“My cover up. I need to feed her, and I’m not whipping my tit out in front of my brother.”
I snort and find the aqua-colored material and hand it over. “Here.”
She plops down onto the couch and tugs it over her head before positioning Mari underneath. “So, what the hell is going on? You were supposed to come over to Mami’s on Wednesday, and when we call and text, we get ignored.”
I drop to the chair to the left of her, blowing out a deep breath. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Well, I’m done letting you get away with not telling me stuff, so I’m not leaving until you tell me.”
“You’ll have to leave eventually. You don’t have enough diapers in that bag to last that long.”
“Joke’s on you, because I just stopped by the store before I came here, and I have diapers and wipes in my car.” She throws me a satisfied smile and stares at me with wide eyes.
“Lili, I’m fine.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Lili.” I say her name on a breath. It’s basically a plea to stop asking because I can’t keep lying. I don’t even have the energy to come up with a lie right now.
“When are you going to stop treating me like a little kid? You’ve always acted like you couldn’t be bothered with me. Like I’m just annoying you with my presence. I’m an adult, too, you know? I’m only three years younger than you. You can tell me things. I have advice I can give. I can listen and be a shoulder to cry on. You’re my brother, Alejandro. You don’t have to go through things alone.”
Her words are like a slap in the face. I never meant to make her feel like I don’t care about her or that I’m annoyed by her. I’ve always had that big brother mentality. I’m always willing to protect her and listen to her cry when she’s had her heartbroken, but I never go to her when something’s happening in my life.
“You don’t annoy me, Lil.” She gives me a look. “Well, you do, but I annoy you, too. That’s what we do.” I laugh a little before turning serious again. “I love you, and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. I don’t think you’re a kid. You’re an amazing woman, and already such a great mother.”
She cracks me a smile before dropping it and saying, “Good, now fucking tell me the truth.”
“Ah!” I exclaim, falling back into the chair and bringing my hands to my face briefly before letting them drop. “You’re killing me.”
Lili shifts Mari around under the cover, feeding her from the other side, then she pins me with her eyes. “It’s Merrick, isn’t it?” she says softly, tilting her head.
“What do you mean?” I ask cautiously.
Her shoulders drop with a sigh. “Just tell me, Alejandro. I’m not going to say anything. I’ll let you talk.”
After years and years of lying, omitting, and withholding details from my sister, I finally open my mouth and tell her everything. Surprisingly, she actually stays quiet, though she releases a few gasps, and makes enough faces to convey what she’s thinking.
Once I’m done, she says, “Can I talk now?”
I nod with a small grin. “Go ahead.”
She stands up and sways back and forth while patting Mari on the back as she holds her up on her shoulder. “Okay, wow, there’s a lot to unpack here. Merrick is gay. I was starting to think maybe this was an unrequited love situation.”
“You can’t say anything about him.”
“I know, I won’t say anything, but holy shit!” she widens her eyes. “And you two were dating as teenagers?”
I move my head from side to side. “Not dating, per se, but yeah, we were hooking up.”
“Okay, so you’re mad because he kept saying he was gonna come out but never did, and that made you have to stay on the down low for longer than you wanted?” I nod. “Okay, and then you came out, he came back, and you went back to secret dating because he still wasn’t ready?” I give her another nod. “But he kept saying things that led you to believe you were gonna be together and have all these plans, but instead he was signing with a label and about to bounce, but didn’t tell you?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
Her eyes dart around like she’s trying to put together a puzzle in her head and is figuring where all the pieces are.
“But he came back just recently and you two made up, right? I mean, you’ve been hanging out and. . .stuff.”
I give her a look, but nod. “Yeah.”
“And now, he’s come out to his brothers, his bandmates, and was about to tell his label people so he could be out-out. Like, to the world?”
“But he didn’t. He had just been here, telling me he was going to do it and that we could make plans, and that he’d stick to them this time.”
Liliana sighs. “I understand the dilemma. You waited until you were twenty to come out, and that was later than you wanted to. I know how relieved you were to be out, but you can’t expect everyone to be so eager to come out, especially someone in his position.” I open my mouth to cut in, but she raises a hand. “I’m not saying you’re forcing him to do this, but he knows how you feel, so I’m sure he feels a little pressure regardless. He’s made huge steps already telling his family and closest friends, and that means that when you’re around any of them, you two can be yourselves.”
“I know, Lil, but it’s not just about that.”
“Did he tell you why he didn’t tell them?”
“I wasn’t in the mood for excuses.”
She shakes her head. “You have to hear him out, Alejandro.”
“I thought I could enjoy him for whatever time he could give me, but when it comes to him, I need more. I’m trying to protect my heart, Lil.
