“True,” Jay agrees.
Carlos’ phone vibrates and he glances at the screen, then pauses his game and picks it up. “Oh shit. Y’all remember Lexie Iovanni?”
My body tenses up. She was best friends with Ali several years back, so when I think of her, I think of him. “Yeah, what’s up? Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s getting married. My sister just texted me. I guess she’s gonna be a bridesmaid.”
“Who’s she marrying?” Sky asks.
“Leo Michaelson.”
“The pothead?” Me and Jay ask at the same time.
“Yeah, I guess he’s a lawyer now.”
“Wow, people do change after high school,” Jay says. “I used to buy weed from him all the time.”
“Me too,” I say, remembering all the nights me and Ali would meet up with Leo to score some pot, then sneak off and smoke it while Elijah was gone.
Carlos keeps reading his texts aloud. “I guess Alejandro is gonna be a groomsman.” He looks up at me. “Do you still talk to him? Y’all were close, right?”
“Uh, yeah. We were close. I haven’t talked to him in years, though.”
“I heard he’s gay now,” Jay says, effectively ripping the breath from my body.
“Well, he probably always was,” Carlos adds. “We just didn’t know.”
My eyes flick to each of the guys, waiting to see if they say something homophobic, internally pleading for them not to be assholes about this.
“Do you think he knew back then?” Jay questions.
“When did you know you were straight?” I ask, blurting the words. “It’s not like there’s a specific day when everyone decides who they’re gonna be attracted to. You are who you are.” I realize I sound defensive, so I take it down a notch. “I’m sure he knew, but it doesn’t mean he had to tell anyone.”
The room’s quiet for a few, and I wonder if I just gave myself away. Fuck.
“I know, man. I’m not trying to be mean about it. Y’all were close, though. He never told you?”
Sky saves me from answering by exhaling dramatically. “Why do we care? He’s gay, I’m not, you’re in love with a groupie, Carlos is cheating on his future wife, and Merrick. . .well, Merrick does whatever he wants.”
I try not to sit and think too much about Merrick does whatever he wants. It’s not the statement in itself, but the brief look he gives me when he said it. He can’t possibly know, though. So, I leave it alone and walk to the bar to get a drink while they start talking about something else.
I think back to the night when me and Ali finally decided to talk about that first kiss and what it meant.
6
Merrick
9 ½ Years Ago
I can’t stop pacing back and forth in front of the door, waiting for Ali to show up. We kissed nearly six months ago, and we’ve yet to talk about it. Not once. It’s driving me crazy.
For the first month after that amazing moment, I didn’t see Ali at all. He went home and his mom smelt the weed on him and grounded him for four long weeks. He was able to sneak a text to me to let me know what happened before his mom took his phone.
So the first month of summer was spent with the band, and surprisingly, Elijah didn’t punish me for the weed and alcohol. It wasn’t the first time he’d caught me, but I’d been grounded before. He also took my phone once, and worst of all, the ability to practice with the guys. I expected something like that to happen again, but he never brought it up.
He would tell me to go pick up the dog shit from the backyard, but that was just a normal chore, as well as laundry and general cleaning around the house.
When Ali was finally able to come hang out, we had already gone thirty long days without talking about the kiss, and it felt weird to bring it up after so much time had passed. I felt like we both decided to blame what happened on being drunk or high, and pretended it didn’t happen at all. Things went back to normal. Sort of.
He’s caught me staring at him, and I’ve caught him doing the same. We both try to quickly cover it up by looking away or acting like we were zoned out. So stupid.
We’ve been to the pool quite a bit, since that’s where a lot of our friends go on the really hot days. And seeing each other half naked and wet isn’t really helping with trying to keep things normal.
Ali’s always been athletic, so he’s got some muscle tone to his body. My eyes always seem to track the water droplets that cling to his tanned skin, and follow the rivulets of water that run from his chest to the waistband of his trunks. He’s caught me a few times.
But it’s not like I’m the only one. Sometimes he looks at me like I’m an ice cream and his sweet tooth has him ready to devour me. Ali wants to do just as much as I do, but we don’t know how to bring it up.
So after months of ignoring what we really want, an opportunity is given to us. I just turned seventeen, so I’ve convinced Elijah it’s okay to leave me at home when he goes out of town with his girlfriend. He doesn’t do it often, because he’s really committed to being here with me and making sure I’m okay. But him and Jenn have been fighting a lot, and I think he’s ready to give in and take an overnight trip with her.
He’s already called both Cillian and Royce and told them to drop in and check on me. Like I need two babysitters. I kept my eyerolls and smart remarks in check,
