“They need to know that every time I leave, there’s a chance I won’t come back. It’s something I should’ve talked to them about weeks ago and I didn’t.”
She could say that there was always a chance people wouldn’t come back. Accidents happened every day. But what he did was different. The risk was exponentially different than a random accident. She knew that without knowing the details of what he did.
“I told you that I had a meeting Friday night.”
Peyton nodded.
“I’m making some changes that will mean I won’t be gone as much.”
This time she tensed and there was nothing she could do about her reaction. It was a reflex she no control over.
“Alex’s comments about us getting serious got to you.”
Peyton thought a long time about how she wanted to respond to Kade. Finally, she said, “Things are moving really fast.”
“Too fast?”
“In some ways.”
“Would help if I told you that you and the boys aren’t the only reason I’m making these changes.”
“I think it does help.”
Kade cupped her cheek with his palm and brought her close to him. “I like you, Peyton. Like. I’m not in love with you.”
She smiled. “I like you too, Kade.”
They sat on the rock on the cliffs at sunset while the boys played down on the beach. When they came up, Kade explained to them that his job put him in a certain about of danger.
They were boys and rather than acknowledging that Kade might be injured, or worse, they looked at him like one of the superheroes in the movies they watched.
Peyton’s heart hurt thinking that one day, she might have to tell them that not every superhero is invincible.
12
Instead of two months, which would’ve put him back in California in September, Kade was gone until a few days before Thanksgiving. The first mission he’d been called for wrapped up when it was supposed to. It was the second mission that kept him the remainder of the time.
Unlike a previous mission when he had to go completely dark, this one allowed him to keep in touch with Peyton, so she at least knew he was okay.
Before he’d left in July, after he’d spoken with Jamison and Finn, he also had a frank conversation with Peyton. If anything happened to him, she’d be contacted by one of two people—Razor or Paps. It was as difficult for her to accept that possibility as it was for the boys. Harder perhaps because to her, it was real.
He wondered if his extended time away had made things easier for her. It’s hard to become attached to someone when a person only sees them a few months a year. Part of him was prepared for her to end things and if she did, he’d accept her decision.
He got off the private plane that brought him from DC to the San Luis Obispo airport, and walked down the ramp, onto the tarmac, and into the small terminal utilized for only for private air travelers. He threw his bag over his shoulder and was on his way out when he heard a woman clear her throat.
“Peyton?” he said with a wide smile.
“I hope this is okay.”
He dropped his bag on the floor and pulled her into his arms. “More than okay.”
She put her arms around his neck and then they kissed. Kade pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.
“Can you believe I thought you were going to break things off between us?”
“That’s one of the reasons I’m here.”
His eyes opened wide and Peyton laughed.
“Not to break things off, but to apologize for the way I was acting before you left. I’m sorry, Kade.”
He kissed her again, so damn glad to have her in his arms.
Since Stave was closed and the boys were with Peyton’s parents for the week, they had three days alone together. The weather was cool, but each night they went and sat on the same rock on Moonstone Beach Drive, and watched the sun go down.
“We haven’t talked about tomorrow. I’ll tell you straight, I’m not big on holidays,” Kade said on the third night.
“I was thinking it would be best if we celebrated with our own families this year.”
While he was the one who’d said he wasn’t big on holidays, he found himself surprisingly disappointed that he wouldn’t be with her and the boys.
“Um…Kade?”
She was sitting between his legs, her back to his front. He snuggled her closer. “What, sweetheart?”
“I was wondering if…I know it’s a ways off, but maybe you’d like to spend some time with us over Christmas?”
He brought his cheek next to hers. “I’d love to.”
His whole family gathered together for Thanksgiving and again, Kade was surprised at how much it meant to him that they were.
After dinner, he took a walk in the vineyards with his youngest brother, Brodie.
“How are you, kid?” he said, grasping Brodie’s shoulder.
He sighed and looked up at the stars. “To be honest, I really don’t know.” They continued walking to the edge of the vineyards where the view opened up and they could see the clear night sky. They sat down on a boulder, not much unlike the one he’d sat on last night with Peyton.
“You want to talk about it?”
Brodie leaned back and rested on his elbows. “You ever wonder what your real purpose is in life? Nah, someone like you wouldn’t. What am I thinking?”
“Of course I do.”
“You do?”
“Every day.”
“Huh.”
“Why does that surprise you?”
“I don’t know. I look at you and Maddox and Naughton, even Skye and Ainsley. You all have something you’re passionate about.”
“You telling me you’re not passionate about schlepping wine?” Kade laughed.
“See? That’s what I mean. What do I do? I sell our wine.”
“Without you Butler Ranch would be in a world of hurt.”
“Until they found another salesman.”
Kade leaned back like Brodie was. “So, quit.”
He shook his head. “Right. And do what?”
“Figure it out, brother. Get away for a while. Shit, go sit on the beach and watch the waves come in. Go on a trip.
