42
Alejandro
Present Day
I expect to hear from Merrick about how the meeting went, but he doesn’t call or text, so as I try to patiently wait for what I hope is good news, I distract myself by visiting the ladies in my life.
“’Bout time you showed your face around here again,” Lili says, walking into the kitchen with Mari’s car seat hanging from the crook of her arm.
“It hasn’t been that long,” I say, rolling my eyes as I continue to help my mom with dinner.
“Merrick came to town and you disappeared.” She eyes me as she gently places the baby down, unbuckling her from the seat.
“I’ve also been back home and hanging out with my other friends,” I shoot back.
“Mari needs a diaper change,” she says, bringing the baby to her chest.
“Let me do it,” Mom says, pushing past me with outstretched arms.
Once she disappears into the other room with the baby and the diaper bag, Lili crosses her arms and stares me down.
“What?” I ask, stirring the chili verde.
“What’s going on with you and Merrick?”
My heart rate picks up speed. “What do you mean?”
“You went on and on about the huge falling out you had, then got mad at me for inviting him over, and now everything’s okay? Y’all made up?”
I release a breath of relief. “Yeah, we did. Everything’s fine.”
“I never got to finish my question when he was here for dinner, and you’ve been scarce, and I want an answer.”
“Okay,” I reply hesitantly.
“This fight y’all had. Did it have something to do with you being gay?”
“No,” I answer immediately.
“So it wasn’t because he was a homophobe or something?”
I bark out a laugh. “No, it wasn’t that.”
“Well, what was it then? Were you mad that he left?”
With a sigh, I say, “No.”
“You’re not gonna tell me?”
“It’s not really worth talking about now. We’re friends, we’re fine, and we’re moving forward.”
Lili keeps staring at me, chewing on the inside of her lip. Hopefully I’ll be able to tell her soon, but as of now, as far as I know, Merrick is still in the closet.
“Did you have a crush on him and told him and made things weird?” she asks.
“Oh my God, Lili,” I breathe. “I’m not gonna have this conversation with you.”
“What conversation?” Mom asks, coming back into the kitchen with the baby.
“Nothing. I gotta go make a call,” I announce before stepping out onto the porch.
I remove my phone from my pocket and dial Merrick’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail.
“Hey, it’s me. Just wanted to talk to you and see how things were going. Call me when you can.”
I hang up feeling frustrated. Not being able to be with Merrick in public is just one of the reasons I didn’t want to start up anything with him if he was still closeted, but the hardest one is not being able to talk to my family or friends about him. I can’t tell my sister something as simple as why me and Merrick had a falling out. I can’t tell my mom that I found someone to love and who loves me back. I can’t tell my friends stories about me and him. I have to lie and avoid certain topics.
I hate lying to my family. I hate not being able to share my happiness with people close to me. When you’re in love, you want to be able to talk about that.
The rest of my night is ruined by my sour mood. I can’t help but worry about what happened in Merrick’s meeting today. The fact that I haven’t heard from him gives me a bad taste in my mouth. If things had gone well, he would’ve told me immediately.
Dread sits heavy in my stomach, and as soon as I’m done eating, I say goodbye and head back home.
Before I fall asleep, I think about what’s going to happen if he’s decided to not come out after all.
43
Merrick
Present Day
I took the coward’s way out and turned my phone off as soon as I got back to Gaspar. I didn’t know how to approach the situation with Ali, and still don’t, but I know I won’t be able to ignore him for long. Today is a new day, and I’ll have to invite him over and tell him what happened and hope he can be patient with me for a little longer.
I’ve tried calling Evan, but he must still be pissed at me, because he keeps sending me straight to voicemail.
Because I’m afraid Ali will ask me questions over the phone, I send a text and tell him to come to the hotel.
I pace through each room for about half an hour until I hear a knock on the door. When I open it, I can read the apprehension on his face immediately. He eyes me curiously before stepping inside.
“Hey,” I greet with what I hope is an easy-going smile.
“Hey.” His response is stilted.
“Thanks for coming,” I reply, hearing the tension in my voice.
“Yeah, what happened to you yesterday? You disappeared on me.”
“Yeah.” I run my hand over my face as I make my way to the couch. “Sorry about that. It was a crazy day.”
Ali takes a seat on the same couch, but on the opposite end. The air is radiating with trepidation, and we both seem to be aware that things are about to take a turn.
I realize now I should’ve kissed him as soon as he stepped inside, because I’m not sure I’ll get the chance once I tell him what happened yesterday.
“What happened?” he asks, sitting stiffly in the corner.
I take a deep breath and slowly blow it out, then I lift my head and meet his gaze. “Ali.” His name is a plea for forgiveness on my lips.
Ali gives me a disappointed sigh as his shoulders drop. “You didn’t do it, did you?”
“I can explain,” I say before realizing immediately that it was the wrong
