Tears were pouring silently down my face. I had just realized how close I was to losing Luke; not only to Fenwick but our relationship as a whole.
“I’m so sorry, Luke. If you accept my apology, I’ll quit my job.”
“No, Adam,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not asking you to quit. All I’m asking you to do is tell me about your day.”
“It’s not that simple,” I maintained. Even though my heart was compelling me to bow down to Luke's demands to make everything right, I wanted to set realistic expectations.
It was essential to stick to my promises.
“If it’s not that simple, then explain why it isn’t,” Luke said. “Take your time; all I want to do right now is understand.”
I bit my lip, thinking. Then it came to me.
“Remember when you went on that Law & Order S.V.U. marathon for a few weeks when we first moved out here?”
Luke nodded.
“Remember how it always put you in a bad mood afterward, even though you were addicted to the plot?”
He nodded again. “I was a mess. I didn’t realize how much that, combined with being in a new place, was getting to me.”
“Right. So, that’s what it’s like being a cop. You get the highest spikes of adrenaline, and all you can think about is what’s going to happen next. Then the low hits. Once the day is done, you don’t want anything to do with it.”
Luke tilted his head, shifting the pattern of light on his face. “Huh. I never thought of it like that… but that totally makes sense.”
“I know that doesn’t solve the problem, but I hope it helps explain it,” I offered. “My choice not to tell you things about my day is selfish, but it’s something that I need. I need to keep my work out of our relationship.”
Luke was quiet and still.
I waited for a few painstaking heartbeats, then he finally said softly, “You’ve never told me you needed anything before.”
At first I thought he was losing respect for me, but then I realized that his voice was filled with wonder.
“I… I get it. We’ll make this work,” he said.
I brightened and felt a hundred-ton weight lift from my shoulders. All this time, I was trying to be everything for Luke: his protector, his provider, and at times I used to feel like his therapist. But now, with that responsibility given to someone else, I had the space to just be.
He took my hand off his cheek and kissed it softly, then smiled at me. “I love you, Adam.”
For the first time in my life, I felt wholly and completely accepted for who I was, emotions, vulnerabilities, and all.
After I took Luke to give his statement at the station, we were finally done for the night. The station had his phone in custody, and Luke’s face lit up when he got it back.
“I thought I’d lost this thing forever! I thought I was going to—”
He stopped short, eyeing me nervously.
“Well, I didn’t think I was ever going to find my phone again,” he amended.
I hated to think about what might have happened if we didn’t get there in time.
When we got home, I made sure he was comfortable on the couch with his favorite blanket. Then I retrieved his phone charger from his bedroom and plugged in the extra-long cable so he could phone loaf in comfort.
“Thank you, babe!” He said, looking up at me with those pleading eyes of his.
“Of course,” I said, leaning across the armrest and planting a kiss on his forehead. “I love taking care of you. I love making sure all of your needs are met.”
Then I remembered the ice cream sundae.
I went to the top of the stairs and plucked my coat off the rack.
“Where are you going?” Luke asked.
“Going to get ice cream,” I answered.
“No, I changed my mind. I want you here with me,” he said, giving me the most pitiful look. “You being here means more than anything you can give me.”
I tilted my head and grinned at him, feeling appreciation wind its way through me.
Taking off my coat and hanging it back on the rack, I crossed the room and sat down next to him, wrapping him in my arms.
“Much better,” Luke mumbled, settling into the crook of my arm with a gentle sigh.
My stomach growled beneath him.
“Looks like you’re hungry,” Luke said, looking up at me innocently.
God, when he looked at me like that, I thought my insides might just come undone.
“I’ll get some Thai food delivered.”
“That sounds… so amazing…” Luke said softly.
After I texted the order, I looked down to find that Luke was asleep. He must have been so exhausted from his emotional day — I couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like to be alone and scared for so long.
Especially given his history with Kirk…
I shook my head, shelving those feelings of revenge for now.
With Luke’s head in the crook of my arm and his blanketed body draped across my lap, I was the happiest man in the world.
This was enough.
The next day, Luke wanted to go over to Parsons to check on what happened with his collection.
He slept in until eleven — poor guy must’ve been exhausted — and then was texting me to walk him over to his school.
I was in the middle of doing more boring paperwork at the precinct when I got his summoning text.
“Coming,” I typed back. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
I paused, then added, “In the middle of paperwork rn. Thank you for saving me from it.”
That
