I could look into those pulsing black pupils and watch as the question chipped away at his foundation. The attack he had earlier today must have shaken his confidence loose.
"Yes. Very much so."
There was a pause, then I continued. "I don't think I ever would have left that town if you hadn't come along."
Luke smiled weakly. "Sometimes I feel bad that I took you away from your family."
"I want them to be your family, too," I evaded. "Besides, they can visit. Jake and your mom are coming in a few weeks anyway."
"Oh! That's right!" Luke said, his eyes darting to his phone where our shared calendar was. "I forgot all about that!"
"It's a lot to keep track of," I said, patting him reassuringly on the knee. "To be honest, I forgot all about it until just now."
Luke giggled, and the sound was like music to my ears.
That was the telltale sign that I'd soothed Luke; a stake in the ground marking that his anxiety was as far away as it could be.
"So…" Luke started, his face turning serious as he cut off a piece of chicken. "Did you still want to go to that… that thing this weekend?"
"Oh, you mean the munch?" I asked.
"Yeah," Luke said, popping a dainty piece of chicken into his mouth. "Why are they called munches, anyway?"
I shrugged. "I dunno. But if you want to back out at this point, I understand."
"No, I want to see what it's like," Luke said with resolve. "And I miss the lake house's playroom…"
I scraped the last bits of casserole into a pile on my fork, then popped it into my mouth. "I miss it too. When we go to the munch this weekend, I'll figure out how to get the right stuff so we can make our playroom here epic."
We were still settling into our brownstone and hadn't fully customized it to our liking. There was a secret room in the basement just like I'd had in my old place, that had a mattress on the floor and most of the toys I'd brought with me from my lake house. We had fun in there from time to time.
But I wanted more. I wanted to make a complete fantasy room of pleasure that I could use to satisfy every single one of Luke's fantasies — and my own. And for that, I needed custom equipment.
Online research could only get us so far. We were at the point where we needed to be involved in the community to get anything custom.
"What do you think about telling other people what we're into?" Luke asked, his eyes filling with worry.
"I'm not too worried about it," I said, though I felt an uneasy tightness in my gut.
He set his fork down again. "What if we run into someone we know there? What if they find out? Oh my God, what if one of my classmates is there?!"
I chuckled, attempting to soothe him. "That just means that they're into it too."
"Well… well, I…" Luke stuttered.
"I could go alone," I said stoically.
"No, I want to come with you. What if you meet some gorgeous little sub bottom there that's prettier than me? I cannot allow that to happen," he joked with a bulbous pout.
But I knew there was a core fear hiding in his words, so I soothed him. "You know that's not possible. No one can compare to you."
"Well, what if you meet someone who wants to join, and then we form a thruple, and then you fall in love with him instead of me?!"
"Luke, that's the anxiety talking. Nothing is going to happen. I'm a one-man kind of guy, and you are my one man," I reassured him, grazing my thumb over his engagement ring.
His shoulders relaxed, and I felt my own doing the same.
Then he sat up straight, fully alert. "Oh God… what if my mother finds out about what we do?!"
"How would she do that?" I asked. "The basement room is hidden. We can just tell her that's where another tenant lives.
"She'll get curious," he said, staring at a point just above my eyebrow.
I could see every worst-case-scenario unfolding behind his eyes.
"Doesn't mean we have to indulge her curiosity," I said.
Wow, that anxiety attack he had today dragged him down further than I thought. He hadn't been this anxious since the week we met.
"S-sorry," he stuttered, trembling. "I don't know what's gotten into me. It's like something was uncorked earlier."
I rested one of my large hands on his delicate shoulder. "Don't worry, Luke. No matter what happens, I'll be here for you. No matter how your anxiety tries to take you down, I'll be here to help you reason with it. I'm solid, remember?"
A smile finally fluttered across his face that reached his eyes. "Solid."
When we first moved to New York, all the brand new stimuli and setting new routines caused a lot of stress for both of us. So we'd used that word — solid — to let each other know that we were there for one another.
We were each other's foundations, as reliable and robust as granite.
Which was why it caused a seed of worry to take root in my mind as I watched the earthquakes of anxiety open up fissures in that foundation.
"Hey, everything will be all right," I said. "Come on, how about after you're done eating we go have some fun."
The shadow of lust flashed through Luke's blue eyes. "I'm done eating."
"Perfect," I growled, wrapping his delicate hand in mine.
I led him down the stairs, excitement tingling in the air. We tromped down to the bottom level of the brownstone, the ancient stairs creaking underfoot.
The cold air leaking in from the front door tingled on my face, but we moved past it. There was no need to keep the door locked when it was just Luke and me here, so I turned the knob and pressed my way through.
Inside was a dingy little playroom that I'd set up the first month we were here. It was akin to an unfinished basement, but it got the
