“You told them about me?” I ask, my voice going higher.
“Was I not supposed to?” he questions.
“No, I mean, it’s fine. I’m just surprised.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I just thought maybe you’d keep all that to yourself.”
Merrick’s brows pull together as he reaches for my hand. “It’s never been about being embarrassed of you. I’ve just been afraid of how people would react to me being gay in general.”
“Yeah, I get it,” I say. “So we’re celebrating that they took the news well and you don’t have to leave the band?”
He shakes his head. “No. Well, sure, we can celebrate that, but there’s something else.”
“What?”
“We go to New York in a few days to have a meeting with our manager and the head of the label, and while I’m there, I’m gonna tell them, too. They can come up with some sort of strategy on how to come out to the public, whether it’s a statement written by a publicist or if I need to get online and say it myself, but soon it’ll all be out there.”
Joy threatens to escape through my lips in the form of laughter and a smile. I want to jump up and down and throw myself at him for taking these steps, but something deep in the pit of my stomach keeps me from getting too happy. He’s said this before. He’s told me he had plans to come out, only to not. I keep a tight grip on my happiness, because I can’t allow myself to believe it until I see it.
“That’s good,” I say with a smile.
“That’s it?” he questions. “I’m coming out, Ali. This is huge.”
I stroke his hand with my thumb as he keeps a light grip on my fingers. “I know it is, and I’m happy you’ve told your brothers and bandmates. That in itself is huge. I’m proud of you. I am.”
“You don’t think I’ll do it, do you?”
I sigh. “I don’t want to fight with you about this, but we’ve been here before, and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. That’s all. If I let myself believe that when you come back from New York, I can run outside and throw myself in your arms and kiss you in front of any and every one walking by, only to have that not be the case, I won’t be able to handle it.”
“Ali, I’m telling them. I’m tired of the secretive shit, too.”
I squeeze his hand and give him a small grin. “Okay.”
He growls. “I hate that you don’t believe me, but I guess I understand why.” Merrick pushes away from the table and stands up, tugging me to my feet as well. He holds my face in his hands and says, “I’m telling them because I owe it to myself to live my life the way I want, but I won’t lie and say it has nothing to do with you. I yearn for the day we can go out and be ourselves. I want to hold you and kiss you in front of people like everyone else has the right to do. I want this for us. I want you to know how much you mean to me, Ali.” He steps back and makes a point to look deeply into my eyes. “I’m telling them, and once it’s all over and done with, me and you are gonna have a long talk about our future, and this time I’m sticking to the plan.”
My heart flutters in my chest, and hope begins to take flight. It’s hard to ignore the sincerity in his voice and eyes. He wants me. He wants a future together, and I have no doubt that the shroud of secrecy is killing him. It feels like it’s the right time. Maybe it’ll happen this time, and perhaps I should stop being such a pessimist about this.
I wrap my arms around his waist and step toe-to-toe with him, angling my head up slightly. “Okay. Let’s take Johnnie to bed and celebrate. Then we can talk about these plans.”
Merrick bites down his lip before they curl up into a satisfied smile.
39
Alejandro
Present Day
Sprawled naked across the bed, I watch Merrick as he grips the bottle of Johnnie Walker and pours a small amount of the amber liquid on my chest. The alcohol drips off both sides, and travels down the middle of my stomach.
Merrick leans over me and licks the whiskey from my skin. “Mm,” he moans, gazing up at me with hooded, lust-filled eyes. “This is the best threesome we could have.”
“The only threesome we’ll have.”
He chuckles. “Someone doesn’t like to share.”
He crawls on top of me, straddling my hips while wearing nothing but his boxers. “Open your mouth for Johnnie.” I do as he says and he carefully pours a sips worth of the alcohol into my mouth. “Now open up for me.”
Merrick frees his erection through the slit in the boxers and scoots up, running the tip across my bottom lip.
I open my mouth and swirl my tongue around the circumference of his cockhead before he pushes in farther.
“Goddamn,” he groans.
He fucks my mouth for a minute before climbing off me. “Mm,” I moan, licking my lips.
“Who tastes better? Me or Johnnie?” he asks teasingly.
“I’m not sure,” I reply, reaching down to stroke my cock. “I may need another taste test.”
Merrick shoots me an unamused look before wrapping his lips around the head of the bottle and swallowing down a mouthful of whiskey.
“Come suck the taste off my tongue,” he commands.
I scramble up and get on my knees, capturing his face in my hands, and plunge my tongue in his mouth. I suck his whiskey-flavored tongue into my mouth, eliciting a low
