Had I done something to cause this? We just had great sex, I thought, but did I… did I do something to hurt him that he didn’t tell me?
I was disgusted with myself. How had I let myself get so out of control?
When I’d had panic attacks in the past, they were always related to my PTSD from that day… but I’d seen a therapist about it and it got better.
Luke’s panic attacks seemed to be getting worse, and I’d only really known him for a week.
Concern bubbled up in my gut like a fungus. I had to talk to Luke. I had to get him into therapy…
But for now, he needed a quiet place to rest. From what he said about being trapped in his house, I couldn’t let him go back there.
So I scooped him up, carried him to my truck, buckled him into the passenger seat, and fired up the engine.
Suddenly, it occurred to me that his mom might try to strong-arm the station into issuing another amber alert for him, but my phone screen was blank.
Since she just got divorced, I pictured her moping around the house, maybe watching a soap opera on TV while eating some ice cream. But I couldn’t really picture Sarah DuPont defeated like that. No, she’d be planning her next steps, rising above it.
Luke stirred next to me.
“Luke!” I nearly shouted, excitement and giddiness blossoming in my belly.
“…Adam?” he said sleepily, “I’m so… so thirsty…”
I plucked my giant green water bottle out from the center console and handed it to him.
“Here, it’s still got ice in it…” I offered, trying to quell my own panic.
He took a sip weakly, then rested his head against the window.
“Where do you want to go, Luke?” I asked him. “Do you want to go home?”
“Not my house…” he said weakly.
“Okay, come over to mine for a little while, then,” I offered. “I can give you ice cream and we can hang out for a bit, okay?”
He nodded weakly.
My eyebrows furrowed as I drove down the long country roads to my lake house.
At that moment I knew that I would do anything to keep Luke safe.
Even if I had to keep him safe from his own mind.
* * *
When we got to my house, my brother’s truck was in the driveway.
I scowled, displeased that he decided to show up unannounced. And at such an inopportune time, too.
Luke got out of the truck slowly, still reeling from his attack earlier. He spotted the truck.
“Who’s here?”
“Jake,” I nearly hissed.
“Oh…” he said, looking overwhelmed.
I took him by the hand as we walked up the driveway. “Don’t worry, let me do all the talking. You just focus on relaxing in the living room, okay?”
Luke brightened ever so subtly. “…okay.”
A small smile parted his lips and I suddenly felt like everything was right in the world again.
We crossed the threshold into my house, and sure enough, Jake was sitting at the island. He looked up at me, and I immediately knew that something was amiss in his marriage. Then his eyes flickered from me to Luke, and then down to our hands.
I didn’t let go.
“Oh! Sorry bro, I didn’t mean to intrude—”
“It’s fine,” Luke said with finality, then made a beeline into the living room.
Jake’s mouth popped open at this sudden display of boldness.
I was watching Luke in admiration as he gathered up a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped himself up in it like a burrito. He flopped on the sofa, then started fiddling with the remote.
Well, I guess that was that. Something told me he was going to be okay.
“…I think we should go outside,” I gestured to the door.
“Thanks, buddy…” Jake said solemnly.
“Drinks?” I asked.
His eyes grew wide and he said, “Yes, please.”
* * *
A few minutes later, we were out on the back porch. I’d lit up the fire pit and it was crackling, filling the night air with an energetic popping noise among the chirping of the crickets. We had a pair of matching Old Fashioneds in our hands.
“So, what’s up?” I finally said after a lull in our conversation about surface-level topics.
“It’s Erin. We had a fight,” he started, letting the night noises fill the pause that he left out in the air.
“About…?” I asked.
I knew it had to be something big, or else he wouldn’t have shown up at my house so late like this.
“About… me. Talking to Claudia, at that bar.”
I took a sip of my drink so that he couldn’t see my reaction. Was Erin really so insecure that she would get into a major fight over this? I couldn’t believe it… unless… unless there was something Jake wasn’t telling me.
“Go on,” I said.
“Well, when you went into the bathroom with that guy,” he gestured towards the living room wall, “you didn’t come back for a while. And I was watching Claudia at the bar, and I just kept thinking about what we had and—”
“Jake, what did you do?” I asked, the air growing heavy between us.
He sighed and took a sip. Then said, “Nothing, I just talked to her for a minute. Even though I was drunk at that time though, I still was nearly knocked on my ass by that… that thing, you know?”
I took another sip of my drink. I knew where this was going: Jake was the type of person who wore his heart on his sleeve.
“You told Erin,” I concluded.
He hung his head in shame. “I did. I thought to myself, we’re partners. We’re in this together. I want to know everything about her, and she should want to know everything about me… right?”
I felt a pang of sympathy for my brother. Things like this were never easy to discuss.
And it was all too easy to remember how it felt when Brian told me that he had a crush on someone else. That icy, razor-sharp pain that pierced my heart.
But that was my
