It was about Nathan Hale, a boy his same age, and his unimaginable courage and poise in the face of death. The story was an ironic combination of daring, patriotism, innocent American idealism and even failure.
Hale was fourteen when he entered Yale University and graduated four years later, with honors, and became a teacher. The year was 1773. A mere two years later, the Revolutionary War broke out and Hale enlisted in the Connecticut militia. Mainly due to his level of education, he was appointed first sergeant of his company, and was eventually commissioned as a captain in the Continental Army’s 7th Connecticut Regiment. When the fledgling army created its intelligence service, he was recruited by the director, Benjamin Tallmadge, a classmate from Yale. For his first mission as a spy, Hale was charged with gathering information and documenting British troop dispositions during the Battle of Long Island.
In 1776, he slipped behind enemy lines posing as a Dutch schoolmaster. With little training, he was discovered almost immediately, in possession of incriminating documents. During his questioning, Hale refused to deny his status as a spy. He was sentenced to be hanged for treason the following day.
Nathan Hale was led to the gallows where he spoke his last words. His executioner later recounted the young man’s last words, “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”
Kade, knowing even at that young age, that he too planned to serve his country, was astounded by Hale facing death with such calm selflessness.
His words stick in his throat as though he would choke by the fear and shame he felt, knowing he could never possess that kind of courage.
The idea haunted him to do this day, that in the face of mortal danger, he would not possess Hale’s level of patriotism and bravery.
Each time he walked into the hallowed halls of the agency for whom he currently worked, but would soon retire from, he passed by a bronze statue of none other than Nathan Hale. At its base, was the quote that gave him such pause.
The statue itself depicted the young teacher-turned-spy standing on the gallows awaiting his fate. His hands bound so loosely behind his back that he couldn’t help but wonder why Hale hadn’t attempted an escape. But, it was his bravery, his loyalty, his undying devotion to his country, that prevented him from doing so.
The kind of work Kade did, meant that he faced the same danger Hale did, only on a far greater scale. If, like him, he was captured, would he be brave? Would he accept his fate “like a man?” He prayed so every time these thoughts kept him awake at night.
In the still, quiet hours of the night when there was no one else around, when he was forced to confront those fears, was when he entered into his own private, tormented hell—that place where the man he was now feared meeting the man he might become—the selfless, loyal hero, or coward.
If the latter, what was his worth to himself, his family, and his country? He’d turned his back on the legacy of his family, to serve and protect his country. How would he be remembered if he turned his back on that too?
His brother Brodie’s words also haunted him in the wee hours of the morning. “You ever wonder what your real purpose is in life?” he’d asked.
All the time. Daily. Nightly. Whenever there was silence.
His question now was about Peyton and her boys. Was the relationship he had with them fair? Was it just noise to keep his fears at bay?
He knew the answer in his heart. Could he brave enough to do the right thing now? Or would the coward in him put it off for his own selfish pleasure?
15
Kade assured Peyton everything was fine between us, but since the day she’d called him from the side of the road, it felt different.
He wasn’t gone anymore often. He wasn’t less present with her and the boys. There was just something unspoken between them that wouldn’t go away.
Jamison and Finn had two more weeks of school and then they’d be off for the summer. Peyton feared Kade would offer to spend time with them, insisting he enjoyed it as much or more than they did, but the way she felt, she couldn’t let that happen.
The time had come for her to end things. It would hurt beyond anything she could imagine, even Lang’s betrayal, because Kade had been nothing but be good to her.
He was away and wouldn’t be back for three or four days, but she vowed when he returned, she’d end the relationship. She had to before the boys school year wrapped up.
16
Kade drove two hours south to the house he rarely stayed in. The closer he got, the more he felt like he was about to face a firing squad. There was no reason for it; it had sat empty for the last three years.
It was the memory of all the years that came before it that made him feel sick to his stomach. All the mistakes he’d made. All the mistakes his ex-wife had made too. They never should’ve gotten married in the first place, but there was no going back to change it. He’d been so young, so misguided about doing the right thing, and it ended up hurting them both—along with the child who’d been forced to live a life she didn’t understand.
Right out of high school, Kade joined the Marines. Eventually, he’d gone on to serve in one of the very few elite Force Recon companies. He’d also been one of a handful of priors who underwent Navy SEAL training, followed by Special Operations training in Fort Bragg—with the Green Berets. Even that hadn’t been enough. He’d also earned a degree as a physician’s assistant.
As one of the very few men with his level
