again as I take in the leisurely way she sets an empty table.
Jacob smiles widely and yanks on my shirt sleeve. “Are you hungry?”
“I guess, but—”
“Dax?” Clara’s voice sounds behind me, and when I turn to her, I wish I hadn’t.
Her hair falls loosely over her shoulders, one side tucked behind her ear. Her cheeks are tinted pink.
She’s too fucking beautiful.
And my hurt is too raw.
“What’re you doing here?” She sets a bowl of salad down on the table where her mom just set two plates.
“You didn’t tell Jacob to text me?” I search for an answer in their expressions, but Jacob continues smiling slyly.
Clara runs her hands down her jeans as she takes me in. Starting at my feet, her eyes slowly travel up, and I can almost feel her gaze like I felt her fingertips on my skin all those nights ago.
“We thought you might be hungry and would want to eat with us.” Jacob points to the table.
“But it’s only set for two.” I lean down to be eye level.
“This table’s for you and Mom.”
Clara covers her mouth.
“Okay, big guy. I appreciate this.” My lips curl in the corners. “But maybe next time, you don’t text me saying there’s a medical emergency.”
“You did what?” Clara moves toward us, her hands on her hips.
“Starving is a medical emergency.” Jacob shrugs.
“Jacob, I can’t believe you did this. I gave you a phone for actual emergencies. Don’t make me take it away,” Clara scolds.
I scratch my chest, under which my heart has begun beating at a normal rhythm again. “It’s fine.” I eye her scrunched up nose, trying to wrap my head around this.
Whether she wants me to be here or not.
“It’s not fine.” Her eyes are pleading, like she’s wondering the same thing about me—if I want to be here with her.
I don’t have an answer.
I can’t turn off my feelings for her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she called me by another man’s name.
That she’s not ready to move on.
I exhale in frustration, then cover it up with a cough for Jacob’s sake.
“Jacob, apologize to Dax.”
“Not necessary, really.” I hold my hands up.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob whispers, and his face becomes red before he dips his head. “I just thought—”
“Yes?” Clara urges.
“Luke said he tricked his dad and Sidney into having dinner, and now they’re getting married. I thought I could do the same for you and Dax, Mom.”
If my heart could break any more, now would be the time.
His pout absolutely crushes me.
“Honey, I don’t think Dax—”
“I smell your grandma’s garlictastic bruschetta.” I clap him on the back,
